Brides Helping Brides ™ - Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

sandj100304 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:05 PM

Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I am so lost as to what I should do as far as inviting people from my office. It's a long story.

I used to work in the accounting dept. and was very friendly with my co-workers and boss (the Controller). Some of them even got me really nice engagement gifts. We would talk about the wedding a lot and I had mentioned once that I would probably invite them. I was also somewhat close to the CFO. Therefore, I planned on inviting the CFO, my boss and the rest of my dept. to the wedding. Easy enough. No hurt feelings, no detriment to the future if my job. No questions asked.

It's amazing how much has changed in just a few months. The CFO was fired and a new one came onboard. Then, I got promoted to become the HR Manager. There was never anyone doing HR all the time in the company (I did it as part of my accounting job since I was going to school for it). Now, I am the entire dept. Me, myself and I. I report to the new CFO, who I am not too fond of.

I also in the meantime became very friendly with the Exec Asst that the new CFO hired in.

My concerns are this. Who do I invite now? The accounting dept has changed since I left due to a new hire and some restructuring. Some of the girls there don't act the same towards me and honestly, it's nice to be away from them sometimes. I am still somewhat close to the controller (but not like I used to be obviously).

I was told when I started my new position that I am now a 'manager' and need to allow myself to step into the 'higher' level. So now I am afraid of inviting people 'below' me (I hate thinking of it in those terms) in that it may cause issues in my position and with the management of the company (we are a somewhat small company). I don't want people to think I am favoring certain people.

I thought about not inviting anyone at all. Is that wrong? Shouldn't I at least invite my boss? I don't feel comfortable just inviting him either. I don't feel close to him like that. Also, I really want to invite the Exec Asst since she has given me a lot of advice and we have gotten really friendly. But then how do I invite her and not the others? Argh. This is so hard. I hate this part of it. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.

wc0143 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:08 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

The only people I am inviting from work, are people who are my friends (people I've known since I started or have lunch with, who's weddings I was invited to, etc).

Sorry you are in such a togh situation ... no real advice, sorry!!

nsgraham Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:09 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I wouldn't invite anyone. Just say it's a space issue. That's just me.

kel2004 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:09 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

That's really tough. Now that you are a manager, it would probably be better to invite everyone or no one.

Darcy Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:10 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Does your boss have a boss? If so, since you would not feel bad about not inviting them, and they the same way, it may be the best place to first find out what is looked down upon. I know that usually when you are a manager you are not supposed to ask people out for drinks and such unless it is a whole department event. But a wedding is different. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Stacey04 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:10 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I am not inviting any co-workers or my boss, for 2 reasons.

One is I have only been working here for about a year ( by the time my invites go out)
and two is becuase if I invite the people I would want to its like 30 including their guests..to many to add to my already large guest list.

I would say for you to invite nobody and just say that you are having a small family wedding

Pookiesangel Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:11 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Well the smart thing would be not to invite anyone except your boss and his wife/date. That's the safest bet, and should cause no hard feelings.

It would be very hard to choose just a few and not include everyone, because that will def cause bad blood, and in your new position you don't need any added stress or plms you can avoid.

You can always explain that due to budget reasons you had to cut down the list, or something along those lines.

You just dont want office politics to ruin this happy time for you. (JMO) Hope it helps.

AJsMommy122 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:11 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Posted by kel2004

That's really tough. Now that you are a manager, it would probably be better to invite everyone or no one.

I agree. If anyone has anything to say just tell them that money is really tight and the family lists got out of control and you are way over the amount you wanted to have. So no coworkers on you or fh's side. If that were the case I wouldnt get offended.

Bebalina Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:11 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

don't invite anyone....this way no one can get mad....
just like nsgraham said...its a space issue.

groovypeg Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:14 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

i am a 'manager' of sorts at my school ( i run a classroom with 5 paraprofessionals). i am planning on inviting my boss, the secretary and the other 5 'managers'. thats it. i am not inviting my classroom teachers.

sandj100304 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:15 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Thanks everyone for all the quick advice. I really appreciate the help. I am thinking that nobody is my best bet and using the spcae issue may work. Is it wrong to not invite my boss?

glamourgirl1974 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:15 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I only invited people that ask about my life and I considered a friend. It is
so crazy at my office- I feel like I am in highschool sometimes
I have over 400 people here and I invited the people I work with in
the sales department. Then I invited one other lady and her husband. She
is in the accounting department- well that raised hell around here.
People kept asking her why I invited her and they couldn't believe it.
Then they started talking bad about me behind my back.
I was shocked that this would really bother them. Meanwhile they never
ask me how my wedding plans are going or how my weekend was...etc
so who cares about coming to my wedding- (you'd think)

Anyway good luck to you and only invite those who mean something to
you!

Karacg Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:20 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I am not inviting my boss. We are 4 people in the company, plus his mother who does the books. If I invite him, I have to invite her. And I can't STAND him!! 1 coworker should be giving birth the night of my wedding, so she is out and the other is well, loud and obnoxious but thinks she is invited, so I guess I have to invite her. We have worked together 3&1/2 years, and have had to comfort each other in this hell of an office.....but no, my boss is not invited because I do not want him there.

It is your day -- he probably wouldn't come anyway, but you never know....

anne_nyc Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:26 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Is there anyone recently married in your office that you can ask for advice? The general trend in my office seems to be to invite your boss only. On the other hand, my boss is getting married in two weeks and seems to have invited a good chunk of the staff.

sandj100304 Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:27 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Posted by anne_nyc

Is there anyone recently married in your office that you can ask for advice? The general trend in my office seems to be to invite your boss only. On the other hand, my boss is getting married in two weeks and seems to have invited a good chunk of the staff.

One girl has gotten married here in the past 5 years and she had a small, family only type of wedding. Everyone knows I am not doing that.

skew Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:27 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

it is a very touchy situtation. i am only inviting those that i have a close social relationship w/ and others that that i speak w/ outside of work. in total i am inviting 6 co-workers. non of which are my superiors (just happened that way). although maybe people know that i am getting married, i don't not want to feel obligated that i have to invite them because of we work in the same dept.

heidla Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:27 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

Fh and I had issues about co-workers. We decided that we would invite only people who we have a relationship with outside of work. We will after the honeymoon have a party and invite all the people that we like and could not invite.

marymoon Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:32 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

I'd invite no one. It dones;t seem like there's anyone you're close enough to. If they asknyou can say it's a space or $$ issue. A co-worker of mine had her wedding and invited people who were married w/o dates! I was like OMG. I think it's better to invite no one than to get into hurt feelings and politics...

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Apr 12, 2004 05:44 PM

Re: Inviting Co-workers - Need advice (Very long story, sorry!)

i think you should invite your boss because its customary but if you consider his asst a friend then you should invite her also. i invited most of the people i work with because its a small office. i think a rule of thumb is if you talk to them outside of work they should be invited for sure.