interesting night (kinda long/semi vent)

just needed to share somewhere...hope you girls dont mind...

Just got an email from FH's best man's wife (theyre OOT, west coast, I havent met either) explaining theyre nervous about traveling here and what it entails- driving here, don't want to rent a car, worried bc have young baby, etc. Which, needless to say, we totally understand!!!! But goes on to explain that they need to fly into Phili (FH and I live in PA) bc its much more reasonable, that they will be coming in on the 10th so hopefully we can wait for them and have room in our car for both of them and their baby's car seat and all their bags in our car, etc., for us to pick them up at airport and have them drive out to LI with us. Essentially saying, hopefully you guys can wait til 10th for us to come in and come with you, when we were really hoping to travel to LI on 9th, just a little extra time to get last minute details tied up, since we're out of towners ourselves. At this pt, we're offering them to just take FH's car and follow us but asking if they can try to be here on 9th or if def 10th, hopefully early in the day!!

On top of it, FH's parents haven't said one word about holding the RD. Or anything at all. We weren't thinking anything big. Very casual. Maybe BBQ or just hors d'oeuvres and drinks. My mom and step dad are paying for like 90% of our wedding, but FH's parents haven't said anything. I'm like trying to figure out a way for FH to talk to his parents tactfully and let them know this is traditionally FH's side's responsibility (am i wrong about that??), bc I realistically can't expect my mom and step dad to pay for RD too. We can def help all we can but it would be nice to have some help from them. Sorry if this sounds like Im asking too much but there are other circumstances making it hard for us to help the way we want to.

Also, all fam came to town yesterday/today for easter, which is great. My step sisters are here and one was acting verryyyyy suspicious when wedding topic came up. and I'm like..what??? say what you were going to say. She says...well I dont know whats a secret and whats not. Im like, well I told everyone I cant deal with surprises so dont worry bc I told mom and sisters I want to know about my shower and bach party and she got all hush hush.
...Needless to say, uh oh! I think theyre gonna go ahead and try to surprise me anyways! AH!

Bang for all three situations! I know theyre not like the biggest deal but just venting. Sorry.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

just needed to share somewhere...hope you girls dont mind...

Just got an email from FH's best man's wife (theyre OOT, west coast, I havent met either) explaining theyre nervous about traveling here and what it entails- driving here, don't want to rent a car, worried bc have young baby, etc. Which, needless to say, we totally understand!!!! But goes on to explain that they need to fly into Phili (FH and I live in PA) bc its much more reasonable, that they will be coming in on the 10th so hopefully we can wait for them and have room in our car for both of them and their baby's car seat and all their bags in our car, etc., for us to pick them up at airport and have them drive out to LI with us. Essentially saying, hopefully you guys can wait til 10th for us to come in and come with you, when we were really hoping to travel to LI on 9th, just a little extra time to get last minute details tied up, since we're out of towners ourselves. At this pt, we're offering them to just take FH's car and follow us but asking if they can try to be here on 9th or if def 10th, hopefully early in the day!!

On top of it, FH's parents haven't said one word about holding the RD. Or anything at all. We weren't thinking anything big. Very casual. Maybe BBQ or just hors d'oeuvres and drinks. My mom and step dad are paying for like 90% of our wedding, but FH's parents haven't said anything. I'm like trying to figure out a way for FH to talk to his parents tactfully and let them know this is traditionally FH's side's responsibility (am i wrong about that??), bc I realistically can't expect my mom and step dad to pay for RD too. We can def help all we can but it would be nice to have some help from them. Sorry if this sounds like Im asking too much but there are other circumstances making it hard for us to help the way we want to.

Also, all fam came to town yesterday/today for easter, which is great. My step sisters are here and one was acting verryyyyy suspicious when wedding topic came up. and I'm like..what??? say what you were going to say. She says...well I dont know whats a secret and whats not. Im like, well I told everyone I cant deal with surprises so dont worry bc I told mom and sisters I want to know about my shower and bach party and she got all hush hush.
...Needless to say, uh oh! I think theyre gonna go ahead and try to surprise me anyways! AH!

Bang for all three situations! I know theyre not like the biggest deal but just venting. Sorry.

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WOW........with the situation with your FH's best man and his family, that's a tough one. I mean, I know you and your FH would LOVE to be accomodating to them and their situation, but, so close to your wedding, you WILL have last minute things to take care of......and offering them the car was super nice of you guys, so HOPEFULLY they will take you up on your offer and be here earlier than the date they had originally planned *crossing my fingers for you!*

In regards to the rehearsal dinner.........I really think the only way to bring it up is to just, well, bring it up!!! I mean, asking about that type of thing is uncomfortable no matter how you address it, but honestly, I'm sure his parents won't mind......they probably aren't thinking about it right now......so if you guys bring it up to them, then everything should be OK. (hopeuflly).

Hmmmmm, I'm like you too......I dont' like surprises but I do.....if you know what I mean If you TRULY want to know the date, then just have a heart to heart with your mom and hopefully she will understand and let you know......

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Posted by billandme

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

just needed to share somewhere...hope you girls dont mind...

Just got an email from FH's best man's wife (theyre OOT, west coast, I havent met either) explaining theyre nervous about traveling here and what it entails- driving here, don't want to rent a car, worried bc have young baby, etc. Which, needless to say, we totally understand!!!! But goes on to explain that they need to fly into Phili (FH and I live in PA) bc its much more reasonable, that they will be coming in on the 10th so hopefully we can wait for them and have room in our car for both of them and their baby's car seat and all their bags in our car, etc., for us to pick them up at airport and have them drive out to LI with us. Essentially saying, hopefully you guys can wait til 10th for us to come in and come with you, when we were really hoping to travel to LI on 9th, just a little extra time to get last minute details tied up, since we're out of towners ourselves. At this pt, we're offering them to just take FH's car and follow us but asking if they can try to be here on 9th or if def 10th, hopefully early in the day!!

On top of it, FH's parents haven't said one word about holding the RD. Or anything at all. We weren't thinking anything big. Very casual. Maybe BBQ or just hors d'oeuvres and drinks. My mom and step dad are paying for like 90% of our wedding, but FH's parents haven't said anything. I'm like trying to figure out a way for FH to talk to his parents tactfully and let them know this is traditionally FH's side's responsibility (am i wrong about that??), bc I realistically can't expect my mom and step dad to pay for RD too. We can def help all we can but it would be nice to have some help from them. Sorry if this sounds like Im asking too much but there are other circumstances making it hard for us to help the way we want to.

Also, all fam came to town yesterday/today for easter, which is great. My step sisters are here and one was acting verryyyyy suspicious when wedding topic came up. and I'm like..what??? say what you were going to say. She says...well I dont know whats a secret and whats not. Im like, well I told everyone I cant deal with surprises so dont worry bc I told mom and sisters I want to know about my shower and bach party and she got all hush hush.
...Needless to say, uh oh! I think theyre gonna go ahead and try to surprise me anyways! AH!

Bang for all three situations! I know theyre not like the biggest deal but just venting. Sorry.

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WOW........with the situation with your FH's best man and his family, that's a tough one. I mean, I know you and your FH would LOVE to be accomodating to them and their situation, but, so close to your wedding, you WILL have last minute things to take care of......and offering them the car was super nice of you guys, so HOPEFULLY they will take you up on your offer and be here earlier than the date they had originally planned *crossing my fingers for you!*

In regards to the rehearsal dinner.........I really think the only way to bring it up is to just, well, bring it up!!! I mean, asking about that type of thing is uncomfortable no matter how you address it, but honestly, I'm sure his parents won't mind......they probably aren't thinking about it right now......so if you guys bring it up to them, then everything should be OK. (hopeuflly).

Hmmmmm, I'm like you too......I dont' like surprises but I do.....if you know what I mean If you TRULY want to know the date, then just have a heart to heart with your mom and hopefully she will understand and let you know......

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Thx so much for your input!

Im hoping, like you said, they are willing to come a day earlier. We really wont have much of a problem having them come with us then or follow us in FHs car since Ill have my car for us to do our own thing. BUT, she says 'we are really limited with days off' so who knows if theyll come earlier! I dont want to have to worry about always being available to drive ppl everywhere, so i think giving his best friend his car for a day or two, after talking w/ fh, may be best bet unfortunately. i want to make sure im accomodating but also not bending so much and end up causes last minute stress for us in the end. its hard bc its like his brother, ya know.

Part of me wonders, do his parents really not know RD is kinda their 'thing?' And honestly, I think they may be clueless, so it is a good idea for FH to just say, ya know..wanted to fill you in bc we need to make the plans. We can try to see if RH will allow us to have something casual right there afterwards (who knows about that!) or something small nearby so theyre not overwhelmed. I really hope they can help us out with this.

Its so funny, thinking about the shower...I get SO nervous picturing myself walking into surprise. I literally get anxiety just thinking about it!!! And know Id be very overwhelmed by it. And yet, part of me thinks, in the end, I might regret wanting to know everything.

Thx for listening! (reading)

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by billandme

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

just needed to share somewhere...hope you girls dont mind...

Just got an email from FH's best man's wife (theyre OOT, west coast, I havent met either) explaining theyre nervous about traveling here and what it entails- driving here, don't want to rent a car, worried bc have young baby, etc. Which, needless to say, we totally understand!!!! But goes on to explain that they need to fly into Phili (FH and I live in PA) bc its much more reasonable, that they will be coming in on the 10th so hopefully we can wait for them and have room in our car for both of them and their baby's car seat and all their bags in our car, etc., for us to pick them up at airport and have them drive out to LI with us. Essentially saying, hopefully you guys can wait til 10th for us to come in and come with you, when we were really hoping to travel to LI on 9th, just a little extra time to get last minute details tied up, since we're out of towners ourselves. At this pt, we're offering them to just take FH's car and follow us but asking if they can try to be here on 9th or if def 10th, hopefully early in the day!!

On top of it, FH's parents haven't said one word about holding the RD. Or anything at all. We weren't thinking anything big. Very casual. Maybe BBQ or just hors d'oeuvres and drinks. My mom and step dad are paying for like 90% of our wedding, but FH's parents haven't said anything. I'm like trying to figure out a way for FH to talk to his parents tactfully and let them know this is traditionally FH's side's responsibility (am i wrong about that??), bc I realistically can't expect my mom and step dad to pay for RD too. We can def help all we can but it would be nice to have some help from them. Sorry if this sounds like Im asking too much but there are other circumstances making it hard for us to help the way we want to.

Also, all fam came to town yesterday/today for easter, which is great. My step sisters are here and one was acting verryyyyy suspicious when wedding topic came up. and I'm like..what??? say what you were going to say. She says...well I dont know whats a secret and whats not. Im like, well I told everyone I cant deal with surprises so dont worry bc I told mom and sisters I want to know about my shower and bach party and she got all hush hush.
...Needless to say, uh oh! I think theyre gonna go ahead and try to surprise me anyways! AH!

Bang for all three situations! I know theyre not like the biggest deal but just venting. Sorry.

---

WOW........with the situation with your FH's best man and his family, that's a tough one. I mean, I know you and your FH would LOVE to be accomodating to them and their situation, but, so close to your wedding, you WILL have last minute things to take care of......and offering them the car was super nice of you guys, so HOPEFULLY they will take you up on your offer and be here earlier than the date they had originally planned *crossing my fingers for you!*

In regards to the rehearsal dinner.........I really think the only way to bring it up is to just, well, bring it up!!! I mean, asking about that type of thing is uncomfortable no matter how you address it, but honestly, I'm sure his parents won't mind......they probably aren't thinking about it right now......so if you guys bring it up to them, then everything should be OK. (hopeuflly).

Hmmmmm, I'm like you too......I dont' like surprises but I do.....if you know what I mean If you TRULY want to know the date, then just have a heart to heart with your mom and hopefully she will understand and let you know......

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Thx so much for your input!

Im hoping, like you said, they are willing to come a day earlier. We really wont have much of a problem having them come with us then or follow us in FHs car since Ill have my car for us to do our own thing. BUT, she says 'we are really limited with days off' so who knows if theyll come earlier! I dont want to have to worry about always being available to drive ppl everywhere, so i think giving his best friend his car for a day or two, after talking w/ fh, may be best bet unfortunately. i want to make sure im accomodating but also not bending so much and end up causes last minute stress for us in the end. its hard bc its like his brother, ya know.

Part of me wonders, do his parents really not know RD is kinda their 'thing?' And honestly, I think they may be clueless, so it is a good idea for FH to just say, ya know..wanted to fill you in bc we need to make the plans. We can try to see if RH will allow us to have something casual right there afterwards (who knows about that!) or something small nearby so theyre not overwhelmed. I really hope they can help us out with this.

Its so funny, thinking about the shower...I get SO nervous picturing myself walking into surprise. I literally get anxiety just thinking about it!!! And know Id be very overwhelmed by it. And yet, part of me thinks, in the end, I might regret wanting to know everything.

Thx for listening! (reading)

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That's what we're here for.....long or short.....funny or sad......I enjoy reading all of the post that I can and giving my opinion if asked or just to help out

Oh by the way......you're getting married on my BIRTHDAY!!! What a great day!!!!!

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Posted by billandme

That's what we're here for.....long or short.....funny or sad......I enjoy reading all of the post that I can and giving my opinion if asked or just to help out

Oh by the way......you're getting married on my BIRTHDAY!!! What a great day!!!!!

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thx!

8/12 is a special special day

Hey there Date Twin!! We definitely have some similar issues (must come with the date!!). My FFIL says he's giving us a certain amount towards the OOT dinner, and the rest is us...my parents have been throwing money whenever they can (we asked both for nothing, really) and my parents are resentful, blah, blah blah...I told FH we should have eloped!! HAHA...as for your friends, you have to think about what you need to do before the wedding, as organized as you are, and try to accomodate them within your means, if that makes sense..as for surprises--it's inevitable...there's something everyone loves about that one...just ENJOY!! And..BillandMe...Happy Bday that day!!!

Just hang in there, all will work out, what nerve the Best man and his wife have, I would offer my car to them, as you did and tell them to meet you in Long Island whenever they get there. Go about your plans and continue to go to LI on the 9th, just leave the keys for them with good directions and a phone #. They are adults and will figure it out....I mean its your wedding, what is wrong this these people.........Sorry you have to deal with this situation......

As for the RD, NO I think you are totally wrong, its the old days where brides parents pay for the wedding, grooms parents pay for the RD....Those days are so long and far away and yes, you are wrong at assuming they would give it to you.....I dont mean to offend you, just trying to help you. I would just start planning my RD, make it fun, a BBQ like you said where everyone gets to relax and enjoy and maybe even get to meet new family members from the other side if they havent met already. Just run with it and do a simple basic invite...If you need help with ideas let me know I will be happy to lend my hand....SMILE all with be wonderfullllllll. I know every family is different these days, as are customs in each family, we were all raised differently and some people dont even have there parents with us today to share in the joy of the wedding, by the way, some parents just dont have a clue about what to do for a wedding, trust be, I can attest to that.....

As for you other situation, it will be fine......Dont stress......
Happy Planning to You and your FH....

it's so tough trying to be nice but you have to put yourself in front of other people (it is YOUR wedding) and analyze how it would affect your plans. try to work with them and let them know that you need time to be there before hand and that the 10th, even though it's one day, is cutting it too close. how funny is it that some girls get mad when they don't get surprised and you're getting mad because you ARE gonna be surprised! dont' worry I'm sure someone will spill the beans...it always happens that way!

Personally, I think it's a little inconsiderate for your best man and his wife to expect you and FH to cart them and their baby from Philly to LI right before your wedding! I think maybe explain to them that you need to be on LI on the 9th (do you have final appointments with the RH, florist, etc? That could help your argument) and unfortunately wouldn't be able to give them a ride if they come on the 10th. Then suggest that if they come in early, they can borrow FHs car, b/c you'll have so much wedding-related stuff, luggage, etc, that it'd be too tight to get everyone in one car. And if they can't change their flight, maybe you could leave a car at the airport for them so they don't have to rent one, and put really detailed instructions for how to get to LI. I'd hope they'd understand.

Editted b/c I forgot to comment on the RD!
I agree with Kristy--you have to just bring it up! Perhaps FH could approach his parents about it if you're not comfortable doing so. Having the guy's family sponsor the RD isn't a big thing to ask, especially since you don't want anything elaborate and your parents are fronting a lot of the wedding funds. I hope it'll work out!

And I'm sure someone will slip on your shower/party plans!!

I think you're handling the BM situation very well.....offering them to take FH's car is very generous of you and at the same time will give you guys a little more peace while driving to LI. I think that you should stick to leaving on the 9th, if they can't make it out here, then why don't you offer to give them a key to your place (if you trust them that much) and then get them really good directions to drive to LI using FH's car. I don't think that's being unreasonable, you are already offering the use of your car....good luck with this situation!!

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Posted by KRISTYRUSSELL

As for the RD, NO I think you are totally wrong, its the old days where brides parents pay for the wedding, grooms parents pay for the RD....Those days are so long and far away and yes, you are wrong at assuming they would give it to you.....I dont mean to offend you, just trying to help you. I would just start planning my RD, make it fun, a BBQ like you said where everyone gets to relax and enjoy and maybe even get to meet new family members from the other side if they havent met already. Just run with it and do a simple basic invite...If you need help with ideas let me know I will be happy to lend my hand....SMILE all with be wonderfullllllll. I know every family is different these days, as are customs in each family, we were all raised differently and some people dont even have there parents with us today to share in the joy of the wedding, by the way, some parents just dont have a clue about what to do for a wedding, trust be, I can attest to that.....

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oh, no worries, im not offended at all.i posted for input!

i think it was less about the 'it being standard/traditional part' and more about it being nice forrthem to offer a little bit of help somewhere w/ the wedding. (tho my fam is more traditional and goes by that. FHs fam isnt and thats fine). My parents are kind of alone in this boat. I think it's okay to ask for their help on this one, if they can and want to. thx for ur input tho.

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Posted by bonitachyc
how funny is it that some girls get mad when they don't get surprised and you're getting mad because you ARE gonna be surprised! dont' worry I'm sure someone will spill the beans...it always happens that way!

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i know! haha

Well step sis with that akwardness is kinda spilling the beans I guess!

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Posted by Becks526

And if they can't change their flight, maybe you could leave a car at the airport for them so they don't have to rent one, and put really detailed instructions for how to get to LI. I'd hope they'd understand.

Editted b/c I forgot to comment on the RD!
I agree with Kristy--you have to just bring it up! Perhaps FH could approach his parents about it if you're not comfortable doing so. Having the guy's family sponsor the RD isn't a big thing to ask, especially since you don't want anything elaborate and your parents are fronting a lot of the wedding funds. I hope it'll work out!

And I'm sure someone will slip on your shower/party plans!!

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This may be a really good idea w/ leaving the car at airport for them, FH and I thought about it but think theyd freak out never being here before, and about driving alone from phili to li. still considering it.

just wanted to say thx for all of the input girls!!!

First, I would leave FH's car at the airport for the BM and family and FedEx them a spare key ahead of time. That way you can leave when you want. Waiting is going to just make you anxious and annoyed.

As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, I agree with BillandMe. You gotta tell FH to call his parents and ask if they have gotten a move on. You should stay out of it. And you're not wrong, they should pay for it and that's that (unless of course they're unable to afford it, then that's a different story). They may just not know that it's their responsibility. My FMIL claimed ignorance to shower etiquette and didn't invite even ONE of her guest list to it (even though there were 20+ local folks and we're only having this big wedding because she wanted her friends to be there - I wanted a small destination wedding but WHATEVER)

and last, the secrets!! You're going to have to roll with the punches on that one. Unless you can squeeze it out of them!

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Posted by AlliCatB

First, I would leave FH's car at the airport for the BM and family and FedEx them a spare key ahead of time. That way you can leave when you want. Waiting is going to just make you anxious and annoyed.

As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, I agree with BillandMe. You gotta tell FH to call his parents and ask if they have gotten a move on. You should stay out of it. And you're not wrong, they should pay for it and that's that (unless of course they're unable to afford it, then that's a different story). They may just not know that it's their responsibility. My FMIL claimed ignorance to shower etiquette and didn't invite even ONE of her guest list to it (even though there were 20+ local folks and we're only having this big wedding because she wanted her friends to be there - I wanted a small destination wedding but WHATEVER)

and last, the secrets!! You're going to have to roll with the punches on that one. Unless you can squeeze it out of them!

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still considering first option unless they come in on 9th, then they can follow us in FHs car.

thats exactly how i feel about the RD sitch. I wouldnt get involved but FH says he doesnt mind just mentioning it, bc honestly i know them, theyre not traditional, their other kids didnt have RDs and we both think they dont know about it at all. theyre OOT as well and have been on the road since nov, so theyre kinda out of the loop!

i guess if they really wanna surprise the girl who doesnt want the ssurprise, ill give them the option! but iknow ill be all nervous anticipating. haha

I wish you all the luck in the world.......it will work out dont worry girlfriend

1. Best Man and Fam: I would say sorry cant do it and maybe they can fly into NY and take a taxi to a hotel. How much can you possibly put on your shoulders two days before your wedding?

2. RD: Maybe you can ask FH what the deal is with the RD. Tell him you wanna make sure everything is set up and let him know that its a norm for the grooms side to pay - then HE can talk to your inlaws.

3. Surprise: heehee all you can do is enjoy it!