Invitation help (sorry this is so long)

Hey Ladies,

I've asked about this a while ago and I still don't know what to do.

Here is my problem... I don't know how to word our invitations.

My parents are paying for half of the wedding and we are paying for the other half.

I really want the invitations to say:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith would like you to join in the celebration of the marriage of their daughter

Jane Marie
to
John Jay
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Jones

(or whatever sounds nice but my parents at top)

I want it to say that because my parents offered to pay for all of it but we decided that it was too much for them. Also, they have been nothing but supportive with my relationship with my FH and now our wedding.

However, my FH for whatever reason doesn't feel completely comfortable with that. I understand because he is putting his hard earn money into this wedding too.

But I don't feel comfortable putting: together with their parents because FH's parents are not paying for the wedding, although they did say they will pay for the RD.

I saw that there were some ways to put it so it would show that my parents are paying and so are we. But I don't want to do that because I do think it will hurt FH's parents feelings and I don't want to do that at all. THat will not be an option.

My question is.... should my FH just get over it or should I and have together with their parents? I know in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal whatsoever, but we have to start making a decision.

Thanks so much for the help and sorry this is so long!!

Is the only reason your FH doesn't want your parents' names at the very top because he doesn't want people to just assume they are paying for everything?

We did 'together with their parents' and my father is paying for almost everything. My dad was very gracious about it and said it was fine with him if none of our parents' names were on the invitation. (Each of my parents are remarried so it would've looked like a laundry list of names otherwise.)

You can assure your FH that having your parents' names first does not necessarily indicate they are paying for everything. Not in this day and age.

If it's important to you for your parents' names to be at the very top to introduce you as their daughter, then you should do it that way. Try to explain to him that it's a way to indicate that they are graciously passing you to him, and on the invite the way you worded it indicates a blending of your family and his, with you and your FH in the center.

You can also show him that your wording doesn't say 'invite you to join' or 'request your presence' which might indicate they are paying -- it says 'would like you to join' which is more neutral.

You definitely want him to be happy with the wording, too, so go through some different options with him until you hit on one that you both are pleased with. Then put it down for a week and pick it back up and see if you still love it. You have the time to do that, and you'll be a lot happier in the end if you give it a week to settle and see if you still love your choice.

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Posted by springsandra

Is the only reason your FH doesn't want your parents' names at the very top because he doesn't want people to just assume they are paying for everything?

We did 'together with their parents' and my father is paying for almost everything. My dad was very gracious about it and said it was fine with him if none of our parents' names were on the invitation. (Each of my parents are remarried so it would've looked like a laundry list of names otherwise.)

You can assure your FH that having your parents' names first does not necessarily indicate they are paying for everything. Not in this day and age.

If it's important to you for your parents' names to be at the very top to introduce you as their daughter, then you should do it that way. Try to explain to him that it's a way to indicate that they are graciously passing you to him, and on the invite the way you worded it indicates a blending of your family and his, with you and your FH in the center.

You can also show him that your wording doesn't say 'invite you to join' or 'request your presence' which might indicate they are paying -- it says 'would like you to join' which is more neutral.

You definitely want him to be happy with the wording, too, so go through some different options with him until you hit on one that you both are pleased with. Then put it down for a week and pick it back up and see if you still love it. You have the time to do that, and you'll be a lot happier in the end if you give it a week to settle and see if you still love your choice.

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Thanks so much! That is really great advice. I guess he doesn't want people to think that my parents paid for everything. But I don't think people read into invitations that much. My parents won't care because they just want us to be happy so if 'together with their parents' made both of us happy they really would be okay with that. The only reason it bothers me a little is because I just feel my parents are the most supportive people and I am their only daughter and are happy doing whatever we ask. I just wanted to put their names on top. But it is something I can easily get over if we can't find a good compromise.

Thanks again!!!