I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

First I'd like to say.. I'm sorry I haven't been posting much..I'm just quietly lurking...

Now on to my semi-vent....

Right now I just feel like we are never getting married..

And when I try to talk to FH about it.. he doesn't want to talk about it because he wants us (me) to focus on my upcoming surgery.. Now I agree my health is most important BUT, I am also thinking that the wedding plans are a good way to distract myself, from this seemingly endless waiting .. I mean honestly if I have to go for one more test..I will PULL all my HAIR OUT!!

So what brought this all on, I'm sure your wondering.. well.. the other day I ask FH, lets sit down this weekend and figure out when the next best date is for us to get married.. and he totally freaked out and 'yelled' (he USED ALL CAPS) during our online conversation (for those that don't remember FH is hearing impaired so it's either TTY or IM's for us..) He thinks since this will be the second time we change the date that we will just embarrass ourselves if something else happens and we need to change it AGAIN! I tried to explain that I'm pretty sure how things will go and based on that information (even the doctor's agree with me!) that I should be all finished with surgery and recovery in time to plan a May 06 wedding.. he just won't here it! Never mind the fact that even his mother told me, the real reason he is afraid to set another date is that he thinks once I lose weight I will leave him, (since in his opinion we are both disabled, he being hearing impaired and my being fat??? hello.. I'm not disabled, I'm just fat..urgh! men!!)

Then I mentioned the idea, that I shared with some of you, which is to elope just before we move in together (late summer/early fall 05) and he shot me down about that too, his main reason being that my father will freak if we don't get married in a church first (which is sorta true, but it's not something my dad wouldn't get over, ya know)

So right now, I feel like crap, FH isnt too happy with me.. and I'm tired of waiting for things to happen!!!

I think I need some very strong cocktails right now...

Thanks for listening as always!!!

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

aww i'm sorry to hear this.
first off, congrats, i hope everything goes great with your surgery.
...i can see how he may feel insecure that you may leave him. my fh is like that too. guys are weird.
have you seen him in person yet and reallllly had a super long talk about it? sometimes after the fact it gives us time to soak in what our FI says ya know.. i really hope he comes around.
when were you supposed to get married and when is your surgery?
best wishes

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Jen, i am sorry this is such a hard time right now. Is it possible to wait until your surgery and recovery are done, and then start the wedding planning again?

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I'm not sure what suggestions to offer up, this seems like a difficult situation, but I wanted to give you some of these.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

This must be so frustrating! Here are some major hugs...

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having problems, but I think it's great your going through with the surgery. I think you FH is just alittle scared but give him some time and I'm sure he will be back to normal. It's natural for him to feel this way... Let him calm down and then speak to him again, I'm sure he will give in soon.

Just keep showing him how much you love im and assure him that it won't change just because you lose weight.

Hopefully things will work out for you soober than later, I will keep you in my prayers.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Awwww, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. When are you supposed to get married? When is your surgery?

Best of luck with the surgery.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Jenn, Im so sorry your going through this. I think your best bet is to show him this thread so he knows EXACTLY how you feel. I think a lot of emotions are being lost in translation, and instead of sitting down to figure out when your getting married, you should both sit down and tell each other how you feel. No fighting, no debating, just sharing. I hope it this works itself out and we can get back on track to plan your wedding!! FM me if you need ANYTHING!!!!

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Oh man, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Being overweight is by no means a disability and you should be really proud that you are taking the next step, that takes a great deal of courage and strength and I commend you for that. As for your FH, I'm sorry things are going so rough but as I was reading through your message, I kept thinking, 'this guys is nervous to loose her, he loves her so much that he wants to speed up the wedding!' You hear all these horror stories about these guys who are trying to slow down the wedding and your man is stepping up to the plate, thats commendable on his part as well. I'm glad you found a keeper. I agree with both you and your FH, you found your soul mate, you know you two belong together and I know you want that forever to start as soon as possible whereas he's being 'a guy' and wanting to fix everything and its impossible to do because the surgery has to do with your health, something he has no control over. I wish you two a lot of luck figuring out when your date is going to be, you have so much going on right now that no matter how many times you need to vent, we all are here for you!

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I'm so sorry that this is happening it must be a hard time for you. I would say just think about you surgrey and then afterwards think about the wedding. Since you fh is thinking that you going to leaving him keep on tell him that you love him etc. So he can stop thinking that in his head men are like that sometimes. BUt i just want to give you these to . When is your surgery.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Jenn - His feelings are unfortunately very common when spouses are having this surgery. His feelings are valid whether or not you and I think it is ridiculous. In all the research I did before my surgery, I read many many articles where the spouse felt this way. I am truly sorry you are dealing with this on top of wanting to plan your wedding and awaiting your surgery. I know you want another outlet to put your feelings into and have it be a happy one at that! You know you can always FM me since I've already walked down that path and if you need a support group, just call me.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I'm so sorry that things are so hard right now.

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Ladies,


Thanks sooooo much.. your support is always a blessing to me!

As for some of you asking about my surgery.. I am still waiting for a date, since now they want me to have a stress test next week. (urgh!) Last time I had surgery I would get these fainting spells no one could figure out why, my new cardiologist thinks it might be a blood pressure thing.. so he feels even though my EKG and other test have been fine (I'm telling you I am the healthiest fat person, you will ever meet!!! lol) he just wants to be sure.

Believe me when I have a date, you all will know.. because I will be shouting it from the rooftops..!!! lol

Thanks again!!

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

I am so sorry that you have to go through this

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

That is complicated.

Besides the two of you communicating openly and honestly about how you are feeling, I think you also need to be sensitive to his frustrations right now - yes, he is being a 'man' but if he is upset, there is a reason behind it, no matter how ridiculous it might seem.

Be patient, he will come around. In the meantime, why not plan a little for a May 06 wedding without talking about it?

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

You have FM!

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)

chin up..in the end you will both look back at it and it will seem so miniscule to your love..just try to give him some space..he's probably worried about your surgery and he doesn't know how to tell you..good luck with everything

Re: I think I'm throwing myself a pity party.... (VERY LONG)