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I'm annoyed...
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Re: I'm annoyed...
In my opinion, yes you should pay of the party. If your parents want to contribute that is awsome.
We had an e-party, that we paid for most of all of it, and YES everyone wanted us to have the party. We decided to go with the firehouse partially catered and part home cooked food, dj, home made favors and such. We did this because we could not afford to have a catering hall party.
My parents unfortunatly could not brunt alot of the cost so they helped with cooking and where ever they could... his dad and mom are seperated, and his Mom was sopposed to cook and decided that 'we are asking to much of her to help with' after SHE had origionally told us what she wanted to make (and that was a weekk before the party)!!!![]()
but, his Dad cut us a check for a FEW hundred dollars to help with any expenses, which did really help with hero's, soda, beer, etc....
I would say if you are worried about cost, have a smaller affair. No one should be against that. YOU should explain your point to your FH and YOUR parents that you dont think they should pay for it, so either scale down the party, or make it just more intimate. Or possibly cancell the idea, after all you never wanted on any way!
I hope that I helped~
We had an e-party, that we paid for most of all of it, and YES everyone wanted us to have the party. We decided to go with the firehouse partially catered and part home cooked food, dj, home made favors and such. We did this because we could not afford to have a catering hall party.
My parents unfortunatly could not brunt alot of the cost so they helped with cooking and where ever they could... his dad and mom are seperated, and his Mom was sopposed to cook and decided that 'we are asking to much of her to help with' after SHE had origionally told us what she wanted to make (and that was a weekk before the party)!!!
I would say if you are worried about cost, have a smaller affair. No one should be against that. YOU should explain your point to your FH and YOUR parents that you dont think they should pay for it, so either scale down the party, or make it just more intimate. Or possibly cancell the idea, after all you never wanted on any way!
I hope that I helped~
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Re: I'm annoyed...
Honestly fh needs to give his parents a reality check if they are not helping out and insisting on having things. My mother did the same thing opened her mouth about the flower arrangements saying oh..well why don't you do this? I was like are you paying for it???
E partys are tricky the money is supposed to be given to your wedding not to pay for the eparty and i really think its silly for your family to pay for it when you of fh didn't really want it.
Could you scale back with it at all now or you lock down in contract, etc?
I am sorry to hear these problems.
E partys are tricky the money is supposed to be given to your wedding not to pay for the eparty and i really think its silly for your family to pay for it when you of fh didn't really want it.
Could you scale back with it at all now or you lock down in contract, etc?
I am sorry to hear these problems.
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Re: I'm annoyed...
I say scrap the e-party....it's unnecessary and it just seems like its a financial strain on all parties involved....
I would be annoyed too....
I would be annoyed too....
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Re: I'm annoyed...
Be prepared this is just the begining. Throughout all this planning just remember never to let anyone regardless of who they are make decisions for you. Your party will be great I would try to cut down the list on his end and have an even number of people from both sides. Good Luck!
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Re: I'm annoyed...
You need to remember: this is your wedding and you should do it how YOU want to. If you do decide to stick with the e-party try cutting it down and try paying for it. Use the money your parent want to give you for it towards the actual wedding instead.... I mean, I know it will add up the same in the end but at least to you its that your parents are helping with the wedding, not the e-party they never really pushed for. Its true, this is just the beginning but not to get you scared or anything! You just need to stick up for what you really want to do and if you have fh's support, decisions shouldn't be too difficult to enforce.
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Re: I'm annoyed...
I have to remind my mom all the time that FH and I are paying for this wedding and we are going to do what we want. See I am the very passive one in our relationship, FH opens his mouth though for me- especially towards his parents...
but lately I learned how to stand up and say what I need too. So now I just remind my mom that we ar epaying for this wedding and our e-party and if she doesnt like something we do she can voice her opinion but I dont want to hear it more than once and I dont want her to expect that we change our minds for her.
I think FH should have a chat with his parents maybe they will understand once he voices his thoughts- thats how my parents got the pic cause they always knew I was the passive child in my family - and I am one of 7 as well!!!
but lately I learned how to stand up and say what I need too. So now I just remind my mom that we ar epaying for this wedding and our e-party and if she doesnt like something we do she can voice her opinion but I dont want to hear it more than once and I dont want her to expect that we change our minds for her.
I think FH should have a chat with his parents maybe they will understand once he voices his thoughts- thats how my parents got the pic cause they always knew I was the passive child in my family - and I am one of 7 as well!!!
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Re: I'm annoyed...
The only reason my parents are paying for it is because they want to have one. I don't think FH parents care to have one. They live upstate and do it differently then us on Long Island so I don't think they are used to having them.
If having an eparty is causing more stress and you guys don't really want one then I wouldn't have it. It is not worth stressing over when your wedding is going to be beautiful. Even if you want a small eparty all the people who would go to that know you and are close to you. It is up to you whether to have one or not.
If having an eparty is causing more stress and you guys don't really want one then I wouldn't have it. It is not worth stressing over when your wedding is going to be beautiful. Even if you want a small eparty all the people who would go to that know you and are close to you. It is up to you whether to have one or not.
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Re: I'm annoyed...
Posted by Kimbalina
In my opinion, yes you should pay of the party. If your parents want to contribute that is awsome.
We had an e-party, that we paid for most of all of it, and YES everyone wanted us to have the party. We decided to go with the firehouse partially catered and part home cooked food, dj, home made favors and such. We did this because we could not afford to have a catering hall party.
My parents unfortunatly could not brunt alot of the cost so they helped with cooking and where ever they could... his dad and mom are seperated, and his Mom was sopposed to cook and decided that 'we are asking to much of her to help with' after SHE had origionally told us what she wanted to make (and that was a weekk before the party)!!!but, his Dad cut us a check for a FEW hundred dollars to help with any expenses, which did really help with hero's, soda, beer, etc....
I would say if you are worried about cost, have a smaller affair. No one should be against that. YOU should explain your point to your FH and YOUR parents that you dont think they should pay for it, so either scale down the party, or make it just more intimate. Or possibly cancell the idea, after all you never wanted on any way!
I hope that I helped~
I agree with you but the problem is that she didn't want a big e-party she wanted a small get together and her FIL's are the ones who pushed her to have this party. If they were the ones who really wanted it then they should pay for it.
She was planning on having a small get together, im guessing either at a house or restaurant...Now she has this expense for something she didn't even want and also has to pay more bc his family is inviting a majority of the guests.
The advice i can give and i know its hard is limit the amount of guests they invite...Trust me i know its hard but it can be done somewhat. FH's family is HUGE and we invited about 60 family members on his side alone. I was able to bring it down to about 140-150 which is ALOT but we started out with about 180-190
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Re: I'm annoyed...
I think a lot of the girls have already given you wonderful advice.
So, all i can say is that as hard as it is, don't bring it up to FH. One thing I've learned through having many in-laws at a young age is that you never want to come in between FH and his parents/famliy. They are who they are, and they won't do things the way you are used to.
I agree, FH's parents shouldn't put in their 2 cents about the engagement party if they aren't going to pay, but now they did. Now you know not to listen to them when they initiate something that involves a lot of money.
try to take it as a lesson learned and it will never happen again.
So, all i can say is that as hard as it is, don't bring it up to FH. One thing I've learned through having many in-laws at a young age is that you never want to come in between FH and his parents/famliy. They are who they are, and they won't do things the way you are used to.
I agree, FH's parents shouldn't put in their 2 cents about the engagement party if they aren't going to pay, but now they did. Now you know not to listen to them when they initiate something that involves a lot of money.
try to take it as a lesson learned and it will never happen again.
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Re: I'm annoyed...
Posted by sassygirl9
I think a lot of the girls have already given you wonderful advice.
So, all i can say is that as hard as it is, don't bring it up to FH. One thing I've learned through having many in-laws at a young age is that you never want to come in between FH and his parents/famliy. They are who they are, and they won't do things the way you are used to.
I agree, FH's parents shouldn't put in their 2 cents about the engagement party if they aren't going to pay, but now they did. Now you know not to listen to them when they initiate something that involves a lot of money.
try to take it as a lesson learned and it will never happen again.
Very well said Leticia!!!
I'm sure your FH sees what his parents are doing to him...but they are his parents what can he say??!! Just don't mention anything to him about it because he might get really aggravated. you are 100% right...it was messed up what they did to you and FH but like the other girls said...it's a lesson learned...do not listen to any input they may have when you are planning your wedding unless you see them reaching into their pockets first!
Good luck...and try not to stress...this is suppose to be a happy time for you and your FH
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Re: I'm annoyed...
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Re: I'm annoyed...
Honestly money is a very sensitive subject for a lot of people and that makes it tough to tackle. You really cant/shouldnt get involved in his parents finances (obviously) unless they directly affect you and your FH, which in this case does. If you are paying for your own wedding and the savings are still tight, maybe you should make it a smaller affair if your FH and his family want one. A simple backyard bbq is perfect to get people together, a sit down dinner could cost thousands after all is said and done. Remember, this is your wedding and you dont want to say to yourself down the road 'I wish I didnt spend $1000 on the DJ for the eparty so I can get this dress instead.' You can get rid of the party all together as well, but it can be tough to say no to his parents. Honestly, my parents paid for our eparty, we had it at a small restaurant for $18 pp including beer wine and soda with only 40 people. No DJ, nothing fancy. I paid for the favors, DIY CPs and that was about it. It was simple and perfect for the two immediate families and our BP to meet. Everything cost under $1k I believe including the bar tab and tip. FH's parents cant afford anything, they are both retired and live off of social security so they dont have much, therefore, they are being really good and not demanding anything in this planning process. It all is up to you how you want to do it. Scaleing it down a lot could really help with finances and it would still satisfy both parts, his parents and your wallet. HTH
