AAAAAHHHHHH! Sorry if this is long, but: Backround: FH's younger bro has a GF and they have a baby. This GF we will call 'Nancy' She is a total C U N T !!! and that word isn't even good enough for her! Well, they live in FH's parents house, and act like they own the place. FMIL never gets to see the baby (they live upstairs) and there is always all this screaming and throwing of things and I just feel bad for the baby. I would call CPS if I ever witnessed it myself, but all I hear is stories. FH and I never go over their house because Nancy makes us feel so uncomforatble when we are there. Don't get me wrong she doesn't even come downstairs or anything, she just stomps around upstairs and slams doors like she is 7! Everytime we go there I have an upset stomach for like 3 days. And anytime we do get thrown into a situation where she is around us, all I get is the rolling of the eyes, and a sarcastic little smirk anytime I say anything or even laugh at anything (shes 21 mind you....not 16!)
Now to the problem I am having. We had originally sent out the invite to his Bro 'and Guest' because we felt we had to. But now things are getting worse, they broke up for about 2 weeks, and I felt so relieved that she wasn't going to be at our wedding that it made me realize how much I don't want her there. But now they are back together. I told my MOH (FH's older bro's wife) that I didn't want her invited to anything ( my shower, bach party) and that FH and I are trying to find a nice way to tell FH's Bro that we don't want her at the wedding. Well, the other day my mom tells me that she got into a big fight with FMIL because FMIL wants to invite Nancy to my shower!!!! I can't believe it! She says she wants to keep peace in the family! Well, then, kick her a$$ out of the family and there will be peace everywhere!!!! I told my MOH that FMIL needs to decide if she wants Nancy at my shower or me. I feel so strongly about this that if she comes, I will not make a big fuss about it, I will just get up and leave. I REALLY don't want her there. Am I over reacting? FH says that we should let her come to the wedding (not the shower), but just make sure she 'behaves' (like a dog ) but I just think that it is our day , and I will constantly be thinking about her rolling her eyes at me on my wedding day Please help me, I don't know what to do! Again, sorry this is long....
Espo22
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
are you really willing to leave your own shower bc of one person? Honestly, just focus on the good parts like everything that was done for you such as the shower and how much work they put into it. AND all those people who went out, bought you gifts and traveled to your shower to be with you. That should mean more than 1 person you dont like and should overshadow the bad. It S*CKs i know but really not worth it at all, you are giving her too much credit really, i mean to let 1 person effect you this much and ruin your shower. She should not be of this much concern in your life.
Seems like shes just childish and d*mb so just ignore and let her be, you wont even be paying attention to her at the shower. Unless she has purposefully done something bad against you, then as much as you dont like her seems like you have to invite your FBIL's gf to the wedding
040508Bride
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
you're not going to like what I have to say, I know I wouldn't if I were you....but unfortunately....you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. As tragic as it is, this Nancy chick kind of falls under the Family category. Everybody has the one person they can live without in their family.....this is yours. The best thing for you to do is to ALWAYS no matter WHAT it takes...be the bigger person, and take everything she does with a grain of salt. She's obviously very immature and ridiculous, so just don't pay any attention to her. If she gets out of control, then you ask her to leave.
ChristineAaron08
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
I would kill her with kindness--be super nice to her...so sarcastic. (like i do someone in my 'family')
I would invite her only b/c she is technically family. It might cause more problems than its worth to not invite her.
Seriously though- people are ALWAYS going to have something to say so dont even worry about he on YOUR wedding day. Who cares if she rolls her eyes, she's just a jealous biotch. Dont let her ruin your day. It has nothing to do w/ her
mariaobride
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
you will be so pre-occupied that day with everyone and opening your gifts etc. you may not even notice her- i would swallow it and just let it be- who knows from the way she sounds she may not even end up showing or she just might be broken up again
skinny237
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
I think u have to invite her to everything. It's not like she's just FBIL's GF...she's also the mother of his child. She's part of the family...like it or not.
(Sorry....I'm sure this isn't the answer u want to hear.)
truelove5803
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
I totally understand what you girls are saying, and I always do 'just let it slide' but I guess more for the fact of FMIL wanting to invite her to the shower knowing how much we don't get along is what makes me so mad. I guess her being at the wedding wouldn't be the end of the world, but I really am afraid of her tryign to pull something. I mean she really is vendictive. She once tried to break up FH and I saying that he cheated on me at a car show. But what she didn't know is that I was there I mean, she spreads rumors about me, and I know it's childish, but it just drives me crazy that FMIL would want to invite her to my shower....AND even after my mom and everyone else in my BP agreed not to invite her. But just because she is being a little nicer to FMIl lately, FMIL wants to suck up to her at my expense. I think that's what pisses me off the most. SHe did the same thing for my MOH shower. We weren't inviting her to the shower, then right before, she started being so friendly and not EVIL to the family, they begged me to invite her, I have to shell out another $45 for her to go and she didn't show up!!!
Future Mulligan
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
i think your FMIL is right - its the right thing to do, she should be invited to everything. just ignore her. who knows - she might not even show up - she isnt worth getting upset over - she sounds like a loser - but its true - you cant pick family, and not only is she FH's brother's girlfriend, she is also the mother of his baby (your soon to be niece/nephew) and she might be your sister in law one day - better to keep the peace....
Espo22
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
Posted by truelove5803
I totally understand what you girls are saying, and I always do 'just let it slide' but I guess more for the fact of FMIL wanting to invite her to the shower knowing how much we don't get along is what makes me so mad. I guess her being at the wedding wouldn't be the end of the world, but I really am afraid of her tryign to pull something. I mean she really is vendictive. She once tried to break up FH and I saying that he cheated on me at a car show. But what she didn't know is that I was there I mean, she spreads rumors about me, and I know it's childish, but it just drives me crazy that FMIL would want to invite her to my shower....AND even after my mom and everyone else in my BP agreed not to invite her. But just because she is being a little nicer to FMIl lately, FMIL wants to suck up to her at my expense. I think that's what pisses me off the most. SHe did the same thing for my MOH shower. We weren't inviting her to the shower, then right before, she started being so friendly and not EVIL to the family, they begged me to invite her, I have to shell out another $45 for her to go and she didn't show up!!!
i dont think FMIL is s*cking up to her, but for the fact that she is the mother of her grandchild the right thing to do is try to be civil with her. The last thing FMIL wants is to have this girl distance herself away from FMIL along with the child and also its a pretty bad environment for the baby if there is so much drama, so i think its only in the best interest of the baby for them to all get along. Again, its your shower, people will all be there for you, focus on ALL those people and get her out of your mind. If she was just a gf i would say differently but she is the mother of fbil's child so she will be around a very long time, so its better to learn how to deal with her bc theres nothing else you can do. Either learn to deal with it and not stress or stress and just drive yourself crazy
Bellez95
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
If I were you i wouldn't put FMIL in the mix ( you dont want problems with her believe me) Call Nancy yourself and say listen little girl I really dont want you to attend or have you MOH do it for you.
klovess14
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
I hear where you are coming from. I have the same issue with my FSIL. All was fine until I gave into the rants of my FH mother & family about why she can't be in the wedding, she really wants to be a part of your day BLAH BLAH BLAH. What a load of crap. So I put her in the bridal party and it's been nothing but hell since. She talks S***, makes fun of me all the time to everyone, contantly complains about eberything (even my registry). We have been engaged for about 18months now and I never hated anything about my wedding, neve had any stress but I do now. All I want to do is kick her out of the wedding and I ready for the 'family' concequences. As do you feel strongly about certain things so do I and I'm ready not to invite FBIL & FSIL if they deside to be spitful. I know this is causing you alot of stress and yes it is hard to be the better person but I definately understand where you are coming from. You don't want everyone to fight in the family but at the same time this is your day and why do you have to be miserable. If she shows up to the bridal shower - don't leave - you'll upset your guest and that may reflect on how they respond to your wedding invite. Ignore her - pretend that she doesn't bother you. She is just jealous of you. If she's not married to your brother then maybe she's just pissed off that you get to have this big wedding while she didn't get to have that. Maybe she wants your FBIL to get engaged to her and he doesn't want to. Her anger has to stem from somewhere....
trojo1521
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
Posted by Espo22
are you really willing to leave your own shower bc of one person? Honestly, just focus on the good parts like everything that was done for you such as the shower and how much work they put into it. AND all those people who went out, bought you gifts and traveled to your shower to be with you. That should mean more than 1 person you dont like and should overshadow the bad. It S*CKs i know but really not worth it at all, you are giving her too much credit really, i mean to let 1 person effect you this much and ruin your shower. She should not be of this much concern in your life.
Seems like shes just childish and d*mb so just ignore and let her be, you wont even be paying attention to her at the shower. Unless she has purposefully done something bad against you, then as much as you dont like her seems like you have to invite your FBIL's gf to the wedding
Good call! Couldn't have said it any better...
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
I agree with all the girls. If she is rolling her eyes at your shower, your guests will see that and know she is an idiot and a jealous c-u-n-t. And if she is always rolling her eyes and being a baby when you are around, it sounds like she won't even come to the shower. Try not to worry about it. Maybe you can express to FMIL how much you don't want her there but that you will accept it since she is 'family' and ask that she speaks to her about behaving like an adult? Might make things worse, I am not sure.
Have you ever sat down and talked to Nancy about why she behaves the way she does? I know it would be hard, being that you dislike her so much, but maybe it would help? Does FBIL see this dumb behavior? Has he ever addressed it?
to you!
truelove5803
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Re: FMIL needs to decide if she wants ME at MY shower or not!
Alright girls, thanks for all your input, I guess I will be the better person like always, and just turn the other cheek. You are all right, it is my day, and I just can't let her ruin it. Thank you so much, and I will let you all know how things go. Thanks again, I knew I could count on you!
AR31
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
don't ruin your big day for her.. she's probably jealous of you for doing everyhting the right way.. dont stoop to her level..
Adriana618
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
I kinda understand how the FMIL feels and wanting to keep the peace... you cant really kick her to the curb if she is the baby mama. Its not that you have to like her but its more just formality.
Tuff situation.... Has she done anything to you personally? I mean just because you dont like her is enough to not invite her? Otherwise she's just FH's family baggage and you just have to deal and keep you head high and be the bigger person...
just my opinion.
Espo22
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
Posted by truelove5803
Alright girls, thanks for all your input, I guess I will be the better person like always, and just turn the other cheek. You are all right, it is my day, and I just can't let her ruin it. Thank you so much, and I will let you all know how things go. Thanks again, I knew I could count on you!
its best for you in the end. You will only get 1 bridal shower, so truly enjoy the moment. Dont let somebody who is not even important to you ruin this experience, you'll regret it and then nothing you can do to change it.
Nechama1
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
If she doesn't like you, why would she come? And even if she does come because she feels obligated, just ignore her...and enjoy the present she buys you! Good luck! Don't let it ruin your shower!
Fall Bride 2008
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
Dont leave your shower because of her it will only make you look bad. I know it stinks and I am sorry you have to go through this.
LoveRocks
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Re: I'm going to enjoy my shower no matter what!!!
My brother has an evil gf and unfortunately, she was at my shower and wedding, but there were so many other people there that I love so it wasn't too hard to ignore her.
As far as the bach party goes, there was no way in hell that she was coming!! She tried to get herself invited, but my MOH took care of that and told her straight out that she was not included and it was just for my friends.
