Inviting Delema!!

hi girls.. im sorry i have so many concerns today but you girls are always awesome with helping me out and i really appriciate it!

So heres my issue.. i really cant imagine my wedding day with out all of my little cousins there. (they are my cousins children) they range from 2-16 so choosing an age range would be totally out of the picture cuz once you invite one you invite them all. theres only 7 of them. We're a bit pressed for $$ but really want them there so we are most likely going to invite them and see how it goes.. but my 1st ? is Do they have to come to the shower?? some are totally rambunctious (cant spell) and will not behave and others will and again once you invite 1 you have to invite them all..

2nd ?...My 1 cousin lets call her Jill is married into the family and i love her dearly and has 2 daughters (14 and 8) Now Jills mom (lers call her Kate) lives with jill and is not really 'family' so i wasnt planning on inviting her to the wedding.. yes i see her whenever i go to jills but i really dont have the extra $$ if i invite the kids to the wedding. so like i said i wasnt planning on having her. Well everytime my mom calls Jills or goes there she is always saying how she needs to get a dress for My wedding and so on.. so shes pretty much INVITING HERSELF!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO????

i invited all my little cousins, nieces and nephews to the wedding - not all of them are coming though. only my nieces came to the shower, not my cousins.

and i invited my cousin's in laws - i would especially since they live together. . . i invited my siblings and cousin's in laws - most of them arent coming though ( they are usually the babysitters for the kids who arent coming LOL )

thanks tilde i guess your right its the 'right thing to do' to invite her i just hate when people ASSUME they are invited! i swear everyday this wedding gets bigger and bigger i cant win! i wanted a small wedding and im up to 175

I would invite all the kids to the wedding but I don't think you need to invite them to the shower. They'd find it boring anyway.

Wait unitl work people start inviting themselves.

Someone at work actually said to me 'I better be invited to your wedding'

People are silly and don't think before they speak.

Also the RH probably gives you a break on the price of children too!!!!

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Posted by wifetobe

I would invite all the kids to the wedding but I don't think you need to invite them to the shower. They'd find it boring anyway.

Wait unitl work people start inviting themselves.

Someone at work actually said to me 'I better be invited to your wedding'

People are silly and don't think before they speak.

Also the RH probably gives you a break on the price of children too!!!!

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1 girls i work with invited herself to my wedding and then the set of you know whats on her.. she have the nerve to tell me that MY DRESS IS UGLY AND CANT BELIEVE I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR IT!! and she thinks shes invited.. PLEASE id invite a total stranger before her!

The RH def. gives me a break on children but the thing its their parents would allow them to order off the adult menu.. so i have to somehow work it out that they are NOT ALLOWED to order off the adult menu

yup oh yeha i forgot to mention that!!

at my hall
the babies are free - so i did not pay for anyone who was going to eat baby food OR for little fatties like my niece Cecilia who will just eat a little bit off of everyone's plate

also the kids who get a chicken fingers/ french fries meal

AND i asked the kids what they wanted bc they are all different - i have a 12 year old who is getting an adult meal AND i have a 13 year old who prefers the kids meal LOL and if they arent drinking i was still able to get the kid's meal for them

my cousin even asked for a kids meal and he is over 30 bc he is going to order one anyway, LOL he even got it for his OWN wedding but since he can legally drink i have to get an adult meal for him LOL

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Posted by ant n tilde

yup oh yeha i forgot to mention that!!

at my hall
the babies are free - so i did not pay for anyone who was going to eat baby food OR for little fatties like my niece Cecilia who will just eat a little bit off of everyone's plate

also the kids who get a chicken fingers/ french fries meal

AND i asked the kids what they wanted bc they are all different - i have a 12 year old who is getting an adult meal AND i have a 13 year old who prefers the kids meal LOL and if they arent drinking i was still able to get the kid's meal for them

my cousin even asked for a kids meal and he is over 30 bc he is going to order one anyway, LOL he even got it for his OWN wedding but since he can legally drink i have to get an adult meal for him LOL

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im not concerned about the bigger kids anyone over 13 as far as im concerend can get an adult meal.. but im sorry no 6 year old needs filet migone (sorry i really cant spell)

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Posted by Soon2BMrsD

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Posted by wifetobe

I would invite all the kids to the wedding but I don't think you need to invite them to the shower. They'd find it boring anyway.

Wait unitl work people start inviting themselves.

Someone at work actually said to me 'I better be invited to your wedding'

People are silly and don't think before they speak.

Also the RH probably gives you a break on the price of children too!!!!

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1 girls i work with invited herself to my wedding and then the set of you know whats on her.. she have the nerve to tell me that MY DRESS IS UGLY AND CANT BELIEVE I WOULD PAY MONEY FOR IT!! and she thinks shes invited.. PLEASE id invite a total stranger before her!

The RH def. gives me a break on children but the thing its their parents would allow them to order off the adult menu.. so i have to somehow work it out that they are NOT ALLOWED to order off the adult menu

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I highly doubt a 5 year old will be ordering from the adult menu...maybe the 16 year old would and should be allowed at that point. At my engagement party, my cousin's 12-year old daughter preferred the chicken finges for the kids instead of the adult menu offerings. You may want to call the kids' parents and ask them if they think the kids would like the kids menu or not.

As for 'Kate'...I would invite her, but that's just me.

Good luck!

thanks i dont mind inviting 'kate' i just dont like when people assume they should be invited!

see in my family.. my uncles (the kids grandfathers) would just oder the adult menu for the 6 year olds cuz their grandchildren should be able to eat whatever it is they want.. and that just doesnt fly with me!

which dress did you pic. I checked out your album. They are all beautiful and look beautiful on you!! I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY SAY THAT TO YOU!!!
How did you respond to that!!!!!

Soon2BMrsD I agree with you about people inviting themselves. I'm having the same problem. My list is insane (supposed to be at 300 and up to 420!!. ) and my parents and FIL keep adding people!!

The best thing to do about those that think they're invited (but you don't want to invite) would be to start dropping subtle hints from now how you are having such a hard time with the list.. that there are too many people and you don't know what to do. They usually say 'well you don't have to invite me', and are usually sympathetic. I think it's the best way to sort of break the news to some people (without being rude) and then leave the 'inviting' up to YOU. I've done that with random work people and it seems to work. After all as much as we have to invite certain people, we can't invite EVERYONE we know.

I understand your concern about the kids ordering off the adult menu.

There are few ways of handling this -- for the kids that should only be allowed to order off the adult menu make up a differnent menu card for them and have it placed at their table (i know who wants to add one more thing but it doesn't have to be fancy).

Or

If you know an adult who would prefer the kids meal and a kid who prefer the adult meal have the adult order and then switch with the kid (i did this with my little cousin at my sister's wedding).

Also, keep in mind at that point you are paid up so if a kid orders an adult meal odds are you will still only pay the discounted price. The servers aren't keeping that close of tabs on things.

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Posted by wifetobe

which dress did you pic. I checked out your album. They are all beautiful and look beautiful on you!! I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY SAY THAT TO YOU!!!
How did you respond to that!!!!!

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i picked the dress with the high neck!

yes people are extremely rude and i just said oh ok thanks! and walked away.. i know people arent all going to like my dress and people have differnet tastes but theres no way shes coming. and everyime she brings up coming to the wedding i nicely say..'why would you go to a wedding where the brides dress is ugly' and walk away its actually entertaining now!

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Posted by anneandchris

I understand your concern about the kids ordering off the adult menu.

There are few ways of handling this -- for the kids that should only be allowed to order off the adult menu make up a differnent menu card for them and have it placed at their table (i know who wants to add one more thing but it doesn't have to be fancy).

Or

If you know an adult who would prefer the kids meal and a kid who prefer the adult meal have the adult order and then switch with the kid (i did this with my little cousin at my sister's wedding).

Also, keep in mind at that point you are paid up so if a kid orders an adult meal odds are you will still only pay the discounted price. The servers aren't keeping that close of tabs on things.

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thanks those are really good ideas!

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Posted by Emily08

Soon2BMrsD I agree with you about people inviting themselves. I'm having the same problem. My list is insane (supposed to be at 300 and up to 420!!. ) and my parents and FIL keep adding people!!

The best thing to do about those that think they're invited (but you don't want to invite) would be to start dropping subtle hints from now how you are having such a hard time with the list.. that there are too many people and you don't know what to do. They usually say 'well you don't have to invite me', and are usually sympathetic. I think it's the best way to sort of break the news to some people (without being rude) and then leave the 'inviting' up to YOU. I've done that with random work people and it seems to work. After all as much as we have to invite certain people, we can't invite EVERYONE we know.

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thanks so much for the advice! i will end up inviting her cuz i know its the right thing to do.. just dont like being pressured to do things. im a bit stubborn!

yeah- ppl shouldnt expect to be invited , but since its one person, maybe invite her so she doesnt feel bad and shes nice and all

GL!!

1.kids are usually not invited to the shower, and I think your shower invitations should express that. Are you having a bridal shower (women only) or a wedding shower (FH is there) If it’s a bridal shower, you can make the invitations sound adult-ish, that should give a hint.

2. The invite that you send to Jill’s house, you might have to put a number on her RSVP card, I'd hate to do this, but this will help control the numbers, you are not obligated to invite her !
I can’t believe some people.