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I'm so annoyed! Father's wife's grandchild at MY wedding???

EBM7 Posted:

I'm so annoyed! Father's wife's grandchild at MY wedding???

I'm so annoyed right now - my dad is bugging me about having his wife's granddaughter at the wedding. He keeps saying it's HIS granddaughter - she's like 5 years old and we're not having kids at the wedding, but he just keeps saying that 'his granddaughter' is not just any kid. I don't know what to do - part of me knows he's right - if my sister had kids they'd obviously be at the wedding, but I don't consider mu step-brother (the kid's father) to be my brother, although my dad considers him his son! It's so complicated.

suven Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Is your Dad contributing $ toward the wedding? If so, you should probably invite the child. HOWEVER, if others (who are not allowed to bring their children) would be offended, then that's a different story and the child should NOT be invited.

Good Luck to you!
EBM7 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Yes - he is paying for the wedding, but he says (and I agree) that has nothing to do with it. He feels it is just the right thing. AND also yes - others will be offended that they cannot bring their children. My dad thinks 'this is different.'

gpsyeyes Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

i would invite the child, if you were going to invite any other children in your immediate family. I don't think you should consider his grandchild any different than if they were blood related. Unless you really don't get along and/or despise his new family and aren't inviting them, IMO, the child should be welcomed as if they were a blood relation. To me, family is family no matter how they came to be, either by blood or marriage. Please don't take this wrong, it's just my opinion.

EBM7 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

The thing is that we're not inviting ANY other children - she would literally be the ONLY one.

gpsyeyes Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

that's tough - maybe she could just come for a little while and have someone take her home after cocktail hour. I guess, though, you need to decide how you would handle it if your brother or sister had a child and they would be the only one - would you still exclude the child? We are having all of our nieces and nephews (via both blood and marriage). The younger ones are sitting with their parents and the older ones at a table by themselves. I really couldn't imagine not having them there, they are such a big part of our lives. I know it is a difficult decision in your case, but, as i have been constantly been told, it's your day, and don't let anyone force you into doing something you don't want to do. I hope it all works out for you.

regina2 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

I have the same problem with my father. He seems so want us all to be the Brady bunch..my mother passed away seven years ago and he got remarried about 4 years ago. I really like his wife - she is very nice if not a bit passive aggressive (but that is for another post).

My father wanted me to invite them all to the rehersal dinner and I had to say NO to that. And then his wife asked me if her grandchildren were invited. I said yes to the older ones (I was asked to her granddaughters wedding), but not to the ones that were 11/13. I am not inviting cousins of mine under 18, so why should I invite her grandchildren who are not even blood relatives.

I hate the fact that he keeps referring to them as stepbrothers and sisters when I've only met then less then 5 years ago. Give it up already...


I feel your pain...I would stick to your guns. In my case I just sat her down and explained that I wasn't having anyone under the age of 18 except for our nieces and nephews. There will be a lot of drinking at our wedding and I dont want to deal with kids and their parents....
sanmik Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Let him know that she will be the only child there. I personally would invite her, but I had kids at my wedding. I happen to like it when the kids are there. They are family. But I ONLY family kids invited. If there aren't a lot of kids there, she probably won't be running around and will behave.

chari Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

I CAN TOTALLY RELATE... THE GRANDCHILD SHOULD NOT, NOT, NOT BE INVITED!!!!! ITS NOT YOUR FAMILY ... ITS YOUR FATHERS WIFES... IF THERES NO OTHER CHILDREN GOING TO BE THEIR, NEITHER SHOULD THE GRANDCHILD... CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE INVITED TO WEDDINGS.. ITS A GROWN-UP EVENT....
EBM7 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Chari - I totally agree! I'm so annoyed I don't even know what to do. I know my dad is going to make a big deal about it if I say no and his wife will be even worse. I can't believe he can't see that 1 child is 1 child too many!

Alvatorre74 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

I say if he's paying then U should.!!!

chari Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Hi.. My parents are divorced and I just had the same convo as you about why my fathers -girlfriends- sister had to be invited to MY wedding... anyway, your problem is different because it is a child...I would stick to my guns about this and tell him that if you invite his wifes grandchild, you would have to invite ALL the children and that its not fair to everyone.. If his wifes makes a big deal thats HIS problem and not YOURS... ITS YOUR WEDDING>>> DONT BE BULLIED!!!!

butterfly20 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

the granddaughter would be your step niece....
i could see why you wouldnt want to invite her...Maybe she can come to the ceremony(promise not to cry and screw up the video)... then someone watch the girl for reception part(you could tell him, because no other children are invited 'no single child should be around a bunch of drinking adults'
michele31 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Here is my question: who will watch this child at the wedding? And will she stay the entire reception or just for an hour or so?
I had only Scott's neice and nephew at our wedding and we had them in our bridal party so as to not offend others. I guess, this is a personal decision. If you are trying to prove a point- that you do not consider these people your family- then be perpared for them NOT considering your family after this. And the fact that your dad is paying so much towards the wedding and asking you for one thing seems very fair IMO. I guess I would tell him that she can attend for the cocktail hour and then needs to be picked up by her babysitter because you do not want child attending the formal dinner.
And I do not agree this is HIS problem- have these people done something to hurt you? Your dad is giving you A LOT , and asking very, very little in return.
Oh, and anyone can bring a child to a ceremony if it is in a church. There are no rules about that. You cannot tell people NO child during a ceremony. Most people do not allow their child to run out of control in the church either.
2003fallwedding Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Me personally, I don't want kids at my wedding. My cousins all have little kids and I am close to all of them (they call me Aunt) they are not coming, they were not invited plus their parents don't want them there. They want to enjoy the wedding and not have to worry where the kids are. Why would the parent want the child there anyway? Is your step-mom going to watch the child so she behaves? My gut says don't invite her...JMO!!

Xelindrya Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Regardless of the money issue, I wouldnt invite her.
It's not an issue of family but that no other children will be there. She'll be lonely.

If push comes to shove you think he'll have her there with or without an invite? Something to consider.

I wouldn't, but im so close to my dad, it would be tough talking him down. I feel for you.

Good luck.

Worse case scenerio she goes. alone.

OCT1203 Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed!

Oh don't you just LOVE step-families!!! I had the same problem and you know what now I have 4 more kids that I have to pay for and don't want at my wedding!!! Our BLOOD nieces and nephews were already invited ( I got su*kered into that one too!!) So guess what ? It went to NOT wanting any kids to now I have 12 kids at my wedding ( 1/2 are 6 and under) I say if you don't want kids...stick to that otherwise you will get su*kered into having even more. Just wait till you get your responses back and someone puts that their kid is coming and you only invited the parents (this also happened to me). Oh, are you having all of your step family coming?? Because just wait till you have to do the seating and where they get placed. My father and I just had this arguement 2 weeks ago and we did not speak for a week! He was saying the same thing ' this is my family' and I said 'first of all they are not my family and this is MY WEDDING!!....Second that cousin over their that has the same blood running through there veins as you ..That IS YOUR FAMILY!!!' I Hate Step Families right now.


Do I sound a little bitter?? Sorry!! Seriously, it only gets worse!! You do what is important to you and if that means no kids then don't have ANY kids. Don't get Su*kered like me and then really wish you would have stuck to what you wanted!! JMO
blushngbride Posted:

Re: I'm so annoyed! Father's wife's grandchild at MY wedding???

I personally would invite her, children bring so much joy. There are going to be 30 kids at my wedding but thats my choice. And even if its not the case for you it only 1 5 year old little girl. Not sure how many people are going to be at your wedding but I'm sure she'll be occupied by others. After all if it means that much to your Dad then why use up wasted energy to go against it. Have fun enjoy your day. You have plenty of things to be happy for.

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