Over the weekend I visited my future in laws and the topic of the wedding came up. They mentioned to me how they are getting their guest list ready because they have quite a few people to invite since they will be inviting their coworkers who have invited them to their children's wedding. When I mentioned that we were attempting to keep the guests to about 120 they thought that was just not enough. I decided to not get into it with them right then and there.
When I got home I mentioned the conversation to my mother who was not too pleased to say the least (My parents are footing the bill for the entire wedding). My mother said she would nicely call them. She spoke to my FMIL and told her that their side has been allotted 1/3 of the guests which includes them as well in that #, she stated if they go over that # she expects them to pay XXX amount per guest. My FMIL told my mother 'we have time to discuss this, we'll talk about this some other time' my mother then told her that the situation will not change regardless of the time of discussion. They both very politely ended the conversation, but I know it is far from over.
I know my mother is right, after all she is paying. The In laws have not yet mentioned any type of contribution (my mother is not expecting it, unless they go over the guest amount).
I imagine when my FH comes home he will get an earfull from them........ and the drama will continue
kissy27
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
oh boy!!! Your mom is 100% correct though...If she is footing the bill, then she has every say...I would think that your FIL's would realize that if they wanted to go over the 1/3 they were given, that they would have to contribute the money to cover those people
beautyq115
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
My friends dad is footing the bill for their wedding too...they gave each family a certain amount of people they could inviteand if they went over the amount..they had to pay for those extra people..that seemed fair.
My mom is paying for our reception but my inlaws have offered to pay for anyone extra but we really haven't gotten in to particulars about the numbers yet
idovig
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
I can't believe it! Your mother is absolutly correct. why should your mother be paying for so many other people that are not her problem and she doesn't even know. i feel bad for your fh when he does come back. his mom will give him an ear full.
gNi1125
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
Your mom is 1000% in the right. I don't think it could have been said better in any other way.
sarahthegreat
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
this is why making the guest list is the worst part of the wedding process. you mom is 100% in the right for telling the fil's that they are allotted a certain amount of people and if they go over that they must pay for the amount over that alloted amount. this is why i'm glad fh& i are paying for the entire reception - this way we have total say
hmpena
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
I hope that everything works out calmly. What does your FI say about the situation?
Goldi1021
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
Your mom is right. Your situation will happen with my wedding too. FH and FIL's guest lists exceed that of my side. That in and of itself is fine, BUT if my family can only afford a specific #, then they will just have to pay for their guests that exceed their allotment. I also think that my mom doesnt want a function that exceeds 200 people. If my side (family) is paying, then they set the rules. IT is difficult, but thats the way it is. FH has two younger sisters, there is no way they (FILs) can split this wedding 50/50 when his sisters will be getting married in the next few years themselves.
july06bride
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
she is ABSOULTELY right!!! but it doesnt make the situation any easier... How does FH feel???????????
leese
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
I agree with everyone!
Your mom and you are right. I've had some issues with the guest list too --- but different situation.
In your case, if your mom is paying for it - it would be traditional for her to say 'you can invite 60 guests' etc.etc. and let that be that. They should def. come up with the $$.
I've said it before, but I think the anticipation of something (in this case, not inviting a co-worker) is worse than the reality.
Good luck to you!
JP&EP
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
Posted by hmpena
I hope that everything works out calmly. What does your FI say about the situation?
He doesn't know yet. He will be in his submarine through the summer.
Kim51103
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
ur mom is SOOOO right! GOO mom!!!!
JessicaM.
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
Posted by Kim51103
ur mom is SOOOO right! GOO mom!!!!
I second that! I LOVE that she got right on the phone. I love how people suddenly balk when their wallets have to open up!
CC59
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
I totally agree with your mom. I'm happy that she called your FMIL so you didn't have to deal with that. How is your FH doing? Do you get to hear from him at all?
sarahbelle
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
Your mom sounds totally reasonable. I hope it works out -- without you having to get involved.
cjb88
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Re: I sense guest list problems up ahead (LONG)
that is great that your mom called your fmil herself, instead of putting you or fi in the middle!! what a brave mom you have!!!
i think it is super generous of her that she is even giving them 1/3 of the guestlist!!
