Invites and program questions - help!

Regarding invites:
If your invite doesn't have an inner envelope, and you're inviting a couple plus a child, how do you address the outer envelope? Do you put Mr. and Mrs. ______ then underneath put the child's name?

Also, if a man goes by his middle name, how do you address the invite? Ex. John James Smith goes by the name James. So do you address the invite John J. Smith, or J. James Smith???

For programs - do you list the names of the parents and grandparents? And if you do, and FH has a stepmother, do you put Father of the Groom - Mr. _______ and Stepmother _______?

I don't know if this is official, but in my family I always put Mr. M. Lastname for someone that goes my his middle name, fortunately his 1st & middle are both m's. ( Matthew Michael, goes by by Mike)If therey are differnet, say, James Michael, goes by Michael, I'd put Mr. J. Lastname, he probably gets oficial mail with his real first name ( like
from thw bank) so it should get to him & not offend him.
I think J. Micahel would also be ok.

For programs, who you put in is up to you. I usually see parents & grandparents.
Not sure about stepparents.


ETA:

I would think Mrs. & Mrs. John Doe & fmily for couple with Child, unless you are only inviting one child ( say a teen, but they also have babies) Then Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
with Teen Smith underneath.
Again, just my opinion, not sure what the official rule is.

Yeah, I thought that J. James Smith was right but I'm not positive.

And as for the stepmother, I can't list FH's dad and not his stepmother, so I just don't know how to word it.
Like, it'll say 'Parents of the Bride' .............Mr. and Mrs. X.
But then it couldn't say 'Parents of the Groom' because of the stepmother.

Is he close to her? Is she considered a parent?

Does his mother still have the same last name as the father?
If not, I'd list her first, then Mr & Mrs Dad & Stepmom. If they all have the same name, you could do it, but it might be confusing.