I'm a little sad.....

mv1003 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:00 AM

I'm a little sad.....

I came into work today to an e-mail from one of my bridesmaids. She told me that she got engaged New Year's Eve- which I'm thrilled for her about! (Trying to figure why she wrote that in an e-mail though).... until......
She writes how her Father has to have a certain Priest (he's a fireman and it's the priest for the fire house) and they have to have a certain reception place. Well, as luck would have it... the ONLY day that the Priest and the hall have in common is THE DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING. She also told me that her mother refuses to have any part of a summer wedding because they 'go away' for the summer.

(I'll define go away... they go on an hour drive to their summer home on the weekends)

Although I'm trying my best to be understanding, it's really hard. I've been engaged for over a year!!! She just got engaged and now neither one of us can be a part of eachother's day. I'm not so mad at her, I know it's stressful enough as it is- I guess a part of me wishes I didn't have to wait soooo long! God do I wish money were never an issue! So, I'm terribly sad and now, I'm embarrassed to ask one of my other friends who all knew I had my bridal party already.

What's a girl to do? I never thought I would feel so bad if something didn't work out. I'm trying to to be a 'snob' but honestly, her mother couldn't have taken any summer weekend (in San Franscico HOT weather is not an issue)!

Thanks for listening!

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:08 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

I think your friend is very WRONG.She should pick another day.There are so many days in a year,I really think she can pick another.I would be if I were you.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:09 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

OMG how selfish I think..

But today I am a basket full of emotions..

Call her maybe you can work it out!

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:10 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

I agree with you... that is really disappointing and I can understand why you would be a little bummed.... Trying to be graceful but the other side is like ready to tear your hair out! ... You are handling this really super well and being very accomodating.... I am not sure why she told you this via e-mail- was she afraid to tell you in person? Is there a way that you guys can both celebrate together later? Are other people in your party going to hers the day before? Keep your head up, Michelle, and tell her how disappointed you are that you won't be at each others weddings... Maybe things will change- have my fingers crossed for you....

christine1221 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:22 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

You have every right to be sad, sweetie! It's such a shame when these things happen ... I'll be thinking of you ... good luck!

OctBride03 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:37 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

OH Michelle I am soo sorry you are going through this! Your friend should know better, shame on her! I find it VERY hard to believe that this Priest is ONLY available on that day... Why does she have to have an October wedding anyway? There are plenty of other months rather than using a summer month! Oh and by the way, if a summer home is more important than your daughter getting married, then these people have issues! GEEEZ, people just have no respect for others! I'm assuming she wrote this all to you in an e-mail as trying to avoid confrontation with you, but what did she expect, you to say 'yeah okay so and so, you have your wedding the day before mine and things will be fine.' Yeah, I dont think so! Again, I'm sorry this is happening.

Also, if you have another friend in mind to take over the duties, I think you should ask her! You have not bought gowns yet and I think your friend would feel absolutely honored. I had asked a friend after I had chosen a BP already too. And she couldn't have been happier.

I do hope everything works out for you!

JoRo Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:38 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

oh gosh sweetie, i feel so badly for you. you have every right to feel blue, this is just such a shame. i definitely you should call her (be the bigger person). obviously she knows she did something a little wrong because she couldn't tell you in person.

honestly, you are being understanding. i would be breaking objects!! just be open and honest with her and convey how disappointed you are. you have every right! (and personally, i think she had none!)

good luck and let us know how it turns out.

avesur Posted: Jan 13, 2003 10:47 AM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

I totally understand you, because in my case, I might not have Maid of Honor either. My country (Venezuela) is doing horrible, and her business collapsed; even the USA embasy is closing because of this. So, I don't even know if my parents could come

But, how old is your BM? if what she said is true, her family holds control over her wedding
By the looks of it, she has to get married this year, no summer, and in the Fireman reception hall ... I am sure that if she wrote you instead of calling you, is because she feels miserable about too. Things can't be change, but at least try to salvage your friendship.

take care, and good luck!

Elena

WishCandy Posted: Jan 13, 2003 12:41 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

That sux! I would be really annoyed. I mean I'm sure out of 365 days - that the priest is there other days.
And telling you by email? What the hell is that about? You would think she would have a lil' more decency than that... ESPECIALLY after making her wedding the day b4 yours.
If she respected your friendship - she would've had a heart to heart talk with you... apologizing etc.
But, she obviously doesn't.
You should definitely confront her about this.

michele31 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 12:45 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

She is showing her true colors. It is plain to see that she has agreed to this plan and doesn't have the guts to face you. She wrote you an e-mail instead of meeting you in person to discuss this.
Tell her you wish her well and that's that. I am sorry that she has upset you. I would be very upset myself.

mv1003 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 01:31 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

Thanks guys!!!!

I can't believe she told me in the e-mail!!!
I also can't believe that her mother can't sacrifice one of her weekends!!! Whatever- I know due to our age (not that we're over the hill- but 33) she'd like to get married this year! She was planning on a Sept. wedding, but the priest yadda, yadda-

I'm trying really hard not to be mad at her, but I am really disappointed!

Thanks for listening!!!

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 13, 2003 01:35 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

That is horrible for you.

Honestly, I dont see how adults allow their parents to rule their decisions. Its not a good enough excuse in my mind no matter what the pressure her parents are putting on her. If she is old enough to be married, she is old enough to tell her parents that she has an obligation to you and would like you to be involved her wedding. They will just have to deal with her and her FH's decisions about THEIR wedding.

shamma Posted: Jan 13, 2003 03:09 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

If you had not set a wedding date yet, she would have had a good reason, but she knew everything. She probably feels bad, but feeling bad does not compensate. I would never want my wedding date or any of my friend's wedding date to be close to each other. I would love to be a part of their day and vice versa. She should have spoken up to her mother and let her know. I wish you all the best. Chin up sweetie. All will be well. I can imagine how you feel.

jennbaby Posted: Jan 13, 2003 03:13 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

This is the 2nd post I have read today concerning selfishness
I am so sorry to hear this.
Explain to the 'b' girl you'd like to choose the story & I am sure she will understand.

I wish you Good Luck & nothiong but happiness from today foward

Tammy5-03 Posted: Jan 13, 2003 06:40 PM

Re: I'm a little sad.....

I'm so sorry that your friend would treat you this way. Its obvious that you value the friendship much more than she does. There is no excuse for her behavior, I'm sure there were other days that could have worked out for her and her family.
Please ask your other firend to take part in your day. I was a second choice for a wedding and I was thrilled to be asked. It really didn't bother me at all.
Best of luck with everything, I'm sure it will all work out.