I'm torn between my sister and my cousin... (long)

Sorry, I'm home sick so I have lots of time to think and write.... this will be long....

I know almost everyone experiences some sort of bridal party drama... but I've been pondering this for a long time and I really need to speak up to my sister now.

When I became engaged (Dec '07) it was assumed by my mother and older of my two sisters that the older sister would be my MOH. my little sister told me straight out she did not want to be- whew!!! My mistake was that I never officially said yes or no to their assumption and now here it is over a year later and the assumption still stands. My sister and I have grown apart more and more as the years go by, especially since she puts her boyfriend (that everyone hates), her friends, and her job well before her family.

I've let it go and figured that I'd give her a chance to prove her MOH status. So I went bridal dress shopping a few weeks ago, she was supposed to come but then couldn't make it b/c of work. Mind you she makes her own schedule. My cousin (from NJ who works 2 jobs) however, was able to, on last minute notice drive down and showed up (ok with an unexpected guest, but that was another story)
The day after only my two sisters and I went to look at another dress in another store and while I was trying on 'the' dress my assumed MOH was on the phone the entire time!!! How rude!!!

This weekend is my bday and I'm throwing myself a little party. I figured that all of my bridesmaids would be able to meet each other and 2 hrs before the start of my party we can all meet and look at the BM dresses and I can order my dress. Nice bday gift to myself. We'll again, my sister is canceling because she has to work!!! (Hello!! she's known about this for over a month when I made the appointment and remember, she makes her own schedule!!!)

In my mind I keep saying I really want my cousin to be my MOH. She goes out of the way for me and we talk all the time. But the problem is how do I go about bringing this up to my sister?

I would still want my sister in my bridal party but I don't want to push her even further away from me than what she has done all ready. I can't talk to my mom b/c she has a big mouth and will say something to my sister and then my sister will try to change b/c she'd be warned. If she's my MOH I want her to act like one w/out having to be told so.

Any ideas on how I can break this to my sister with out starting a huge fight? Is what I want to do wrong? I don't think it is, but sometimes my ideas don't sit well with others.

Thanks guys!

JMO....

i would start by asking your sis if she even wants to be MOH, because she hasnt been acting that way. maybe she is confused and thinks you dont want her, since you never officially asked her.

if you dont want to go that route -- you can always have 2 MOHs.

also, remember, just because its your bday this weekend you DONT need to decide this this weekend too!! sure it would be convenient...but its not necessary. if your sister does sound interested, give her a week or two to prove herself. if she is interested, but she is not a good MOH, then i would have 2.

if she is not interested, well, then, that is the easy answer!

I don't think it is wrong at all. I would discuss it with her first and explain how you are feeling and what you are thinking. See how she reacts then if she takes it real bad, if anything have both of them as MOH's. There's nothing wrong with having 2 even without saying anything, maybe think of that?

HTH!

I'll definately discuss it with her..I just don't know what I should say....

I do, however, feel like I have all ready given her plenty of chances...

I never thought of it as she's confused b/c I haven't officially asked, but she knows I didn't officially ask anyone. My cousin wasn't asked or even talked to abt it and she still manages to go out of the way for me. Not just for wedding things either.

As for the 2 MOH things, I don't know... would we also technically need 2 Best men to make it even? How would they walk down the aisle?

Also, is it fair to someone who really wants to help me to have a 2nd MOH next to her that was just assumed into the position?

Maybe you're right.. Talking/typing it out and re reading it myself does make it seem like I've all ready made my decision with out me realizing it.

I think I'll wait until Saturday to see if her schedule 'changes' or if she even shows to my party before making the final decision. (I won't announce it there, I'll just decide in my head). This is something that once I do, I can't take back. I just really hope that no matter what I don't push her further out of my life than what I feel she has all ready started to do on her own.

eta: I still am up for any options/ ideas on what to say to her...

I think I would tell your sister that she has not been acting very MOH ish, and ask her if she wants to be. She may not even want to be MOH, or she may think that YOU don't want her to be. Also, I'd point what a big deal this is for you. I know that you've already given her plenty of chances, but remember that that's YOUR opinion of important days/things. While I as a bride agree with you that they were all important moments ( ), maybe she doesn't realize what a big deal those things are?

Just a suggestion. This is a yucky situation, and I'm sorry you've found yourself in it!

WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

You have a year and a half until your wedding!!!! I would definitely wait and feel it out and not act on impulse. We often feel like we know what we truly want and then change our minds and regret the decision we made. You need to think about how the rest of your family, including your mother, would feel about this as well. If it is going to ruin your family dynamic, then it is not worth it. I would definitely wait a while and feel it out. Do not make any rash decisions, even if you feel like you have thought about it for a while.

I'm having 2 MOH's and only 1 BM. I'm just going to have my Matron of Honor walk down with the BM and my Maid of Honor walk down with a Groomsmen, which she is fine with.

You really do sound like you want your cousin to be the MOH. Why don't you talk to your younger sister about it and get her opinion about the situtation?

I'm sorry you have to make this decision. Hope it all works out for the best.

Thanks for all the input. I will probably ask my cousin to be a MOH anyway and if I never 'demote' my sister at least I have one person I want as a MOH.

I'll just have my sister walk with the goomsman not the best man I'm sorry, I know I can be evil at points.

As for signing of the marriage certificate, even if you have 2 MOH's doesn't only one sign it?