in the spirit of friendliness, respect and the right thing, i nvited FMIL to go see the invitations (that have been selected but not ordered.) First she got upset because is supposedly told her we were going to go today (i don't remember saying that, but lets just say I did.) But regardless - she has not finalized her guest list and didn't understand: YOU CAN'T ORDER INVITES UNTIL YOU KNOW HOW MANY YOU NEED! She's carried on for a few days about this now. she's crazy. So I speak to her today and a few questions arise (keep in mind, wedding is being split 50/50.)
1. Where are the rsvps going (i told her my dad should get them b/c he has a house with a big mailbox vs. her tiny apt mailbox) 2. what will the return address on the invite be (i told her the same thing)
I can tell she didn't like those answers -- tell me, am I being logical or am i missing something? be honest.
we're going to have to go order the invites soon and i am foreseeing yet another fight at a vendor. i don't know how to handle this anymore. as many of you probably read, i have had a problem/fight at every single vendor.
What do I do? Are there any answers I can provide, other than what I've already said, when she asks the above questions again?
Please help. I'm tired of all this.
MJDoc12
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
there's not much you CAN do--i mean you have logic in wanting them to go to your dad's house. it's not like you can really do anything to appease her on this. the invites are gonna be printed -- and that's it!
what kind of fight do you think will happen? i mean if you've let her know ahead of time that that's what you want...do you think she'll make a scene? maybe make sure you bring your mom and/or dad with you & her to get the invites. perhaps she won't try and be dramatic with them there.
(personally i'd reconsider taking her! but that's just me. lol)
csorisi
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
The only thing that I can say and this is up to you is have the rsvps sent to you. My parents & my ILS helped us with the wedding but we put in most of th emoney because of certain things we wanted. We had the return address as our apartment & the rsvps came here. If you have that option you might want to do it that way. I can see why your MIL woudl be upset BUT at the same time she should understand the decisions you make plus I am sure that you will be keeping track of who is coming & who isn't coming & it is just more convienent for you to go to your dads then to her apartment. I am sorry I can't be more help but my MIL was very helpful during the wedding process and it made it easier that DH & I made all the decisions for our weddings then told our parents what we choose. Also your FH should be helping you out with this since it is his mother--especially with her getting her list together. You can also say that you are setting a deadline of March 15th and if she doesn't have a list then you are ordering the invites without it and if there isn't enough you can't invite certain people. I know that sounds harsh especially since she is paying for half but you have to draw the line somewhere you want to get stuff done.
donegal419
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
I might get FH involved here.... tell him to talk to his mom and get an official number from her side so you can order the invites. Also, I would reiterate your logic regardign where the invitations are sent... makes sense to me. Maybe you can add that technically it is 'tradition' for the replies to be sent to the bride's parent(s).
GOOD LUCK!
summer06bride
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
Posted by donegal419
I might get FH involved here.... tell him to talk to his mom and get an official number from her side so you can order the invites. Also, I would reiterate your logic regardign where the invitations are sent... makes sense to me. Maybe you can add that technically it is 'tradition' for the replies to be sent to the bride's parent(s).
GOOD LUCK!
I also second the tradition thing. My parents and fils are contributing to the wedding and the invitation lady told me that tradition says the rsvps should go to the bride's home and the bride's parents. I no longer involve fils in decision making. They only see final products. Gives me less grief!
BJandDan
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
I also would mention the tradition thing. Actually, I would have FH do that!!!!!
JanuaryBride06
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
Your FH can talk to her - after all she's done to you, I wouldn't even include her on anything anymore. Her son can tell her to keep quiet since she's caused enough problems.
TheBigDay
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
RSVP's should go to you or your parents.. since you are the bride and doing the planning they should go to whoever you trust most to handle them/whoever is 2nd in hand with planning which is usually the brides family... i will probably have the return address on the invites to be my parents too.. i would do my address but i do not know what my address will be at that time since we ar expecting to be moving a month or 2 before or after our wedding date...
as for the number you invite, if she keep futsing with the guest list, than it is her fault for not giving you a solid number... usually you'd order 25 or so more than you need anyway so you have some room there anyway..
Good luck..
CLMon7906
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
i think it makes perfect sense for them to go to your father's home...in a perfect world (or more commonly known as 'the old days') he would've been paying for it ALL and therefore, they would definitely be going to his house. she's being mean for no good reason. find a pillow, punch it 10 times.
then call her and say your father is placing the order on Saturday the 11th (that's a week from today[duh]) and that if she doesn't have her guest list finished, then there may not be enough invitations once they are in and that your father is tired of waiting. leave it at that...act upset and bullied by dear old dad and she'll kick it into high gear (hopefully)...
i had to spaz on FILs to get their final guest list after they asked me why i hadn't picked out/ordered invites...um, cause your family is italian/catholic and enormous...turns out i would've ordered too few! i had been asking for a guest list since last spring on a regular basis.
bride2b24
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
def a tough situation since she is contributing.......first and foremost i would like to say how sorry i am you have to deal with this....people tend to forget what the wedding is all about! it sounds like shes on a power trip! i would let FH handle this one
Emma2-22
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Re: invitatins - what to do with FMIL
Even though she might be paying for some of it that does not mean that things should be done her way. Stick with tradition and use your parents address and just tell her that's the way it supposed to be! If she doesn't like that's just tough it's your wedding even if she were paying for the whole thing!
