Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

FunBride Posted: May 18, 2005 08:40 AM

Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

SO, I graduated from college four years ago with a tight group of six friends. Of that six friends, I regularly speak to one, and occassionally speak to the others. By occassionally, I mean a couple times a year. I'm not sure what happened to our friendships (they are all still very much in touch) I might've pulled away a little bit when we first graduated b/c I was wanting to expand my social horizons in a new city. ANYWAYS, now it comes to inviting ppl. to the wedding and I wasn't sure if I should invite the girls I 'occassionally' speak with - I decided TO invite them, but didn't make it a big deal. Last night, the one friend I AM In touch with regularly says to me, 'Is Emily coming to the wedding???!' Like it was so surprising for her to think that. SO I Said, 'well I hope so. She's invited.' And she said, 'When was the last time you spoke to her??!?!' It was a VERY awkward conversation and I wanted to avoid the topic entirely. It made me re-think a couple of things 1) should I not of invited her (i'm glad I did, she's even coming to my bacheloretee party) and 2) why did our friendship seperate so much yet Lauren and her's stay so together?

AnniesSS Posted: May 18, 2005 08:42 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I'd say it depends on the size of your guest list. If you have room for a few more people, go ahead and invite them. If they come - great! If not, it's their loss.

FunBride Posted: May 18, 2005 08:42 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I guess I feel bad that I had this great group of friends from college - it seems like everyone is still so in touch EXCEPT me.

jimmysgrl Posted: May 18, 2005 09:47 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I would've totally invited them. I don't talk to my high school friends but once a year and the way I look at weddings is that its a culmination of everyone you've been close to throughout the years and who have been with you through it all. My wedding is as much about my past friends and family as it is with who I surround myself with now. I think you did the right thing

italia6973 Posted: May 18, 2005 10:02 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I would invite them. I have a few friends that I don't talk to as much as I would like to anymore but still keep in touch occasionally that I am inviting.

Bunnymonkey Posted: May 18, 2005 11:20 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

i had to asses this as well with a bunch of college friends. It had it's awkward moments, but in the end, I decided that they were such a huge part of my life at one point, I wanted them to share in the joy of the day. Not all of them, I was selective about who I really wanted there. FH has invited a few people he has not really spoken to in a long time as well. It didn't feel right NOT to invite them, and it is not as if we had a falling out...

Go with your gut.

o17range Posted: May 18, 2005 11:43 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I think you did the right thing by inviting them. My best friend from grades 3-12 and I hadn't really seen, talked OR emailed in close to 2 years and in college, we'd see or talk MAYBE twice a year (our respective b-days). I'm SO glad I invited her, because we've rekindled our friendship!

Soon2BMrsA Posted: May 18, 2005 11:51 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I had the same problem, I had several friends from college that I didnt really keep in touch with, but in the end decided that it was best to invite them, so whenever I run into them after the wedding I wont feel weird! But Im really glad I ended up inviting them.

SeptWed Posted: May 18, 2005 11:52 AM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I think it depends on your budget and space limitations...

However, I agree that you should invite everyone who was important to your life at one time or another to weddings.....

I invited two grammer school friends (who i rarely see anymore), a group of guys from High School that i was close back in HS and College and who I see occassionally now and two of my college girlfriends that i speak to like 1-2 times a year. Oh and i invited one girl i was BF with in HS but fell out of touch with.

They all came and had a great time and i am so glad i did.

However, i did have a bigger group of friends in college that i have lost touch with that i did not invite. I was not invited to their weddings either. Honestly, i have a lot of friends and acquaintences and while that group was nice to hang out with in college when i came home i met new friends (and kept the old) and those were the people i spent hanging out with in my early 20s and who i am still close to today. I think i realized even during college tha those friends were not really what i considered to be a friend and knew we would not be close after graduation.

LandJ Posted: May 18, 2005 01:08 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I have several friends I don't speak to that often that I invited to my wedding. Those friends live in different states/cities so it is difficult to keep in touch all the time. We probably email a lot more than we talk on the phone. For me, it wasn't even a question. They have been dear friends to me since the 7th grade and when we do speak, it's like we never lost touch. I guess it depends on the type of friendships you have with them and of course budget, space, etc. But I think you did the right thing by inviting them. Maybe it will also be an opportunity to keep in touch more before and after your wedding.

jersee3380 Posted: May 18, 2005 01:39 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

Posted by AnniesSS

I'd say it depends on the size of your guest list. If you have room for a few more people, go ahead and invite them. If they come - great! If not, it's their loss.

i agree

cjik Posted: May 18, 2005 03:03 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I've been mulling over the same issue. I have a group of friends from work. One couple I have kept in touch with, and they are definitely invited. The other four couples I speak to a couple times a year at best, though I still enjoy seeing them. Some people had kids, some moved further away, I think this accounts for much of the communication lag.

Our space is limited though, so I waited to see if we got enough nos--we have, so I will go ahead and send out their invites.

I agree with other comments. This depends upon your space and budget limitations.

SomethingBlu Posted: May 18, 2005 03:05 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I wouldn't invite them...only because I am inviting people that I plan on having in my life in the future...otherwise I couldn't afford the wedding.

BlondeJD Posted: May 18, 2005 03:13 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

I would invite them all. I had a VERY similar situation. I went to a small college and had a group of 6 friends. We stay in touch occasionally, but I'm better friends with some more than others. I thought it would be weird not to have them all there since they were important to me at one point (and some still are -- one is my MOH )

As for why you're not as close, my theory is that in college, a lot of friendships are formed more out of convenience (you live in the same dorm, were roommates freshman year, took a class together) than because you have all that much in common. After you aren't in such confined spaces with each other (my school was in the middle of nowhere for example), I tended to keep in touch with the ones who I would've been friends with even if we hadn't lived next door to each other freshman year. Also, people grow apart as they grow up. I don't think you should feel bad about it, but if you want to change things, you could always try reaching out more to them. Hope this helps

FunBride Posted: May 21, 2005 03:27 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

Jenniesunshine - I feel like we went to same college, had same college experience! I went to school in the middle of NOWHERE where sororities and parties were LIFE and though i LOVED my close group of 6 friends - you're right, a lot of things ARE formed out of convenience..........i liked reading your post!

BlondeJD Posted: May 21, 2005 06:53 PM

Re: Inviting out-of-touch friends to wedding?

Posted by FunBride

Jenniesunshine - I feel like we went to same college, had same college experience! I went to school in the middle of NOWHERE where sororities and parties were LIFE and though i LOVED my close group of 6 friends - you're right, a lot of things ARE formed out of convenience..........i liked reading your post!

Yep, that was college! Though I really do miss all the theme parties. You can't really throw an impromptu 'pimps & hoes' party after college