In laws question about gift giving.

My FMIL used all of HER money to pay for most of the wedding. When she asked her husband for some money he even said 'no, I am not going pennyless over this wedding'. I think that's kind of messed up considering it's his only childs wedding. I am not going to tell ppl how to spend their money, but I just thought it was a little mean.

So , when I give gifts should I get him something equally as nice as what I get for her? OR should I just get him a gift card or something. Or should I not get him anything at all?? (that would probably be mean, but he hasn't put a dime or an ounce of effort into this whole entire wedding).

Also, if anyone can suggest some gift ideas that they gave their FMIL I would appreciate it.

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Posted by Espo22

Maybe you can give her something a bit more but i would still get him a nice gift. Are they married, bc then in a way it is their money. And honestly the fact that his parents are paying for most of his wedding, i would be thankful period. Alot of couples have to pay for their whole wedding or most of it, i know it would've been great if we had most of our wedding paid for by someone else, well maybe not i was controlling with the wedding lol. I dont think parents are obligated to pay for a wedding, if they are able to do so then great but otherwise it is expensive. And just bc they are parents doesnt mean they have all this money saved up or have alot to give. Like everybody else they have mortgage/rent and many other bills and trying to get by. I honestly don't think he meant it in a bad way, theres nothing wrong with him saying that he cant go broke now for a wedding. I dont think anybody should go broke to pay for a wedding. For him to say that shows that maybe they dont have alot extra to give and for them to be put in a bad financial situation for a wedding would be bad.

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very well said....written

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Posted by Espo22

Maybe you can give her something a bit more but i would still get him a nice gift. Are they married, bc then in a way it is their money. And honestly the fact that his parents are paying for most of his wedding, i would be thankful period. Alot of couples have to pay for their whole wedding or most of it, i know it would've been great if we had most of our wedding paid for by someone else, well maybe not i was controlling with the wedding lol. I dont think parents are obligated to pay for a wedding, if they are able to do so then great but otherwise it is expensive. And just bc they are parents doesnt mean they have all this money saved up or have alot to give. Like everybody else they have mortgage/rent and many other bills and trying to get by. I honestly don't think he meant it in a bad way, theres nothing wrong with him saying that he cant go broke now for a wedding. I dont think anybody should go broke to pay for a wedding. For him to say that shows that maybe they dont have alot extra to give and for them to be put in a bad financial situation for a wedding would be bad.

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They are married, and it's not their money. They don't do it like most couples, that is one thing that I don't like about it. He always says 'give me MY money' and stuff like that to her. And she has to pay him back for gas , even though she doesn't drive. But that is besides the point.

I agree with what your are saying, I just figured that when she agreed to pay for some things, everyone was on board, so it just thought it was mean. I dunno, I guess I just felt like he didn't care about his sons wedding b/c he hasn't done anything since we got engaged. Just my thoughts on it. :)

I think I will get him a GC or something from Things Remembered.

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Posted by Espo22

Maybe you can give her something a bit more but i would still get him a nice gift. Are they married, bc then in a way it is their money. And honestly the fact that his parents are paying for most of his wedding, i would be thankful period. Alot of couples have to pay for their whole wedding or most of it, i know it would've been great if we had most of our wedding paid for by someone else, well maybe not i was controlling with the wedding lol. I dont think parents are obligated to pay for a wedding, if they are able to do so then great but otherwise it is expensive. And just bc they are parents doesnt mean they have all this money saved up or have alot to give. Like everybody else they have mortgage/rent and many other bills and trying to get by. I honestly don't think he meant it in a bad way, theres nothing wrong with him saying that he cant go broke now for a wedding. I dont think anybody should go broke to pay for a wedding. For him to say that shows that maybe they dont have alot extra to give and for them to be put in a bad financial situation for a wedding would be bad.

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I completely agree with Denise. My mom was only able to give us a certain amount of money and my dad protested. They shouldn't have to be tight just to splurge for a wedding. I wanted my wedding big and so we are kinda still paying for it....lol. It is great that your mother in law is helping you, not everyone is so lucky. For all you know that money was money given by your mother and father in law, just that he can't give no more and he has to be stern because us women sometimes go up and beyond for our own wedding, I could not imagine for a daughters or sons wedding. I think you should get him what comes from the heart based on your relationship, not based on his words.

It's nice if parents could help but should not be expected of them because then there is disappointment.
If they are married & split there money..then I would just get him something smaller. Was any of the money given already from him?

I would give a more sentimental gift to your FMIL and something not as personal to your FFIL...she sounds as if she went out of her way for her son and for you