This is very important and I want everyone (people who belong to this site and those that DO NOT) to read this...
When I come on here and post, like many others do, it is about everyday things... like my boss who is such a great guy, my co-worker (who I like most of the time) but can say hurtful things, my MIL (who again, is great) but she, and she admits it, can be tuff to deal with from time to time. I complain about traffic like most do, I don't always love my job like most do, I go out once in a blue moon and drink too much like most do, etc. I am, on most levels, just like everyone else. Am I perfect? Absolutely NOT!
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Then, I do have some great things that I come on here to gab about: my friends, my DH (Vinny) who is the best person I know, the new Coach bag I just bought, the person who let me cut in the line at the bakery so I would not be late for an appt., etc. But what just happened to be about an hour ago is seriously the last straw.
It's the last straw on many levels. I have family members- some I am close with, some I am not. I have never been close with my cousins and I thought that was because of our large age difference (about 10 or so years- they are older, I'm younger). But I'm starting to realize that the differences run a lot deeper than that. I tried, in some ways, to be close with them- The other night I went to the Horse and Jockey in Smithtown (I invited a few of you guys along from here but it was very late notice)... Vinny and I were talking with my cousin, her DH, my other cousin's BF, their friends, etc. I had my usual four or so glasses of wine over the course of the night which gets me very tipsy (lol, I know I'm gay and have no tolerance)... I think that is also b/c I 'go out and drink' maybe once every 8 months LOL (again, pathetic but that's the life of a typical married person).
We went, I talked to my cousin for more than 10 minutes for probably the first time in my life... We talked a while- and about personal things like stuff that my sister is going through, things about our family, etc. It was actually nice and I, after the wine haha, told her what I told you guys on here (b/c you guys don't know my family and I consider many of you to be friends) about Vin and I running off like typical young people in love and getting married-- I mean, we are getting married in nine months anyway so what's the difference? (So I thought) But either way, I told her- she acted very happy, said congrats, couldn't believe it, was in shock like most everyone else, etc. I asked her not to tell my Mom and our family (my Aunt, etc) because my intention was never to upset anyone or cause a big uproar... but just to actually SHARE something with my cousin for the first time in my life (again, we were not close growing up). So, I thought- maybe we'll now be close as we get older? I though that would be have been nice... and I came home that night, drunkity-drunk lol, but happy deep down b/c I felt closer to them and that made me feel good. Vinny had a great time- we told his Mom the next day that we had a lot of fun! His Mom was happy, knowing that I was never close with my cousins, and told me that maybe things were changing and that this was a good thing! So I thought...
Well, she told her friend, her DH, her sister (my other cousin), my cousin's BF, etc etc etc (not a problem YET)- then, they told my Aunt, they told my Mom- everyone knows. Am I upset? Ehh, not really that people know- I love Vinny to pieces and would want the WORLD to know about us- but upset that they lied to me and betrayed me? Yeah. Hurt? Yes, I am hurt more than upset. Am I surprised and shocked?
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No. I'm just realizing what I always knew deep down. Again, I'm not perfect but I don't try to intentionally hurt people either...
I don't know WHY ON EARTH they would want to go against what I simply asked of them, I don't know why they pretended to be happy for me and say how cute it was and then did what they did, I don't know why they would want to tell my Mom which they know is going to upset and hurt her- I don't understand ANY of these things. Why would they want to hurt the relationship I have with my Mom- why hurt my sister??
That brings me to why I'm posting- the only reason that I am posting this and not keeping it to myself-- I mean, girls, I'm the first to admit that I share A LOT on here but there are TONS of things that I do not and will not share-- this would have been one of them but because I know that someone in my cousin's cirlce is a lurker on here and reads things that I post- THAT is why I am posting this because I know that they are going to either read this or hear about it from this person that lurks and then tells them what I write. Not that I'm saying I would care if they found out about the stuff I post everyday- I'm not dumb, I know things can get out- do I care? Not really b/c ANYTHING I write on here I will say directly to ANYONE'S face... I am not the type to write and then be shocked when someone reads it... I'm shocked that this person read it and chose to go spreading it, TWISTING what I wrote when they don't know me from a hole in the wall and USE what I wrote to manipulate and hurt people- myself and my family included.
You know who you are and now I know who you are and what you did to me. Let's just say- I'm not surprised and I am deeply offended. It is something I will never forget.
To my girls on here- you guys are such nice people. I'm so glad I came on here and I don't regret a thing I have said no matter what because I love Vinny, I love this site, I love the people on it, the people that run it- SO many of you are my personal friends who will be at my wedding, who I hang out with REGUARLY, who are REAL people... this is not just another blog. You guys are great, you keep it real, you are LOYAL and have good hearts... You are always there for me when I need you and I am closer with all of you then I will, unfortunately, ever be with my cousins (and their cousins, friends, etc). The sad part is- I feel closer to some strangers then I do to some of my family members. But, a very smart person once said- you can CHOOSE your friends, you can't choose your family.
My point to the girls who are on here: post and use this site in the right way and not to hurt others and spread/cause problems: BE CAREFUL what you write on here- if you are like me who really doesn't care one way or another (aside from being betrayed, saddened and hurt) then post away. But do know, that people are lurking- there are people who can hate on you b/c they are jealous- maybe it's b/c you have things they will never have. Maybe they are just miserable people with no self worth? Who knows but there are people who will use things on here to manipulate and hurt you... So, just be careful. But don't let anyone stop you from doing what you want to do and be strong!
This has been a long time in the making- my whole life I knew the things that I now know about my cousins but unfortunately this happened the way it did-- I knew what I knew always in my heart but now my heart hurts b/c I don't understand how people can be FAMILY, pretend to be nice to your face, talk to you/listen to you, etc and then go and do what they do (talk behind your back, say things, be hurtful, try and cause problems, etc)... to family? What have I ever done to you? I don't get it but like my MIL, who is very hurt by this, said- 'sweetie, take it from where it comes'.
I'm lucky to have you girls and I'm lucky to have Vinny and his family- b/c they are my family now, they are the ones who truly care... (along with the ones in my family that are wonderful, loving relatives).
Thank you so much for reading.
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'In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.' -Thomas Jefferson
'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' E. Roosevelt
Please, no bashing of them ladies. I just want support and if you are going to write how you feel I welcome it but try to do what I did: even though I'm angry, write w/o getting all worked up and letting it come out in the wrong way. I am strong, they did not bring me down or make me feel bad about myself- they just made me realize what I always knew deep down. I have to deal with this from now on- and I will. I know they will see this, I plan on writing them myself privately and will have no problem saying how what they did to me made me feel to their faces.
