I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

btrflygrl Posted: May 25, 2004 03:30 PM

I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

with my step-mother and I'm not really sure how to handle it. Do I get upset because she took better care of us than my realmother for 10 years or do I feel relieved because the favoritism she gave to her boys was absolute torture?

Oh and let's not forget that I walked out of that house because of her....and she wanted me out too. My father didn't speak to her for 3 weeks or more because of it....

I'm not allowed to really tell anyone because I'm the only one that knows his feelings so I'm at my wits end

BMD'sPeanut Posted: May 25, 2004 03:31 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

Posted by btrflygrl

Do I get upset because she took better care of us than my realmother for 10 years or do I feel relieved because the favoritism she gave to her boys was absolute torture?

I don't think you can ask anyone how you 'should' feel...How do you feel? Then go from there.

Dee7772 Posted: May 25, 2004 03:32 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

Sorry you have to go through this. I really do not have any words of advise, except it is their probelm and let them work it out. Just be there to listen.

HearzBellz Posted: May 25, 2004 03:33 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

I don't know if this helps, but sit back & let it happen.
Be a good listener, but I would keep my opinions to myself. You never know what can happen tomorrow.....

nov04LIbride Posted: May 25, 2004 03:35 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

It's always difficult when parents confide in us about these types of problems. My mother confided in me throughout my parents divorce, and I was going through too many emotions of my own. Whether or not you are happy to see her go, I am sure it is hard for you to see him going through this, especially when you just started your married life...

btrflygrl Posted: May 25, 2004 03:37 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

Posted by nov04LIbride

It's always difficult when parents confide in us about these types of problems. My mother confided in me throughout my parents divorce, and I was going through too many emotions of my own. Whether or not you are happy to see her go, I am sure it is hard for you to see him going through this, especially when you just started your married life...

Yes Beth it is....I'm sad to see it happen but gald because of the 'abuse' that went on. But I also have this fear instilled in me like 'Could this happen to me' or 'am I going to turn out like him or her (my real mother)' where my spouse falls out of love with me.....

nov04LIbride Posted: May 25, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

Posted by btrflygrl

Posted by nov04LIbride

It's always difficult when parents confide in us about these types of problems. My mother confided in me throughout my parents divorce, and I was going through too many emotions of my own. Whether or not you are happy to see her go, I am sure it is hard for you to see him going through this, especially when you just started your married life...

Yes Beth it is....I'm sad to see it happen but gald because of the 'abuse' that went on. But I also have this fear instilled in me like 'Could this happen to me' or 'am I going to turn out like him or her (my real mother)' where my spouse falls out of love with me.....

This is so hard, especially as a child of divorced parents having been witness to a divorce. I think there is no way to know whether I will be married in 40 years. Of course I hope I will be, but my parents broke up after 35 years, and just grew apart and felt different things were important as they grew older. I would love to say everything will work if we work at our marriages, but it might not. I see too many married older couples who stay together not because of love but just because staying together is easier than breaking up. Like those old couples in restaurants who eat their whole meal and don't say a word to one another. I don't like to think about these things while planning my wedding, but it is all true...

tracyg Posted: May 25, 2004 03:51 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

sorry you are going through this.

I've been through two of my moms divorces... my dad and ex stepfather. I also had 'abuse' with my ex stepfather (emotional... would call me stupid and treat me like dirt, but his kids were treated like guests in a four star hotel).... so i was happy that the marriage fell apart. I just felt bad that my mom stayed in it for 5 years longer than she wanted because of me. She wanted me to finish high school first. (found out later) Even though i hated him, it was still a tough thing to go through. And has also put fears into my mind about the stability of marriage.
what hurt more was that my step siblings 'didn't feel comfortable' keeping in touch with me... i don't think that was fair. I'm not my mom.

Kriss2c Posted: May 25, 2004 03:52 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

The truth is no one can predict the future; all you can do is be there for your father.

kdelace Posted: May 25, 2004 07:34 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

oh my god, it sounds like my life!!!! my father married her after he got custody of me and my two sisters and brother... my mother wasnt inthe picture. my stepmother raised us- she had two kids with my dad and there was major favoritism between us four and 'her two' (even though i love my half sisters to death!!) my stepmother is an evil woman and my father was suffering because of her. he finally left her and they eventually got divorced. she basically kicked us out of the house. i dont speak to this woman at all and she raised me since I was 12! i have np regrets. she was not at my wedding and is not apart of my life. i do have agreat relationship with her kids, my sisters. they were een in my wedding. so basically what im trying to say is that i know it must be hard for you right now. fm me if youd like to talk!

belle31125 Posted: May 25, 2004 08:41 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

aliciahelene Posted: May 25, 2004 09:19 PM

Re: I think my fathers' marriage is falling apart

Im sorry!! I know its natural to wonder if this could happen to you and yes it could, but thats where you and Dh are at an advantage, you can learn from other's mistakes and try and correct the flaws! I know its hard, but hang in there!!!!