inlaws

inlaws

inlaws

I am with you. I don't think that children belong at certain events. It takes away from the get-together when you have babies crying and children running all over the place. Your mom should not have to contend with this.

My future MIL has not contributed anything to our wedding (including conversation). She very rarely brings it up or asks about the plans. It bothered me at first but I am over it.

Try not to let it bother you. It stinks that your mom is having these problems now but try not to let it spoil these occasions. This is a special time in your life and you should be enjoying every minute of it.
Good Luck!

inlaws

My shower was a nightmare for the same reasons also, my FMIL did not AT ALL offer to help and my FSIL brought her VERY il mannered 9 year old who DESTROYED my mothers house , from stomping on ALL the landscaping (that my parents pay ALOT of money for) to breakin the lawchairs to craking my fathes VERY expensive cooler that he loved.. then my FSIL began to breast feed RIGHT in the middle of the party.. my horrible FMIL didnt offer to help my mom the whole day and some people even heard her sayin how tacky it was that my mother didnt have it catered, (my mom is a cook and loves to do it herself)And now because of this my father (who is a strict italian and sticks by his word) vows NEVER to have these people in his house again.. talk about starting out on the wrong foot!!

aug9bride

Your situation sounds so similar to mine. Thank you for sharing and letting me know that I am not alone

bride02

bride02

Thanks Toby.. But no matter what happens youll have a good day.. i tried to not let it bother me that day and i was happy to spend time with everyone else.. Youll have a GREAT day im sure!!

Don't let her upset you too much

You have to enjoy your day with or without this women's support. It is sad to think that she is going to miss out on a relationship with her daughter in law.
And a baby does not belong at every event, especially a nice bridal shower. Let them be upset. The people who love you will be there and support you.

this post hits home!

Toby, when I read the first three sentences of your first post I was laughing because I am in the same situation. I called my mom and read it to her.

FMIL was too bossy in the beginning of our planning so I made my fiance rectify the situation. She had me so stressed and even crying. She actually got better. I can see she bites her tongue.

Now that we (well my mom and bridesmaids) are planning the shower she is back again. She is inviting everyone to the shower. People I have never met, every old widow in the neighborhood, her friend's daughters, etc. I am embarrassed because I feel like I am asking total stangers for gifts. Not to mention my mom is paying for the shower and we are not rich people. The FSIL is just as bad if not worse. Pretends she is so happy but you can tell she is really just jealous. She said she needed to have a bridesmaid dress that everyone would see and say WOW....look at me. She said she has to look that good b/c it is her brother's wedding. If she wasn't in the bridal party I swear she would show up in white bridal gown.

Part of it is they have too much free time on their hands and they do not realize me and my mom and my fiance have real jobs and our lives are not just all about this wedding. FMIL is very excited about this wedding and doesn't realize how overbearing she is. But it is causing great stress.

In any case, I am just venting. I can go on for days....if it makes you feel any better I can sympathize with you. hang in there and laugh as much as possible. I know it is hard! It is your day and I am sure it will be wonderful.

bridetobe

I know how you feel. I felt like reading the other posts to my mom. It is hard to believe how some people can be, but I am going to take your advice and try to laugh a little about it all. Thanks and good luck to you!

FSIL

my FMIL is great, she is from Montreal and doesn't have a clue as to how involved a wedding here is, of course she is not helping pay for the shower, but she cannot afford it. My FSIL, you would have thought she just got a whiff of dog poo when I showed her the bridesmaid dress, she made some sort of grunt and didn't say anything. I wanted to rip her head off!! Glad to see we all have these problems (and not just me!)

Toby

Good Luck. Everything will be fine.

A different spin...

I have to say I am extremely lucky when it comes to my FMIL - she is a WONDERFUL woman who has spoiled me with love, affection, gifts, etc. since the day Chris brought me home to meet her. She is not overbearing at all - and only offers help at appropriate times...I am really blessed. Her whole side of the family has been this way...and I thank my lucky stars for that. My FMIL and FFIL are divorced...

As for my FFIL - ha! That's a different story...he has ignored my existence since the day Chris and I met. We live together, and when he calls OUR home, he does not even say HELLO to me, just says 'Is Chris home' and that's it. When we go out to eat with him, he barely says two words to me - and if we bump into people he knows, he introduces Chris, and basically I'm invisible. The last time he did it, I just stuck my hand out and said in the most aggrevated of voices 'And I'm the fiance'...It is very frustrating and hurtful, and whenever we have to go over his house, I look at the time so I know when I can leave. Being there is as boring as watching paint dry! I can go on for hours about this, so I'll end it here.

So although our situations are different, I can understand where you are coming from. The most upsetting part is I don't know if this will ever change, and although I'm marrying Chris, I'm also marrying into the family, and will have to deal with this treatment, that I absolutely DON'T DESERVE!!!

I thought I was alone too!-LONG

Here is my story..
His mom said congratulations and walked away when Carl said: mom you are looking at your future daughter-in-law! I almost fell down the stairs of surprise. It may be b/c she feels that we argue too much. WELL first off our relationship is none of her business and she feels I should keep my lips shut when Carl makes comments to me. I was not raised that way and I refuse to let the man get his last word just b/c he is the man. She does that w/ her husband and I refuse to do it w/ her son. When he told her about the engagement ring, she says well why are you planning on spending so much money on a getting a ring anyway and do that (get married) you two argue too much anyway. So deep down inside can you imagine what is running through her head about our relationship!??!?
On top of the fact that her daughter is a good for nothing girl who has a child by we have no idea who and isn't married and is the biggest (don't mind my words here) but the ghettoist girl or want to be mother or claims to be for that case, I have ever experienced. Carl doesn't get along with her, he actually despises her and after I have experienced her two-sided self that she is, I dislike her just as much. It is so bad I refuse and have already told my MOH she is NOT to appear at the bridal shower, NOT to appear at the bacholerette party and had it been for me and FH, she would not be at the wedding. But of course to PLEASE his family, so that we won't have to hear talk of why she isn't at the wedding, she has to be there. So her big self will be scarfing down food like there is no tomorrow paid for by US!
AGGGHHH this is what I feel like after thinking about her. I apologize for the long story. It gets better day by day!
Thanks for letting me vent.

I thought I was alone too!-LONG

It is ok to vent and I totally understand. It was getting to me that I HAD to put a post on here to vent and it made me feel better :)
Hang in there!!!

No, you are not alone.

My FMIL has made a rude or obnoxious comment about every decision I have made to date, except the centerpieces. *I* had to take her for her MOG dress at her request, then she lied to my FSIL and BM that I told her she had to wear a certain color. I told her she couldn't wear the color of the BM dresses and not white. Any other color was fine. To top it off, she kept choosing dresses that were for 20 year olds. She is 70. Try explaining to a 70 year old why a dress should not be altered to be skin tight...

She has said on numerous occaissions that the church is not 'convenient' for her, and it is not 'convenient' to have the gap inbetween the ceremony and reception. The caterer is too far...not convenient. I didn't know I was to plan my day around her convenience.

She keeps referring to herself as the mother of the BRIDE, when she is the mother of the groom. Don't ask me why. All I can guess is that the MOB gets more attention and she thrives on it.

I have taken to not discussing any details of the day with her. She had me in tears at one point, and on another occaission I was spitting nails I was so angry. I could fill a book with the stupid comments she has made since we announced our engagement.

My future SIL knows what I am going through, and she feels for me. My sister has the most wonderful MIL, even *I* love her MIL, so she can't relate.

My father, stepmother and brother have made their share of remarks.

I have to say that this whole experience, for all the fun it has been for Richie and me, has also made me look at the people around me much differently.