I ♥ YOU GIRLS

i am better now, thank you girls soo soo much!!


(OP:
i am really aggravated right now... i have been stressing out and having major anxiety about this wedding being less than a month away now... that alone is making me nuts.. but on top of that i am really unhappy with the way fh has to keep running to do things for his family because he is scared to say no...... in my mind our family (me, fh and his soon to be step-daughter) should come first... i know we're not married YET.. but there is soo much stuff to be done around here before he moves in... and things that need to be finished up in the next like 2 weeks for the wedding and i feel like i have to keep pulling him back here or something... today he had to take his little cousin to school and then he came here just in time to take my daughter to school since i was at work and my mom had no car today... then he had to go right back home to help his mom clean her house before his little cousin's bday party tomorrow..... am i being really selfish right now or would this bother you too? he tells me i am selfish... but i cant help but feel like he should not be doing a lot of what he is asked/told to do.. his mom is afraid she is never gonna see him again after the wedding too... and for some reason that annoys me.. we're trying to make our own family.. we're not disowning our parents and families. but come on.. he is 30 yrs old.... the cord needs to be cut. i bet this doesnt make much sense to you guys but i needed to vent finally... please dont quote though, im taking it down soon in case of stalkers. thanks everyone if you read this )

oh honey, I hear ya

my FH and do not live together and he is always runnign to do stuff for his family. Ilove that about him! However, I live about in NJ and he lives in QUeens and his mom has called for him to come to her house and clean up a flood or whatever. His brother lives on the isdland, she NEVER calls him.

you are so not alone!

thanks a lot, i mean its good to know its not just my fh that does this.. im just hoping it doesnt continue throughout our marriage.. because i dont think i could handle it.

I figure once we have our own house things will change.

I want FH to be available for his family, but I also want other people to step up.

yes denise they definitely do... i also left out so much stuff that i wish i had the time to get out to you girls... another big thing is holidays..... his family thinks we should spend all the holidays over there and always assume we will be there for parties and stuff... like this party tomorrow.. they gave me an invitation to it and just assumed im coming though.... but little do they know i think im letting my daughter spend the weekend with her father because she missed him last weekend for my bridal shower... so we'll see what kind of war that starts. my mom is also upset with the way they think all the holidays and stuff should revolve around them. it aint happenin, im telling you all... i will not put up with it once we're married..... please pray for me that they let go of the hold they have on him soon.

eta spelling

ty so much, i wrote back to you

Awwww I knew something was wrong. I would be annoyed to. The cord does have to be cut and it ***** that he feels like he cant say no. You guys should come first but he sounds like such a sweetheart for wanting to please everyone. he just cant forget about his soon to be family. He has to understand that you need him right now especially with the wedding a month away.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I do not disagree. I believe he should put you first. You are going to be his wife. And he will have a daughter who I know you have said before he treats as if she is his own. And although it is nice that he does things for his family he needs to prioritize as well. And his family can't expect or just think he will always do things for them. Then he becomes the one who will do it no matter what and that is not fair to him or you. What happens if you need him to take your daughter somewhere and his family thought he would be there to do something for them. I say she is his first priority.

And I know how you feel with the whole disowning thing. We are actually going to be living in the apt above FH's parents house when we get married because we are saving to buy a house. Well they think we should stay there nad live there. NOT happening and they are mad about that. They said there house it too big for just them and his grandma living there so its perfect if we stay. But I can't have that. And I think htey think their son is leaving them and not ever coming to visit

dont get me wrong- i love that he is such a family man and i think its great that he wants to please everyone and everything.. but then i think about how it will cause so many fights in the future if he keeps doing the things he is doing for them.. thank you girls sooo much for all your advice and hugs, i really appreciate it all.. i am going to give it some time and see what happens after the wedding and just hope for the best.

I am so sorry. Some people just can't let go easily, change for them is hard. Just try to hang in there and things will get better !! We are all here to listen and support YOU

YES catie, thats exactly how i feel about it all too.. his mom feels the same way about him moving out... she tells him all the time about it.. and then he tells me his little cousins cry when they talk about him moving out.. and its like hellloooo do you mind if he grows up and has his own family? is that ok with you all?? i mean his family says theyre so happy for us and they love me, yada yada.. but i feel like theyre not as happy about him starting his new life with me as they say they are.. i told him that if it wasnt for my daughter's dad and my family living here and not wanting to be far from them i would move out of NY just so that this wouldnt keep happening!

PS--- you girls all made me feel sooo much better, i really friggin love you guys

Im sorry. . It sounds like he is doing a lot for them and they are stretching him thin.

Maybe he needs tt talk to them and let them know that he needs to do things for his wedding and his new family and may not be able to be there as much for them.

Thats not to say not be there for them at all, but once in awhile (or twice in awhile ) you come first. They need to understand he has other priorities in his life.

very true, thank you christine

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Posted by o8bride

YES catie, thats exactly how i feel about it all too.. his mom feels the same way about him moving out... she tells him all the time about it.. and then he tells me his little cousins cry when they talk about him moving out.. and its like hellloooo do you mind if he grows up and has his own family? is that ok with you all?? i mean his family says theyre so happy for us and they love me, yada yada.. but i feel like theyre not as happy about him starting his new life with me as they say they are.. i told him that if it wasnt for my daughter's dad and my family living here and not wanting to be far from them i would move out of NY just so that this wouldnt keep happening!

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i know its crazy. fh is getting married and starting his own family he needs to have private alone time with his wife and not be with his family all the time. lol. i know its crazy to because fh is in the marines stationed away from home and even out of the country for 4 yrs now and he does alot of stuff that people older than him have never done. i mean he is soo responsible etc. and he can live on his own and be away from mommy and daddy lol so i dont get what they are going to have him come home and treat him as if he is 15 again. He hates it too

good luck!!!