My FMIL has asked as to invite FH's cousin's boyfriend (who she met 3 months ago) and if it was an issue she would pay for his plate.
This is the 3rd or 4th person that they have added to the guest list within the last week. Invites went out August 31st and RSVPs due Oct 1st.
6 out of about 65 people have responded from his family's side.
His FMIL left us a message saying that regardless if we invite the boyfriend or not (keep in mind they just wrote in extra guests on the rsvp) he is coming to the wedding ANYWAY. She then proceeded to add that she has DISINVITED one of his cousins (who also wanted to bring her boyfriend) without telling us....
We sent out STDs about 9 months ago to the families. We showed his parents a preliminary guest list and had them approve a final guest list. No one asked EVER if it was okay to bring extra guests. We explained that the room maxes out at 130 people and we invited 160. They have added a total of about 10 people (a full table) since the guest list was 'finalized'.
Then they keep saying 'well if aunt jojo and uncle tony dont come, that gives us 2 free seats to have your cousins bring their boyfriends or girlfriends' and using this example.
This is like 1 of a million issues with the in-laws (including my ffil saying that he wont fly out till the afternoon before the wedding despite needing to get his tux and do the rehearsal b/c my FH's younger brother's girlfriend doesn't want to miss an extra day of class to leave on Thursday night...)
Am I overreacting? This is making me effing nauseous.....
npwedding
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this!!! They are not acting reasonably at all. I think you should calmly tell them that the last minute 'revisions' to what was already finalized are stressing you out and that you are not going to worry about it any further. The final list is the final list. FM me if you want to rant, I totally understand!
bluegreen08
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
Maybe they dont realize that you were counting on people RSVPing 'No' and that you invited more people that can fit in the room!
That ***** that so many of their invites have not responded yet. It might be worth telling them that you can't make decisions to add more guests until you have all of the responses, so you can get an accurate count. I'd tell them that if they can get *all* of their guests to RSVP by a certain point, then you can evaluate if there is enough room for additions but it has to be SOON. Chances are they won't be able to make that happen, but worst case it will give them an incentive to hurry up their RSVPs.
Yofei18
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
whose paying for this wedding. .you are or are the parents? b/c the way i see it, if you and FH are paying.. how are the GF and BF in the BUDGET? Aren't family and close friends first?
PegaLega
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
If you and FH are paying for it I would tell them absolutely postively NOT until you have a count of the guests that were ACTUALLY invited, then you will consider adding the 'extre' guests but not a second sooner. If you are willing to add them if you number count is down then so be it-if not tell them you are maxed. If they still insist there isnt very much that you can do, they will show up with their uninvited guest regardless
lonal
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
You are definitly not overreacting!!! That is crazy. My FMIL did something similart and that was only for the e-party. I can't imagine how I would react if it was the wedding. It's very inconsiderate! How is FH reacting?
ratherbealeper
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
thanks for the different ideas on how to handle this. It has been slightly worked out, i.e. if the invite wasnt sent to you or didnt have your name on it, duh you arent invited.
My mom said she is more than likely going to have to call everyone since there is 1 week left on the rsvp, and she will let them know who was invited and find out if they are coming. If someone's decision is contingent upon whether or not an uninvited guest can attend, too bad.
i basically have washed my hands of this as my parents are hosting it and changing the guest list at the 11th hour is not an option.
ugh, lets just hope they dont start doing other crazy crap
empressdani
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
funny how they are worrying about the girlfriends and boyfriends of family members and appear to be fine with driving their future DIL insane! How is a 3month long bf more important than your wishes? Sorry i'm getting livid for you...maybe b/c i'm scared i'll be singing this tune in a few months
kellyannebrennan
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
Def. not over-reacting. Seriously put your foot down before they end up ruining your day. Make a set cut off and stick to it. For example, say if you are engaged you can bring your significant other ... or .... if you have been dating the person for a year than you can bring the boyfriend. It's not like his family is paying for the wedding. I can't stand that 'I'll pay for them' line. As if you're going to sit there and calculate how much his parents owe you for those people!! Make FH talk to his parents.
LeeLee111
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
That's horrible I'm sorry. Let your FH deal with his family. He should set them straight, this isnt fair to either one of you but maybe you would be more open to it if they werent so darn pushy.
DanNette
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
You're not overreacting. Are RSVP's going to their house or to you? It is very frustrating! I'm so sorry!
ratherbealeper
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Re: !!!in-laws rant and issue please help!!
you guys really do rock.... The RSVPs are going to my parents' house and I have resolved to not say anything else as my FH has been running interference.
thank you all sooooo much for making me feel like i am NOT a raging lunatic !
