If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

tbone66 Posted: Mar 06, 2007 10:06 PM

If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

Would you have a small informal small wedding ceremony for immediate family (and not tell anyone else) so that your grandmother could attend if you didn't think she would be around for your wedding.

My friend is in this situation and doesn't know what she should do. She is really close with her grandmother. She doesn't think her grandmother will be around when her wedding is (next year) due to a recent cancer diagnosis and she really wants her grandmother see her get married.

Opinions? What would you do?

portjeffbride Posted: Mar 06, 2007 10:15 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

ooof. I don't know. I would say YES, except doing that extreme action is basically showing her grandma that your friend thinks she has no hope to get better, which may make her lose her will to fight...

I think it would be best to celebrate something bridal w/o bumping up the ceremony date. Maybe a really early bridal shower? An engagement party? Maybe involving her in the planning? Have her pick out the flowers, dress, veil.....

such a sad situation

snydl40 Posted: Mar 06, 2007 10:54 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I would-absolutely.

tbone66 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 09:27 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

any other opinions?

Julybride08 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 09:56 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

My grandmother passed away from cancer 6 years ago. I wish that she would have been here to se eme get married next year. If she was diagnosed today. I would definetly move it up.

If she means that much to your friend then I would definetly do it. And still keep the other date and just have 2 weddings. Just do a small one for now for her grandmother. She would really like that.

When my grandmother found out, the first thing she said to my mom was that she won't be there for me and my sisters weddings and be able to see our children.

Kimbalina Posted: Mar 07, 2007 10:03 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

If that was the case I would have NO problem moving it to as soon as possible. I wouldnt be worried about telling other people especially because they should understand the reasoning.

magbride Posted: Mar 07, 2007 10:35 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm leaving my plans as is.
My grandfather just started taking chemo this week. He was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and had surgery but declined chemo b/c he felt so good and at his age didn't want his quality of life to suffer. However, the docs now convinced him to go on it b/c his cancer numbers are creeping up again. He's 80 years old. I'm worried at how he'll feel. He loves a party and I don't want him to be tired/sick. He feels great right now.
I also know that b/c of his age, cancer is much slower growing. Your cells don't regenerate as fast as younger people so the cancer doesn't spread as quickly. I'm going to put it in god's hands and hope for the best. But I do feel like my grandfather will be okay. His spirits are great right now. As one poster said, if I move everything up, I feel like he'll think I'm losing faith in him.

ETA: I should've added that my grandfather's chemo is more of a precaution, as his cancer levels are low, but just slightly higher than they were a year ago. He doesn't want me to change anything. However, if his prognosis was bad, yes, i would move it up.

kris01 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 10:36 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I would move the date up of course if she means that much to her!!!

thelastresort Posted: Mar 07, 2007 10:37 AM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I think I would push up the church and do that right away so she could see me actually get married and then have a nice dinner or something afterwards. I would probably keep my formal reception in place. I'm tight with both of my grandmothers so it would be so important to me to have them there.

tbone66 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 03:04 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I think I would have a small simple civil ceremony for immediate family and then have a dinner afterwards. Then hope that she was around for the real wedding. I guess you just never know in terms of timing if she will or will not be around.

alison1daland Posted: Mar 07, 2007 03:15 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

I wouldn't move the date just yet. As someone else said, she may lose her will to fight. You can always do something small and last minute if things start looking terribly grim, but in the meantime, it is probably best (for all families of cancer patients and survivors) that you focus on bright, happy things and on doing what you can to help her fight it.... (Laughter truly is the best medicine sometimes... and its worth a shot...)

jessruth9 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 03:27 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

If it looks really grim, I would have a small family -only ceremony and keep my reception plans in place.

rkl1130 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 03:35 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

My cousin is in the same situation. Her FH's mom was diagnosed with cancer. Even though they wanted to have something big, they got married so that she would be there and see her only son get married.

chatxleau24 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 03:58 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

FH's grandma who lives in Canada was recently diagnosed and is doing prety bad. We are continuing with original plans. We sent her the save the date. Maybe itll push her and give her something to look forward to?

All of my love

znycgirl Posted: Mar 07, 2007 04:25 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

Sad news

Without knowing anything else (how much is planned, will things be able to be moved up, ect): it's hard to give advice, but she could ALWAYS have a ceremony & then have a reception later if financially obligated. It shouldn't really matter to non-immediate family if there was a ceremony prior: people can always re-new vows, ect.

Also, keep in mind that cancer does not equal cancer. Metastatic cancer means have the ceremony tomorrow. Simple breast cancer means something all-together different.

jennandrolo Posted: Mar 07, 2007 05:28 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

My grandmother was diagnosed and Im still having it next year. She hasnt been given a certain 'time' of how long she'll live but in my family we're not negative about things. Plus she wouldnt want me to move it up for the sake of saying she might not be alive.

canlynn Posted: Mar 07, 2007 06:17 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

that is a tough decision. I wouldnt move anything though. My grandfather was diagnosed in May of last year with cancer. I wanted to get married in Sept of last year and just have a back yard BBQ with close friends and family but I was told no have the wedding youve dreamed of. My grandfather passed in Nov. I am upset that he will not be there (neither grandfather will my other grandfather passed last May, just before the other one was told about the cancer) so it will be tough but he was happy just knowing I was going to be married even though he couldnt be there. FMIL did suggest however to put my dress on and take pics with him before so I could always have them. I didnt do this because he has alzheimers (sp?) and it would have just confused him.
So I guess what I am saying it if you have the date picked and have already started planning I would leave it. You dont know what is going to happen, cancer is a crazy disease.
Maybe just put your dress on if you have it and take a few pics now...tell her you are just seeing how it will look in pictures or something if you are concerned about upsetting her.
so sorry about your grandmother

Autumn08 Posted: Mar 07, 2007 07:19 PM

Re: If you suddenly found out your grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.....

It's a hard situation because on one hand you want to include the family member. On the other by doing this it's almost as if you are giving up. She can still push the date up and have a semi-formal wedding to include some friends as well and get great deals. A friend of mine is getting married on labor day and said she got a great deal, using candles for inexpensive CPs, wholesale flowers for boks etc. I've seen some enegagements parties that I thought were like weddings so it can be done... without breaking the bank either. Just remind her that this day is to celebrate the love and union of each other and that's what most important. It's not about the CPs and flowers and DJs and photos. It's about sharing this day with loved ones.

ETA: FHs mother is sick too. We don't know her prognosis as it can change each month. He's an only child so it makes our situation difficult as we've alread spent a few thousand, nonrefundable. But as I mentioned it's about spending the day celebrating with loved ones.