Invitation Wording Dilemma

I am posting this for my MOH who called me crying today after getting off the phone with her future mother-in-law.

Apparently, her F-M-I-L said that as a matter of 'respect' she should put both sets of parents at the top of the invitation. Her F-M-I-L said she was 'offended' that her soon to be daughter in law didn't think they were putting in enough $$$ to be listed at the top of the invitation. My friend had her parents listed first and then her name, FH's name and then 'son of Mr. & Mrs. future-in-laws name'.

Other Facts: Her future in-laws are paying for the flowers, the band and the favors for their Sat night formal wedding in Sept, and they helped them out with some money towards a downpayment on their home. The Bride's parents are paying for the entire reception and everything else. The brides family is going to be spending almost triple what her in-laws gave them in total.

So: Where do you think she should put her future-in-laws names on the invite? Thanks so much for all of your help! I know you girls will know the proper etiquette!!!

We actually put both set of parents on our invite, even though neither of them are putting any $ towards the wedding.

I guess we did it out of respect.

There are times when I question this, but in the long run no one's feelings will get hurt, so we did it this way.

Tara Ann

and

Philip

along with their parents

Mr. & Mrs John Smith
and
Mr. & Mrs. Tom Jones

Peabody -- Thanks - I will suggest your wording to her.

Sometimes FH & I think our wedding would have been so great if we were paying for it all ourselves - that way you get to do everything YOUR way and don't have to answer to or please anyone but yourselves!!!!

Unfortunately, there is NO way we could have afforded to do so. I commend you for being able to do it all yourself!!!

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Posted by peabody

We actually put both set of parents on our invite, even though neither of them are putting any $ towards the wedding.

I guess we did it out of respect.

There are times when I question this, but in the long run no one's feelings will get hurt, so we did it this way.

Tara Ann

and

Philip

along with their parents

Mr. & Mrs John Smith
and
Mr. & Mrs. Tom Jones

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I would like to do it like that as well. I think that's the best solution.

if the parents are giving the wedding then their names should absolutely be at the top of the invitation. my parents gave us our wedding, so their names were at the top and DH's parents' names were under his as 'son of blah blah.'

in the case of your friend, it does seem as though her FH's parents are paying a considerable amount and should be at the top - and mostly because her FILs will be upset if not.
what's the big deal in the long run, ya know?? why caue family strife over something so silly?? (IMO)

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Posted by Miro127

if the parents are giving the wedding then their names should absolutely be at the top of the invitation. my parents gave us our wedding, so their names were at the top and DH's parents' names were under his as 'son of blah blah.'

in the case of your friend, it does seem as though her FH's parents are paying a considerable amount and should be at the top - and mostly because her FILs will be upset if not.
what's the big deal in the long run, ya know?? why caue family strife over something so silly?? (IMO)

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I agree with this. Since her FMIL is so upset, why not appease her. I don't think it should necessarily be about who gave how much money.

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Posted by ChristineC68

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Posted by Miro127

if the parents are giving the wedding then their names should absolutely be at the top of the invitation. my parents gave us our wedding, so their names were at the top and DH's parents' names were under his as 'son of blah blah.'

in the case of your friend, it does seem as though her FH's parents are paying a considerable amount and should be at the top - and mostly because her FILs will be upset if not.
what's the big deal in the long run, ya know?? why caue family strife over something so silly?? (IMO)

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I agree with this. Since her FMIL is so upset, why not appease her. I don't think it should necessarily be about who gave how much money.

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I agree too. If you don't have a strong opinion against putting their names at the top, why not just do it. It'll make things easier for YOU.

My parents are paying for most of my wedding, his parent are also contributing, but not as much. We did the 'son of blah, blah,' because they don't care either way. His parents are funny. They said, 'When it's your son that's getting married, we are just a guest to the wedding.'

Thank you so much for all of your opinions. I think she is going to end up putting her in-laws names at the top with her parents.

As Miro said, she doesn't want to cause family strife over something like this.

There was a little more to the story, such as the way FMIL went about telling my friend she was upset (through her FH!!) and other things related to the wedding that have happened that made my friend not want to give in to her request so easily.

Because I know the whole story, I suggested that she get 2 sets of invites printed... One for her in-laws guests and one for her own!! That would be terrible if they ever found out though!

I voted for at the top. Though I feel how your friend had it was just fine.... since such a stink was made and it's such a little adjustment (unless your friend and her parents feel very strongly otherwise), she might as well appease her insecure FMIL and chalk the whole senario up to just one more marital compromise.

Posted by NYPDsgirl 'I commend you for being able to do it all yourself!!! '

Thanks so much, that means alot. It's getting tough but I know we will do it. Thanks for the positive words, I needed that.