I'm really upset.....

I don't know what to do. As much as I love JT, I am so upset with him and I don't know how to handle it. He is so beyond financial irresponsibility that I am dumbfounded. I am SO responsible with money, and we decided early on that I would handle paying the bills, and I am fine with that, but then today he tells me that because he never bothered to open his student loan bills that he was getting, he only found out today that he was supposed to start paying them back in January and that he did not have a six month grace period because he already used that the last time he was out of school. I am so beyond mad and frustrated that I am sick to my stomach. This is the person I am marrying. Someone who can't even open his own mail. I feel so doomed right now that I words cannot even describe it. We have discussed his irresponsibility in this area more times than I care to count. And more times than that he has promised to get himself in shape. It's to the point where I want to split our joint account and not have ANYTHING shared with him. How do you have a life like that? We will never be able to have a house in both our names because he is unable to open an f-ing bill, and it is NOT my job to open HIS mail everytime it looks like he got a bill. God, I'm just so numb over the fact that this is what I have to deal with. I have THOUSANDS of dollars saved of my own money. THOUSANDS. I pay my bills on time, I pay more than I am supposed to most times. How am I supposed to deal with someone who has NO ability or even want to be financially stable? I am just so disgusted.

I know how you feel. I started opening DH's mail (bills) when I would notice he didn't, then encourage him to pick a night to pay bills. Still wouldn't always happen.

Makes me crazy!! But so does the dresser drawers wide open, not replacing the TP, etc & so on ...

I feel your pain!
I've decided to take over all of the bills becuse if it was up to Tom, they would either get paid late or the day they were due....he's terrible with it too
you're lucky you made it out of that high school with financial responsibility Rachel!!

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Posted by palebride

I feel your pain!
I've decided to take over all of the bills becuse if it was up to Tom, they would either get paid late or the day they were due....he's terrible with it too
you're lucky you made it out of that high school with financial responsibility Rachel!!

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Yeah, seriously. It must have been something they were putting in the boys' food at that school It made them completely incompetent in matters of $

Im sorry. A long time ago, I was a bartender and every tuesday night this couple would come in and order a few carraffes of wine and some cheap bar food, they would bring their bills, stamps and drink and pay theirbills together. It worked for them..maybe if you guys did it together..he could learn from you how to be financially responisible. Student loans are no joke and they will ruin his credit! If he calls, they will most likely extend his grace period..they are very flexible!!! I wish you lots of luck!!!

Thanks everyone I appreciate the feedback. He did call today and they worked something out. He is really upset with himself because he used to be ontop of things. He is very depressed lately over work-related issues and what not, and it is playing itself out in the form of financial irresponsibility. It's no excuse, but we're trying to find a solution. It's just so discouraging sometimes, especially when I am trying to do all the right things.

I think you are going to have to take control here. I know you said its not your job to open his mail, but if you are going to be in charge of paying the bills, it is going to have to be all thw bills, including his student loans. As you have alrady realized, it effects both of you.

I know you are not his keeper, you are partners, but partners have diffenrnt strengths & you need to go witht hat.
Maybe you could not open his mail, but ask him every week or 2 weeks, wheber you go through your bills, what bills he has received, what checks he has written, what money he has withdrawn,etc, so he kets into a routine.

Sort of like, you will have to be the manager, but he will have to do his share.

WOW I must be an exception of all the men out there. I pay all my bills on time or early...I even open all my mail all by myself lol. Danielle on the other hand is not that good with paying bills and always waits for the last minute. It drives me crazy. I will be paying all the bills and watching the books.
Scott

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Posted by Danielle&Scott

WOW I must be an exception of all the men out there. I pay all my bills on time or early...I even open all my mail all by myself lol. Danielle on the other hand is not that good with paying bills and always waits for the last minute. It drives me crazy. I will be paying all the bills and watching the books.
Scott

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and i am right there with you buddy --all finances in our house are paid by me, as soon as they come in, i keep creidt card receipts and past records to check for accuracy. Boosh loses the credit cards receipts all the time and it drives me nuts. I balance the checkbook and always check my banks statements vs. the ATM receipts to make sure nothing extra is coming out of the account.

So, there's at least 2 responsible guys here

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Posted by don424

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Posted by Danielle&Scott

WOW I must be an exception of all the men out there. I pay all my bills on time or early...I even open all my mail all by myself lol. Danielle on the other hand is not that good with paying bills and always waits for the last minute. It drives me crazy. I will be paying all the bills and watching the books.
Scott

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and i am right there with you buddy --all finances in our house are paid by me, as soon as they come in, i keep creidt card receipts and past records to check for accuracy. Boosh loses the credit cards receipts all the time and it drives me nuts. I balance the checkbook and always check my banks statements vs. the ATM receipts to make sure nothing extra is coming out of the account.

So, there's at least 2 responsible guys here

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Do you guys wanna hold a seminar for all of our men?

But Scott, if we charge them, how do we know they'll open the bills???



sorry -- i couldn't resist

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Posted by don424

But Scott, if we charge them, how do we know they'll open the bills???



sorry -- i couldn't resist

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BAHAHAHA that is too funny. If they open their emails, we can send them invoices that way..and have them pay by money order or by pay pal.
Scott

My DH used to do the same thing and with a little training he is on top of it now. To the point of obsession! It just takes a little work. JT has to realize that what he does now will affect YOUR life too...and things like not paying student loans can affect buying a house, receiving loans etc.....

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Posted by 121502

I don't know what to do. As much as I love JT, I am so upset with him and I don't know how to handle it. He is so beyond financial irresponsibility that I am dumbfounded. I am SO responsible with money, and we decided early on that I would handle paying the bills, and I am fine with that, but then today he tells me that because he never bothered to open his student loan bills that he was getting, he only found out today that he was supposed to start paying them back in January and that he did not have a six month grace period because he already used that the last time he was out of school. I am so beyond mad and frustrated that I am sick to my stomach. This is the person I am marrying. Someone who can't even open his own mail. I feel so doomed right now that I words cannot even describe it. We have discussed his irresponsibility in this area more times than I care to count. And more times than that he has promised to get himself in shape. It's to the point where I want to split our joint account and not have ANYTHING shared with him. How do you have a life like that? We will never be able to have a house in both our names because he is unable to open an f-ing bill, and it is NOT my job to open HIS mail everytime it looks like he got a bill. God, I'm just so numb over the fact that this is what I have to deal with. I have THOUSANDS of dollars saved of my own money. THOUSANDS. I pay my bills on time, I pay more than I am supposed to most times. How am I supposed to deal with someone who has NO ability or even want to be financially stable? I am just so disgusted.

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121502 -- you need to consistently stress the importance of paying bills on time and opening them -- poor credit rating is one of the toughest things to get out from under