Me and Mr. Rick James.
I just don't even know where to start. I guess the countdown is the best possible place, so you can understand my current mindset:
I have 17 days left.
Sorry for the delay. After I typed that, I collapsed in fits, and had to pick myself up off the floor. So long story short, I'm simply....I don't know! I don't even know how to explain it! I was going to say 'I'm simply freaking out', but I don't think that's true, since I got home yesterday and promptly sat on the couch to watch The Biggest Loser and didn't give a second thought to all of the things I have to do.
What could you possibly have left to do, you ask?
Well, you nosy b!tches, I'll tell you.
Table Numbers
Menus
Charter Bus
His Ring
Favors
Programs
Limos
Figuring out special songs (dad, mom, etc)
Final Flower approval
Seating Arrangements
Placecards
And start the drumroll:
No dress.
Are you plotzing?? I am. You know, when I first got engaged, I went into it with a lot of gusto, and thought- you're NOT going to be one of those brides who does everything at the last minute.
Guess what. Lackluster Bride: Party of One. I will be seated now. On the couch. So I can watch Family Guy reruns and not do anything else.
I have to tell you, it's a very strange mental state. I almost feel like it's NOT actually two and a half weeks away- it's like I'm SAYING two and a half weeks, but that unit of time has no basis in reality in my head.
However, I went for one of my last fittings last night, and it did NOT go well, so reality is slowly seeping in. In fact, it went so poorly, that I took NO pics, even though I had my camera the whole time. I love the dress, but the boob area I do NOT love. I asked her to recut it and do it all over again. Then she yelled at me for losing weight. I mean, she didn't yell, but she made it clear to me that this is a dressmaker's biggest nightmare, and if I lose anymore weight, we'll have a problem.
I was so stunned by these words, having never heard anything like them in my life, that I completely forgot to blame the new Spanx.
Yes, I got new Spanx. And judging from her reaction, they took off TWO INCHES. They're the same ones, (they go up to just below boob and down to above knee) I just went down a size. Let me tell you, I can't believe how much different they made me look- down just one spanx size. Breathing is a secondary concern. So anyway, NOW I'm getting a whole new top made. They love me over there.
On to the GOOD news- I kicked bridal @ss this weekend. On Saturday morning, I met with Duet and my photog, Alberto. I'm really excited, and I LOVED him. He seemed so sweet.
THEN I went to Estelle's Dressy Dresses. I have to write a WHOLE OTHER post about this place, because I think they have the greatest racket in town. Who are they to not take any returns?? EVERY other store in creation takes returns. What makes Estelle so special? I got there, and got all paranoid and self-conscious around all the skinny skanks, so I went crazy and bought three pairs of spanx. One was the regular spanx, and two were spanx stockings in packages that had clearly been opened and taped back closed. I don't know what got into me- I was drunk with the need for fat binding. I literally went on a Spanx bender, and now they can't be returned, and I want to kill myself. Add to that the $40 I threw away on a pair of earrings I got there months ago and will NOT wear, because I don't know what I was thinking that day, and I want to break Estelle's legs for my almost $200 back.
I WILL say, though, that I got a purse there for $40, and I LOVE it. So she's not ALL bad. Whatever. Anyone want to buy some slightly used spanx?
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And the worst part is, I went to another store later, and they had all the same spanx, and all could be returned. I'm a douche.
To continue, THEN I went to Tri-County, and got a veil!! I told him I was getting married in three weeks, and he almost slapped my face. However, I CAN'T believe the price I got ($60), and am thrilled I got it there. He is even putting it on this different metal thing that goes into your updo, and comes right out. It's like a one-prong comb instead of the multi-tooth comb, so it doesn't ruin your hair. I'm excited and nervous about it. I hope it works. Did anyone else get this??
THEN, not to be stopped in my quest for the awesomest Bridal Prep weekend of all time, I did a Utopia Swing-By to see AllegraCristina. HHEEEYYYYYY!!! It was soo good to see her- I got to see her in business, consulting the typical recalcitrant teen about an earring. The exchange between the mom and her teen went like this:
'Do you want to ask her (Allegra) a question?'
'NOOOOOOOOOO!!' delivered with all teen disgust and angst. She was WAY angsty. And Allegra was a RIOT- 'No, it's not a circle. It's a BARBELL. BAAARRBBEEELLLLLL.'
It was hysterical. And then this kid went and got a barbell in her ear. So anyway, Allegra, it was SO GREAT to see you!! I can't wait to stop by again- I hope it was okay!
Finally, I met with Tommy's Tunes, and tried to get my songs all done. I gave him a massive list of songs, and he said 'well, you understand we can't play all of these, it's just a blueprint.' I said 'Of Course', but then, when I left, I realized, hey, why CAN'T you play them all? Am I crazy? Please someone let me know.
And then finally, I went to get Doug's ring. I went to Gennaro's, and they told me that they couldn't guarantee it would come in in time.
You know, funny, the one big thing I leave until last is the ONE thing that has nothing to do with me. Isn't that the way?
PS- I went to Jared (psst- she went to Jared!), and they were INCREDIBLE there. Super nice. I got his ring, and I think it will be there on time. I posted a pic.
So now I have to do all of this other stuff listed above, and I can tell you already that favors have been scratched from thelist. I am OVER them, and if that's the one thing that has to give, well, then, so be it.
OH!! And finally, I did ONE thing I loved this weekend- I went to the Coach Outlets in Riverhead on Sunday. With my parents. My poor dad sat in a corner and I piled bags on top of him for hours. I went from buying my BM's wristlets to going all out and buying them bags. I looked for the pics to post, and I can't find them- maybe they were from last year? I don't know. What I DO know is, I couldn't resist a 50% off coach sale. Hey, I only have 2 BM's. They weren't THAT expensive, and I'm super excited to give them. Actually, I gave one to one of the girls already, and she was just so excited, so I felt great.
Okay, I can't type anymore. Sorry not funny, but just feeling crazy over here, and wanted to talk to you guys about the weekend. If anyone knows about that BArrons comb-thing, please let me know.
More later!! Sorry so long and boring. I'm just trying to keep my hands busy so I don't eat. Someone brought in a dessert tray. Why?
