in a pickle....

ok - so FH is a groomsman in an upcoming wedding in which we are good friends w/ both the bride and groom. we are with them every weekend and i consider them to be close friends. well - i got one of the biggest disapointments last night when we recieved an invite to the RD - but it was only to FH!! when we asked about it they said sorry - they are keeping it small and played it down like - its only dinner - its on a wednesday - blah blah - and its only for the bridal party. i felt like someone punched me in the gut. it made me feel insignificant - and it suxed.

now - i cannot change their decision - but i am most hurt that FH still plans on going!! i may be a little out of my bird on this - but i cannot believe that he plans on going w/o me - especially because i did not take it well. i told him i would like it if he just went to the rehersal and skipped dinner. am i wrong?? am i putting him in a bad spot?? i am an extreme person of principal and to me - if i got invited to something that required an invite w/o him i would not go.

what do you think?? am i being a nuts - or is this a case of something where you should stand by your significant other??

I don't think it would bother me. After planning my wedding and realizing how much everything costs, I can understand if they want to keep the RD small and try to save some money.

As for your FH, he can't really just skip the rehearsal dinner. He is a GM. Skipping the dinner would just cause strife. Don't hold it against him. Then he will just feel torn between you and his friend - you don't want that to happen.

I'd feel the same way as you. Absolutely.

I personally would never have a RD and exclude significant others or spouses that were not in the BP. I'd either do it right or not do it at all. That being said, maybe this couple's budget didn't afford them the option of including everyone, yet they still wanted to have a RD for the BP.

If I were in your situation, I'd tell him to go, but bow out as early as possible. I'd be VERY upset about it, but I don't think I'd tell him not to go.

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Posted by BRod-Cheng

I don't think it would bother me. After planning my wedding and realizing how much everything costs, I can understand if they want to keep the RD small and try to save some money.

As for your FH, he can't really just skip the rehearsal dinner. He is a GM. Skipping the dinner would just cause strife. Don't hold it against him. Then he will just feel torn between you and his friend - you don't want that to happen.

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I agree. I know it stinks, and I can definitely see your point, however, he is a GM, and I would be upset as a bride if people in the bridal party skipped the dinner...feel better :)

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Posted by shellibean

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Posted by BRod-Cheng

I don't think it would bother me. After planning my wedding and realizing how much everything costs, I can understand if they want to keep the RD small and try to save some money.

As for your FH, he can't really just skip the rehearsal dinner. He is a GM. Skipping the dinner would just cause strife. Don't hold it against him. Then he will just feel torn between you and his friend - you don't want that to happen.

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I agree. I know it stinks, and I can definitely see your point, however, he is a GM, and I would be upset as a bride if people in the bridal party skipped the dinner...feel better :)

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I agree also. We are also just inviting the bridal party w/o their significant others (whom we happen to be very close with as well) purely for financial reasons. We would love to have everyone there, but we just can't stretch our budget that far but that in no way means that we don't love them and we feel extremely bad! On that note, I would be extremely upset if one of the GM skipped the dinner for that reason, our intentions were good, but our wallets were a little on the light side after all the other wedding expenses!!! Honestly, I don't think it was a slight towards you and I hope it doesn't come in the way of what seems to be a wonderful friendship. Good luck!

I honestly don't know how I would feel, but I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that my FH would NOT go to the dinner if I wasn't invited. He absolutely doesn't think it is right to invite one half a married couple to go anywhere for any reason.

His beliefs are the reason we are having kids at the wedding - he doesn't think its right to invite the parents without the kids. On this front we disagree, but as to the RD I'm really not sure. Our budget is extremely limited and we are paying for the RD ourselves (on top of the entire wedding), but it never occured to me to save money by excluding the spouses of the BP.

it's funny you should bring that topic up. FH and i were out to dinner w/my best friend and her FH tonight. she is getting married next february. well, one of her bridesmaids got married about a year ago, and my friend, michele was in her wedding as well.
this girl did not invite michele's FH to the rehearsal dinner... and michele then asked her if it would be okay if she brought him - and they said no!
now michele's FH said he would understand a little more if they were on a tight budget and paying for it themselves or whatever but this couple had their rehearsal dinner as a bbq in their parents backyard! there was no reason michele couldn't bring her FH.
so because of this, michele's FH doesn't want to invite this girl's hubby to the rehearsal dinner - but michele feels bad, so she will.
my FH said that they shouldn't invite the hubby... and he also said that if he were ever invited to something like that and the invite was not extended to me as well, he wouldn't go
i tend to agree. it's the principal of the thing. if someone has a true 'significant' other, then the invite should be extended to both of them. it's distasteful not to, and beyond a slap in the face or insulting.

i would be mad too -

if we have no $$ for a RD when its our time, it will be in our backyard so everyone can come.

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Posted by mtdr1106

ok - so FH is a groomsman in an upcoming wedding in which we are good friends w/ both the bride and groom. we are with them every weekend and i consider them to be close friends. well - i got one of the biggest disapointments last night when we recieved an invite to the RD - but it was only to FH!! when we asked about it they said sorry - they are keeping it small and played it down like - its only dinner - its on a wednesday - blah blah - and its only for the bridal party. i felt like someone punched me in the gut. it made me feel insignificant - and it suxed.

now - i cannot change their decision - but i am most hurt that FH still plans on going!! i may be a little out of my bird on this - but i cannot believe that he plans on going w/o me - especially because i did not take it well. i told him i would like it if he just went to the rehersal and skipped dinner. am i wrong?? am i putting him in a bad spot?? i am an extreme person of principal and to me - if i got invited to something that required an invite w/o him i would not go.

what do you think?? am i being a nuts - or is this a case of something where you should stand by your significant other??

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You are 500% right.
call me
lol

Hmm...Mike was in a few bridal parties and I was invited to the rehearsal dinner most of the times. There were a few times when I wasnt invited though, and honestly it didnt bother me. It was just something that the bride and groom decided to do (prob out of budget constraints) and I knew that it wasnt personal and not directed to hurt me. I cant tell you how to feel because you're obviously hurt but seriously try not to take it personal Trish...Im sure you'll remember this for the future...

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Posted by BRod-Cheng

I don't think it would bother me. After planning my wedding and realizing how much everything costs, I can understand if they want to keep the RD small and try to save some money.

As for your FH, he can't really just skip the rehearsal dinner. He is a GM. Skipping the dinner would just cause strife. Don't hold it against him. Then he will just feel torn between you and his friend - you don't want that to happen.

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I agree too for the same reasons. I know it *****, but we all know the stress of planning a wedding and keeping costs down.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous that you weren't invited, but...

I don't think you should tell/ask your FH not to go. Just take the high road on this one. If you ask your FH (who needs to be there because he's in the BP) not to go, you'd just be sinking to their level.

I don't really see any excuse for not inviting significant others, but it would be wrong for your FH to not fulfill his 'groomsman duties' because of it...

I would definitely be upset and hurt. It's not like you just started dating and don't know this other couple. You are getting married and I think it's disprespectful toward you for the other couple to not realize you and FH are a package deal. I really don't think he should go.

I think that is incredibly rude. I would feel very hurt and upset. The two of you have not just started dating and are engaged; you should be invited with FH everywhere, never excluded. And I understand people may ony invite the wedding party and not significant others for $$$$ reasons, but IMO then they need to plan the RD accordingly and maybe do something at a house than or a less expensive restaurant.

This said, I still dont think you should tell FH not to go. He needs to fulfill his obligations as groomsmen.