I want to fire all my maids!

including my two sisters, who are my MOH.

I'm just so spent at this point. We went dress shopping over the weekend and ordered these lovely dresses:
Bridesmaid Dresses

We had a little issue about the shawl. I don't like it and I don't want them wearing it. I won't be wearing one and I just don't care for the look. After much yelling, I agreed that they could wear them during the reception. But for the ceremony and the pictures, I didn't want them on.

We order the dresses. Everyone goes home. I'm sure they think at this point I'm an unreasonable b*tch who has to have her way and can't understand why they want shawls.

I even told them we don't have to get these dresses. We'd look for one's with sleeves, but noooooooooo they LOVE this dress (yet they want to cover it up with a shawl?? WTH?)

I talked to my mom a little while ago and she told me one of my sisters called her and said:

'Apparently I can't say anything right to Melissa, so I'll just shut my mouth and not say anything to her at all'

And this is the person I want standing beside me on the most important day of my life??

Not so much, anymore.

I really thought my sisters would be happy for me, would help me with the planning, would offer to assist me with stuff, or anything. But it's been like pulling teeth getting them to do anything for this wedding...and we are now at 3 1/2 months!

It'a not like they are young and irresponsible. They're 44 and 40. And I completely understand that they are in a different stage in life, with their kids and their husbands and their houses and their work, ect ect ect. But I just really thought they'd be super excited about their baby sister getting maried and it's just not been that way at all. I've received no help, no inquiries regarding anything I might need or ANYTHING at all. It makes me so sad.

I thought this was supposed to be such a wonderful fun time (though obviously still stressful) but it's not that way at all. I don't think I should have to ask them to help me, but maybe I do?

I'm just disappointed with this whole entire situation.

I'm so sorry!! I have no idea what you're doing through but I feel so bad. I read other posts from other brides and thank god sometimes that I only have 1 brother to deal with and he's just 'let me know when I need to be there...'

first of all, that's a beautiful dress!!

second, why do you care if they cover up during the reception? they probably won't end up using it considering all the dancing that will be going on!

i'm sorry that your sisters are giving you such a hard time. can you try to talk to them and let them know how much they are upsetting you? remind them of their own weddings and make them remember what it was like to be a bride!!

best of luck :)

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Posted by ellengrisal

first of all, that's a beautiful dress!!

second, why do you care if they cover up during the reception? they probably won't end up using it considering all the dancing that will be going on!

i'm sorry that your sisters are giving you such a hard time. can you try to talk to them and let them know how much they are upsetting you? remind them of their own weddings and make them remember what it was like to be a bride!!

best of luck :)

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thank you :)

I actually said to them they could wear them during the reception. They could hang them from the chandeliers and swing around on them during the reception. I have NO problem with that at all. It's during the ceremony and the pictures that I'd like them to not wear them.

I can try to talk to them again. It seems like when I do, we are just on such different pages. My one sister even brought up how much of a pain I was when it was her wedding, but in my defense, I was 9! And a very chunky pubescent 9. And I wore a gawd awful hotpink layers chiffon dress, that I have no recollection of saying boo about. But again, I was 9, so maybe I did have a hissy fit. I don't really remember that though :)

The dresses are great. Don't let your sister get you upset. People will always want to put there opinion you just need to hold your ground. They will understand as time goes on.

I acutely had a little fight about the shoes with my MOH for the wedding today. She did not want to have the shoes dyed. I do! We argued for a while then hung up the phone. After a while my MOH called me back and said not to worry about what she said and things are fine again.

Maybe i dont have the best reason to say this seeing as i havent gone bm dress shopping yet

but,

1) whats their reason for wanting them? I for one, am freezing ALL the tiem so if i was in their shoes id want something on while i was outside...even in pictures

2) whats the reason you DONT want them to wear it in pics? Is there any compromising that maybe they can wear it outside but inside take it off in pictures??

it just seems ridiculous to fight over a shawl....its not worth it

Both of my sisters are close to 50 years of age. I have one sister in law and will have two more after FH and myself are married. My first obligation is to my flesh and blood - Do I want to make my sisters wear a bridesmaid dress at 47 and 49 years old? No! Also, one of my sisters is a size 2 while the other is a large size. The larger one would not like the dress I chose and it is more important that she feel comfy in what she wears that day. I never liked the idea of picking ONE color with different dresses. It looks like hodge podge to me.

I resolved my problem quite easily. NONE of them will be in my bridal party. My sisters know they are important to me and they don't need matching dresses for me to show it. I have chosen my closest friends and the children of my siblings/closest friends to honor the prospective family units.

I have also requested of my female attendants, that they include my sisters, sister-in-law and sisters-in-law to be in the planning of my bridal shower. Everyone is satisfied with that decision.

I am a firm believer in keeping bridal parties simple. There is NO honor when you ask everyone and anyone to participate as far as I am concerned.

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Posted by Anti-Bride

Maybe i dont have the best reason to say this seeing as i havent gone bm dress shopping yet

but,

1) whats their reason for wanting them? I for one, am freezing ALL the tiem so if i was in their shoes id want something on while i was outside...even in pictures

2) whats the reason you DONT want them to wear it in pics? Is there any compromising that maybe they can wear it outside but inside take it off in pictures??

it just seems ridiculous to fight over a shawl....its not worth it

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1. they fill their arms are not tone enough for a strapless dress. And so I told them that this is not the dress for them. We should get one with sleeves, but they didn't want to do that either. They wanted to wear this dress and they agreed to not wear the shawls when we ordered them. Now, a few days later it's a different story.

2. I told them that they CAN wear the shawls after the ceremony. All I asked is that during the ceremony the don't because I won't be wearing one, and their dresses match the style dress I'm wearing, and when we all stood next to each other at the bridal store, it looked weird with them having the shawls and me not. I didn't like it. I told them we could get matching bolero jackets, but they didn't want them. I thought I was TRYING to compromise already with numerous options, such as getting a different dress!

It's not just the shawls we are fighting over. It appears that they just can't be happy for me. And that this day isn't about me and my FI, but it's about them and what they want and what they like!

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Posted by Goldi1021

I am a firm believer in keeping bridal parties simple. There is NO honor when you ask everyone and anyone to participate as far as I am concerned.

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That's great that this works for you and your family. I don't think I asked everyone to participate. I asked 'my family'. I just happen to have a big one!

Why do they want the shawl? Is it for the look or for the fact they are cold??

Your wedding is in May, I don't think there is a complete need for them. JMO

Smile...don't let them bring you down!!!

I say fire them all and end the drama. Go with your MOH and BM. If you have offered alternatives and they still won't budge, then they are stubborn mules HEEHAW!

First I want to give you a
But I will add that this is similar to what happened to me too. After all the crying and fighting I realized that they want to look perfect for you and the pics but at the same time feel comfortable. These are your sisters and friends... maybe you should all have some wine and talk it out.
Good luck and if you need to vent, you found the place.

I'm sorry, I am really not saying this to start trouble or to be difficult - I am just going to point out something from another point of view. Maybe you are doing too much 'telling' them what they can do instead of asking what they think. I understand you are the bride, but I have found the more I open the door to my BM's (sisters who can be difficult) opinion, the more they are relaxed and 'whatever you want' about the whole thing. If you start being difficult about what you want, people are going to resist it - it's human nature. I'm not saying you are doing this - just offering a suggestion based on the way you have described how this situation went down. People don't just start acting difficult for no reason - you need to look deeper as to why they are feeling this way.

Good Luck.

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Posted by Bunnymonkey

I'm sorry, I am really not saying this to start trouble or to be difficult - I am just going to point out something from another point of view. Maybe you are doing too much 'telling' them what they can do instead of asking what they think. I understand you are the bride, but I have found the more I open the door to my BM's (sisters who can be difficult) opinion, the more they are relaxed and 'whatever you want' about the whole thing. If you start being difficult about what you want, people are going to resist it - it's human nature. I'm not saying you are doing this - just offering a suggestion based on the way you have described how this situation went down. People don't just start acting difficult for no reason - you need to look deeper as to why they are feeling this way.

Good Luck.

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hmmmm.

I can't really see where I told them to do all that much, but thank you for another point of view.

I 'thought' I was being exceptionally understanding and compromising on a lot of things. For example:

they want to where 'hooker' shoes (4'+ heels) I said nothing. We're having an outdoor ceremony in the grass. I thought heels like that would be a little annoying, but hey, they're just shoes!

They wanted to wear their hair down, though I'd like it up, I said nothing.

They want to get dressed at home, though I got a suite closer to the reception location for the morning of the wedding, and I said nothing. I'll get ready alone then.

They want to wear necklaces and earrings, but I hate a lot of jewlery. I said nothing about it and purchased all of them gorgeous necklaces and matching earrings to wear.

I gave them 5 dress options. I said we could do bolero jackets. I said we could get dresses with sleeves. I wasn't telling them they could do this. I was giving them options, instead of the shawl. I realize it is just a shawl, and I'll obviously have to compromise on that. Just seems like I (the bride) have compromised on a ton of things, and my wedding party will basically look nothing like they way we want it to look.

They've even told me the type of flowers they want to hold. Herbs and daisys will not do. Apparently they must have roses as well!

My two maid's of honor aren't even coming to the rehearsal dinner, because 'something else came up' and they've known about that date for a year and a half.

Apparently my requests are highly unreasonable. I must be completely self-centered or just oblivious b/c I really thought I was being nice to them and trying to take into consideration how they felt and what they wanted.

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Posted by melissaandsean

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Posted by Bunnymonkey

I'm sorry, I am really not saying this to start trouble or to be difficult - I am just going to point out something from another point of view. Maybe you are doing too much 'telling' them what they can do instead of asking what they think. I understand you are the bride, but I have found the more I open the door to my BM's (sisters who can be difficult) opinion, the more they are relaxed and 'whatever you want' about the whole thing. If you start being difficult about what you want, people are going to resist it - it's human nature. I'm not saying you are doing this - just offering a suggestion based on the way you have described how this situation went down. People don't just start acting difficult for no reason - you need to look deeper as to why they are feeling this way.

Good Luck.

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hmmmm.

I can't really see where I told them to do all that much, but thank you for another point of view.

I 'thought' I was being exceptionally understanding and compromising on a lot of things. For example:

they want to where 'hooker' shoes (4'+ heels) I said nothing. We're having an outdoor ceremony in the grass. I thought heels like that would be a little annoying, but hey, they're just shoes!

They wanted to wear their hair down, though I'd like it up, I said nothing.

They want to get dressed at home, though I got a suite closer to the reception location for the morning of the wedding, and I said nothing. I'll get ready alone then.

They want to wear necklaces and earrings, but I hate a lot of jewlery. I said nothing about it and purchased all of them gorgeous necklaces and matching earrings to wear.

I gave them 5 dress options. I said we could do bolero jackets. I said we could get dresses with sleeves. I wasn't telling them they could do this. I was giving them options, instead of the shawl. I realize it is just a shawl, and I'll obviously have to compromise on that. Just seems like I (the bride) have compromised on a ton of things, and my wedding party will basically look nothing like they way we want it to look.

They've even told me the type of flowers they want to hold. Herbs and daisys will not do. Apparently they must have roses as well!

My two maid's of honor aren't even coming to the rehearsal dinner, because 'something else came up' and they've known about that date for a year and a half.

Apparently my requests are highly unreasonable. I must be completely self-centered or just oblivious b/c I really thought I was being nice to them and trying to take into consideration how they felt and what they wanted.

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wow. It does sound like you have compromised alot. Maybe you should try having a mediated, open conversation with them - ask your mom to help you all work it out. I just know that when things get like that with me and my sisters, it's becasue there is something else going on that no one is outright talking about.

Good Luck!

I am not down with the shawls either
But my mother is the one giving me a hard time about it, telling me the girls are goign to be freezing. Its the beggining of Oct.! and stop jinxing the weather!
Anyway I feel your pain, shopping for a dress has been fun but I have 8 girls all different shapes and sizes and they will never agree, so I make the final decision.
Hang in there

you are not unreasonable in the least.
They are a Bridal party nightmare, I'm really sorry!