I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Original post by kmkelly

Sep 07, 2005 11:52 AM

I'm getting married June 25, 2006.

My brother, who is not even divorced yet, has met a girl he wants to marry and in his words 'it's moving fast'. He's planning an April 2006 wedding, small beause it's his second, but it is her first, and it's in Florida. P.S. he's known her three months. So, two months before my wedding I've been planning for a year, and i've waited my whole life for, he's planning his wedding. This is my FIRST wedding and I will be 44 years old. This is supposed to be my time.

I spoke with him yesterday about it and said if the tables were turned, how would you feel? He said I'd be ecstatic for you. Of course, he's a guy and doesn't get it. He called me back later, and said what are we going to do about this, I don't want there to be a grudge. I won't hold a grudge, I am just very sad. That's how I work, I internalize. Maybe his wedding will be small, but all the people at his wedding, brothers, sister, cousins, parents, are practially all in my wedding party.

So here's my question. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being selfish? Oversensitive? How would you handle it? I need some feedback on this. I'm giving him a day or two to talk it over with his 'fiancee' (although I don't know if you cann have a fiancee if you're still married to the last wife). Hopefully a woman' opinion will help.

I know this is long, but I appreciate any thoughts on the situation.

--Kathy

Soon2BeMrsS Posted: Sep 07, 2005 06:25 PM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 07, 2005 09:05 PM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Posted by kmkelly

So here's my question. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being selfish? Oversensitive? How would you handle it?

Yes. Yes. Yes. I would just accept that your brother has his life and is going to do what he wants. You have about two months seperating your weddings, I don't really see what the big deal is? His wedding will not have any impact on your day at all. I honestly don't think his wedding is even that close to yours. And besides, it's going to be a Florida wedding, chances are it won't even compare to yours. You get a wedding 'day' not the whole year.

germai68 Posted: Sep 07, 2005 11:05 PM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

October Bliss Posted: Sep 08, 2005 01:08 AM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

You are entitled to feel how you feel. If it upsets you that is okay.

I don't know how I would feel about it though.

I would talk to him about why he is rushing into a marriage before he is even divorced, and try and find out what his motivation is. It might help sort out your feelings to the point where you KNOW you are right about feeling the way you are without asking us, or you might realize that he is just off in neverland and it has no effect whatsoever on you and your day and will no longer be a care or concern in your mind.

kmkelly Posted: Sep 08, 2005 09:39 AM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I would probably be a little bit upset. My BM just got married last week and I am getting married in a week and a half. Hers was at City Hall however and she planned it 1 month ago. I wasn't really upset about that though. So how small is his wedding going to be, that would make or break my feelings.

His wedding will be on the small side, but everyone there will be my wedding party. Plus a lot of the same people. But not as big.

kmkelly Posted: Sep 08, 2005 10:17 AM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

My brother just called me, and he and his girlfriend decided to get married in September in New York. I'm so relieved.

I don't think he realized at all how this would impact me. I'm so happy I could cry. He never meant to hurt my feelings, he just didn't think, and also, I'm not like everyone else (oversensitive and a bit overreactive, oh yeah, and a bit mental).

Thank you God and Jimmy.

Cake makes me happy !!!

Summer05 Posted: Sep 08, 2005 10:18 AM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Thats Great!

kaklesmay Posted: Sep 08, 2005 11:58 AM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

If he cares about your feelings he will have his after yours.

Tell him he could sign the marriage license whenever he wants and have the actual party after yours if he needs to do it so fast. You dont need to have a wedding to be married.

It takes at least 6 months to get divorced from when you file for separation so he may not even be able to do it by then anyway.

Durr, just read your update... CONGRATS!!

kmkelly Posted: Sep 08, 2005 02:47 PM

Thanks Everyone for Your Support

LuvMyFH Posted: Sep 08, 2005 02:55 PM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

However you feel is ok, you don't chose how you feel and you should discuss it with your brother and figure out a way to make both of you happy.

Just to look at his side for a minute. He is getting divorced and obviously not afraid of getting into another marriage he wants to start his new life and he wants to start it quickly. So what can you really do it about it make him put his life on hold so you can have the couple of months to yourself. Would it be a big deal to you if the difference was six months opposed to three?

Maybe you both can work out a happy medium.

Noiva06 Posted: Sep 08, 2005 03:00 PM

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Posted by heidla

Posted by ChristineAE

1) There's never a wrong/right to the way you feel. It's the way you feel and that's it.
2) IMHO: I honestly wouldn't get upset if it were me b/c your wedding will be COMPLETELY different than his and is three months later.

Well said.

Also completely agree.