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Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

nsgraham Posted:

Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I'm starting a thread for those of us who are getting married to someone from a different race/cultural background. Let's share stories, give support, tell how we're incorporating both cultures into our weddings, etc.

My story:

We're all three: interracial, intercultural and interfaith (well, not when we get married, but while we were dating). Arie is white, Jewish and American. I'm black, some sort of Christian by birth, and Jamaican.

My family didn't have a problem with Arie at all. My grandmother's grandfather was English, her husband is Greek and their daughter looks hispanic, a few of my uncles have had various children of all shades, it wasn't a big deal.

His family flipped! They said it was because of that fact that I wasn't Jewish, but who are we kidding, I never believed they would have flipped so much if I was white. However, the Jewish thing is HUGE to them, make no mistake. They keep kosher and are basically shomer shabbos (they stay at home on Shabbat - the Sabbath), and his brother is modern Orthodox. Arie went to Jewish day schools until high school, and his mom is the principal of a synagogue school. His grandmother is a holocaust survivor.

We're been going out for nine years before we got engaged. Over that period of them their have been some ups and downs, but everything is really great now. The fact that I'm converting to Judaism has something to do with that, I'm sure.

Which I am not doing for them. Really. We signed up for a class when we got engaged and I found myself really attached to the religion on it's own terms. I realized I wanted to have a relationship with something larger than me again, and Judaism is a wonderful way for me to do that. I had also decided to raise our kids as Jews, so it just made sense.

My family is fine with me converting. Of course, they are convinced it's because his mother was so crazy about it - and she was, she was kinda insane. But Arie would have stood by me with any decision I made. He didn't care if I converted, and would have stood up to this family for me in any case (and has, on many occcasions).

Anyway, it's gonna be a Jewish ceremony, with a jazz trio playing a little reggae at the ceremony and cocktail hour. The DJ is from St. Thomas. We're also gonna do the Hora.

Write back!
groovypeg Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

hi there,

my fh is jewish and i recently converted, for all of the same reasons you described. there are a few brides on here who have done the same or who are planning on converting in the future. i think it is great to have a thread like this.

if you need any help with your classes please let me know, i have tons of materials and books. i converted thru the hillel institute in commack-it took me a year, but it was so worth it ( i had alot of other commitments at the time, so i took my time with converting).

my fh's father and stepmom are 'conservadox,' although as they get older, they are becoming more observant. they keep kosher, light candles on shabbat and observe every holiday. his mom and step dad are not observant at all.

when we booked our hall i had not yet converted, so we did not even think to have a kosher affair. but now that i have converted i have such guilt over it. his dad was upset that we were not having a kosher affair. i explained to him that we already have paid $5000 towards the hall and it would be really difficult to get the money back. and when i asked my hall if they could do a kosher affair they said it would be VERY expensive. we just dont have that kind of money. so we compromised and are having a kosher style wedding and are catering glatt kosher meals for the 12 members of fh's family that keep kosher.

well, thats my story!!!

I wouldlove to hear more from all of you!
rcs Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

My FH is some sort of Christian and black.. I am a Jewish white girl.

We are very lucky to have very accepting families (immediate, I am not sure how the extended families feel).. We have been dating for 5 years before we got engaged this summer... I can honestly say that he is a part of my family and I am part of his. (it was not always easy at first but we are way past that)!!

We are both not religious at all so it really has not been as issue for us..We will probably have the justice of peace or interfaith officiant at the wedding...

My only concern is that many of my extended family has never met FH or seen any pictures. I think it is going to be a HUGE shock... Oh well, they are either going to accept it and be a part of our great day or not come...



valentinesbride Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Fh is catholic and I am jewish. We have been dating for over 12 years ....and from the very start I had explained, that if he wanted to teach our children the christian religion, he would have to do it by himself. I was brought up in a kosher home, and had a bat mitzvah ...and did the whole hebrew school thing. I am not interested in converting to his religion..I would consider myself more spiritual ...and a reformed jew. His mother has no understanding, of how strongly I feel about my religion...and will not sacrifice it . I am not even sure how things will be when we have kids...so far we are having an interfaith reverend perform the ceremony. His name is Rev Shulrman ..if you need someone, he works with his wife as well. L

nsgraham Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I think you guys should figure out how you're raising your children before you have them. It's really important that you are in agreement on this, I think. You can raise them one or the other or both, but it'll be an issue and it's better if you know the answer now. Go to www.interfaithfamily.com - it's a good site with a lot of resources.

Misstene Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Our Story:

FH is Irish and Italian. I am Puerto Rican and African American. I have always been very open minded. I always dated anyone that really moved me, regardless of race/faith etc. My only requirement was brains, looks and height! FH on the other hand, never really dated a 'brown' woman before. He typically dated within his race and the occassional hispanic. For whatever reason, when we met, he was drawn to me (and I to him of course). NEVER did he make me feel like race was an issue, although I asked a million times (I didn't want to be some wierd fantasy fulfillment or something...)

My family can care less. We're all mutts! His family is SO great to me. They have never treated me differently and quite honestly, we all really love each other. I love his sister and BIL and his brother and SIL are awesome! His mom and I have a SUPER relationship. Love her! I don't know how his extended family feels, and I really don't care.

Neither of us are religious, although he was raised Catholic. We will likely have a JOP or Nondenominational officiant marry us.

What gorgeous kids we'll make, ha?!

Anyway, that's our story. Thanks for starting this thread. It's a good one!

* Edited for spelling
valentinesbride Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Oh we have been dating for 12 years, and have discussed this many a time. I am teaching the kids about my background and he can do the same. I was speaking about his mother and how she will handle it all...because she is pushy and controlling,...but I am learning to state my views a lot more lately. I don't see anything wrong with children understanding both religions....and if they as adults want to practice just one religion, then I will support that decision. I am a teacher, and have been for 14 years, and it amazes me how little the children even know about their backrounds and religions ....and most come from 'same' faith families...

Kristinka Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

My fiancé is Jewish and I was brought up Russian Orthodox (Christian). We both come from the former USSR, but different republics, he is from Tajikistan and I am from Ukraine. We have been together little over 4 years. I recently went through a conversion process to become Jewish the Orthodox way. Though I was not very religious and fiancé’s family is observant (even brother is an Orthodox rabbi), I decided to convert to have the same religious environment for us and for our kids.

My mom is completely supportive and believes the experience of learning Judaism has brought me down to earth and can only be a positive thing. My FH's mom, and most of the family, is very very excited as well.
nsgraham Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Okay, cool. I've just seen a lot of people with no real handling of the issue on other boards, and no real understanding of their FI's religion. And I still recommend www.interfaithfamily.com, although it's mostly for people marrying Jews.

Yeah, I know how pushy FMILs can be. Mine was probably like yours in the other direction. She would have gotten over it though. Hopefully yours will too.
IreneinChicago Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I'm marrying my FH after 4 years together.
I am jewish culturally, but agnostic religiously. Being of Russian dissent thats a fairly common combination. I am very familiar with the jewish traditions having gone to Hebrew school in elementary school, but denounced the concept of religion (all) a long time ago.
My fiance is Lutheran, and all though he isn't a church goer, his family are very religious. When we were getting engaged they were upset that I wasn't Christian to begin with, and then the agnostic thing threw them for a loop. They just didn't get it.
The big issue is really the children we will have. I'm not interested in raising them jewish and husband says he wants them baptized and to be exposed to the lutheran church exprience. Well we'll see. That's something I don't feel that I will ever be a part of and ultimately not super comfortable with. But I believe that we will each make compromises for the best interests of our children.
juju Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

My Fiance and I have been dating close to 6 years now. I am from TExas Mexican Decent Catholic Girl. My FH is a reform Jewish Long Island Boy. I met my FH on the INternet. WE are the Pioneers of internet dating. When internet dating was free.

We plan on having an interfaith Ceremony. I don't mind that he is not converting nor does he mind tha t I am not converting. I would say that I am more religious than he is. He is more of a spiritual person but he observes most Jewish holidays. We plan to bring up the children Catholic but the children will be aware of his or her Jewish roots. If our child as an adult chooses to practice Judaism, I will totally supportive of his her decision. I know when the time comes to have children his family will probably be upset. When we met with the deacon, he related that when interfaith couples get married, christians become holier than the pope. (I forgot what he said about Jewish people but it was funny) But, although he was being funny...he has a point. But, I feel that as long as FH and I are on the same page, We will be okay.
HIs family is very accepting of me and my family is very accepting of him. They adore him! I think it is going to be nice that our family will be a blended family.
Misstene Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Posted by juju

My Fiance and I have been dating close to 6 years now. I am from TExas Mexican Decent Catholic Girl. My FH is a reform Jewish Long Island Boy. I met my FH on the INternet. WE are the Pioneers of internet dating. When internet dating was free.


You guys make a really cute couple!
BoogieDownBride Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I come from an interfaith union (Mom's Irish Catholic, Dad's Jewish, both not practicing) and I'm marrying an Italian Catholic. I have never really been part of a religion, and FH was raised Catholic but doesn't really practice. His family is pretty religious and traditional, and my Jewish relatives are upset that I'm not marrying someone Jewish, even though I don't really consider myself Jewish anyway...incidentally, FH's family is also convinced I'm Jewish, which is somewhat annoying, since as I said I don't really identify with my Jewish side...
Trying to decide if I'll convert once we're married, and also trying to decide if we want to raise the children as Catholic...
BTW, nsgraham, this was a great idea for a thread, I'm glad you thought of it!
NYCHICK Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I am black, FH is Italian. I am was raised in the Caribbean and in the UK. We are all three also interfaith, interracial, intercultural. I have never had issues dating people outside of my race. Everyone is GREAT about it. We are both open minded people with open minded families. I am baptist he is Catholic. We have decided on Catholicism to raise out children. I am not really a big religion person, but it is really important to him. We have been datng for four years. His mom is great, she is like a seond mom to me. Evryone is waiting for babies.lol
chmpgnrose Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I'm Chinese-American. DH is 50% Lithuanian-American (mother) and 50% Japanese-American (father). We're of four (4) cultures but above all we're both Americans! So, for us it's really an interesting mix.

We had a hard time trying to incorporate all four into our wedding day. However, we'd only incorporated 3: American style wedding, Chinese bridal jewelry, and a traditional Lithuanian wedding cake, Japanese got lost. Most of our guests were confused as hell although our ceremony programs describes the Lithuanian wedding cake. Thus, we had two wedding cakes: reception and Lithuanian. The Lithuanian one was a gift from one of DH's aunt who was generous enough to share it with our 150 guests.
steph4777 Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

I am Haitian-American and FH is African-American. While we haven't had any major issues, there are still some differences in our backgrounds.

When FH goes home with me, I have to remind family members to speak English, so he doesn't feel left out. Sometimes when we all get together and are telling stories they start speaking in Creole. I think in the beginning my dad would have preferred that I married some who was Haitian, but I think he is over that now.

Both FH and I are not active in any church right now. But we need to iron out how we will raise our kids bc he grew up United Methodist and I grew up Episcopal. I doesn't matter to me which denomination we raise our kids in as long as they have a sense of faith.
septbride Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

Steph4777 -- Oh my we have the same story.

I'm Haitian American and my husband is African American. I had the same problem w/ the language but it's definately getting better.
I don't have to remind my family to speak English anymore.

For our wedding we had a pastor ( a friend ) and a Catholic priest. We plan to raise our children as Christians.

nsgraham Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

bump

nferrandi Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

My FH and I have been together for 8.5 years, though we did the on-and-off thing for a while. My mother is Jewish, my father is Italian, but though he never went through the process, he considers himself a Jew and I was raised Jewish, though not very religious. My extended family is much more religious than we are. My FH is Italian/Catholic. Neither he or I are very religious, but his parents attend church every Sunday. His family has never had a problem with our relationship, though in a perfect world I'm sure both of our parents would have preferred us marrying in our religion.
We were thinking about having a JOP for our ceremony, but out of respect for our families, we are having both a rabbi and a Catholic priest. We're going to incorporate traditions from both ceremonies, and I'm excited that our ceremony will be a little different and unique.
As far as kids go, I don't think they're going to be evry religious either way, but they will respect both religions and spend holidays with family. My FH believes kids should have some religious schooling, but he doesn't care if it's JEwish or Catholic. It will be something we discuss further when the time comes.
juju Posted:

Re: Interracial/intercultural/interfaith thread

We all make such a nice blend. We are the melting pot of LI Weddings. Hee Hee

My FH and I have coffee favors that are personalized with our names that say 'perfect blend' I think it is perfect since we will be having a blended family.


and Misstene,Thank you!

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