Is it typical for the BMs

Original post by plainview

Jul 25, 2006 09:53 AM

to (help) pay for the shower?

My MOH called me yesterday and said she wanted to help my mom pay for it. DOnt get me wrong I really appreciate the kindness and consideration of her gesture, but I dont want them footing the bill. My mom and FMIL are going to split it.
She asked me if she should ask my 2 other BMS to chip in.
I feel like they are already spending enough.

So just wanted to know if this is typical or if any of you had a bridal party that paid for your shower?

Thanks girls/

Edited for spelling

HearzBellz Posted: Jul 25, 2006 10:50 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

For my wedding it was just my mom & my MOH (sister) that paid. For my sister's wedding, the BP has already approached me to ask how they can help out for the Shower.

bellaro782 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 10:55 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I think the MOH & Mother of the Bride Pay for the Shower... FH;s Family Pay's for rehearsal Dinner

NYIsleBride06 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:03 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

My BMs paid for and coordinated the entire shower...they kept my Mom in the loop up until that day...then they decorated themselves so she could be surprised and enjoy the day...

kathrynlinton Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:05 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

My mom and sister (MOH) paid for my shower. I think my mom paid for the shower and my sis paid for the bachelorette party in reality.

Traditionally, i think the BP is supposed to pay for it, but now I think it depends on the circumstances. I mean, besides my sister, I had my SILs in my BP, the older one had just had a baby and the younger ones were 14 and 12 and no one thought it was fair to ask their mom (DH's step mom to pay).

I was a MOH where I paid for the favors and the decorations and invites and her mom did the rest. So, it does depend.

ML110 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:06 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

it really depends on the group, and how they want to split it up.... i've been in 2 weddings recently, and for one the brides neighbor hosted the shower at her house, so she and us BMs split the cost and ' jobs' ( favors, decorations, etc)- the MOB didn't contribute at all. .for the other one, the shower was at a restaurant, so the BMs split the cost, plus put in some for a group gift....i think the MOB ended up putting in some money, too. i think my part ended up being like $200.
for my wedding, my BMs came up wtih an amount they all thought was reasonable to contribute, and then my mom paid the rest....

milerose Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:08 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

In my family the bride's mother always pays for the shower and the BM's can help out but I have been in several weddings wehre I had to chip in and pay for the shower.

Personally and this is JMO I don't think it is fair for the bridal party to pay for the shower. I feel that is asking too much. They already have to pay for their dress, shoes, hair, makeup, gift for both wedding and shower.

For my shower my mom paid for it and the BM's paid for the decorations.

mrsh2b Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:10 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

In my experiences, it depends. Customarily, it was the BP who paid for it. But since the cost of being in a BP has gone completely out of control, it seems more and more that moms are helping out. The last 2 showers I was a BM at, the BP paid. The first one I was in, the mom paid for the whole thing. I guess it also matters as to the financial situation of the bride's parents and also to how controlling the bride's mom is. The one where we didn't pay for anything was when we were all in college and the mom insisted on having it at a hoytee toytee place to impress her friends, so she foot the bill.

Chrissywish Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:17 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

It honestly goes both ways...the first bridal party i was in we all paid for it and didn't even ask the mother (she was ill we didn't want her to stress or do a thing)

Then the other friends, it was a combination...however b/c they spent so much then the shower is really the gift.

The one I am in now, I doubt that the brides mother will ask for a penny, however we will all be there to help do everything in any way.

Sometimes the parents want to, sometimes the bridal party helps. If the mothers are both happy paying, then tell her to offer her help any way, and if she wants to spend the money there are other ways...whether it be gifts..taking care of all the games and prizes...getting the favors...or the centerpeices

plainview Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:55 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

Posted by Chrissywish

It honestly goes both ways...the first bridal party i was in we all paid for it and didn't even ask the mother (she was ill we didn't want her to stress or do a thing)

Then the other friends, it was a combination...however b/c they spent so much then the shower is really the gift.

The one I am in now, I doubt that the brides mother will ask for a penny, however we will all be there to help do everything in any way.

Sometimes the parents want to, sometimes the bridal party helps. If the mothers are both happy paying, then tell her to offer her help any way, and if she wants to spend the money there are other ways...whether it be gifts..taking care of all the games and prizes...getting the favors...or the centerpeices

Yeah, thats how my mom is. She would never ask and I dont think she would accept. I had to force her to accept help from my FMIL who said she really wanted to help pay and would be offended if my mom didnt accept. She said this to me and my mom numerwous times.

mycrayon1 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 11:57 AM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I thinks it depends. My mom and MOH are going to be splitting it but I have heard of just Mom or just the BM's paying for it.

Katie&Chris2006 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 12:00 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

Posted by N.Y.bride

Ive heard it donw both ways.

Mom & FMIL

BMS

Both together

me too. most of the weddings I've been in the mothers of the bride and groom foot most of the bill, but the BMs help with coordination - games, etc. But I've paid for smaller things like the cake, invites, wishing well in the past, when I've offered to help. The last wedding I was in however the MOB asked each of the girls for $600 for the shower she was throwing. We had to be honest with her and tell her that wasn't something we could do. I think we wound up giving like 200 each.

plainview Posted: Jul 25, 2006 12:02 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

Posted by Katie&Chris2006

Posted by N.Y.bride

Ive heard it donw both ways.

Mom & FMIL

BMS

Both together

me too. most of the weddings I've been in the mothers of the bride and groom foot most of the bill, but the BMs help with coordination - games, etc. But I've paid for smaller things like the cake, invites, wishing well in the past, when I've offered to help. The last wedding I was in however the MOB asked each of the girls for $600 for the shower she was throwing. We had to be honest with her and tell her that wasn't something we could do. I think we wound up giving like 200 each.

$600?!!!!

Thats nuts!

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 25, 2006 12:42 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

in my family the MOB pays for the shower

i am sure that FMIL will offer to help though

as for BM's paying - i would always offer but so far have never had to give money

HTH!

sarahradio5 Posted: Jul 25, 2006 03:56 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I've been in 3 bridal parties, and in all of them the bridal party paid for the shower and everything that went with it. In my case, it's my mom and my bridal party throwing me the shower (which I know is coming up - and I can't wait!!).

Honestly, that's why my gift to the girls in my bridal party is going to be much nicer than what it will be for the guys, because they have a much higher financial cost for the wedding than the guys do(dress, shoes, hair, makeup, shower, BP gift, bachelorette party, etc.)... what eles is new?!!?

The guys have the tux... and the Bachelor Party! That's it! No fair! Guys have it easy... once again!!!

TaraJohn Posted: Jul 25, 2006 07:33 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I'm having my mom pay for my shower.....she wants to. I don't want my BM to pay for anything associated with it. They said they want to help, i said thy could with the menu and any activities or picking out the favors....but no money. They do enough and are just as poor as i am!

Malone130 Posted: Jul 26, 2006 12:44 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I just had my shower and all my bridemaids chipped in to foot the bill.

IlianaR Posted: Jul 26, 2006 12:47 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

Posted by laural2979

It is actually traditional for the BMs to pay for the entire shower. It used to be considered rude for the MOB to throw the shower since it is liking asking for gifts. Now more and more mothers are paying for the shower, which is nice for all of us broke BMs out there.

I Agree...

jellybean1420 Posted: Jul 26, 2006 01:40 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I think traditionally the BM's are supposed to pay for the shower, however, when I got married all my BM's were still in college so my mom threw my shower.

DanNette Posted: Jul 26, 2006 02:49 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

I think it is pretty common for them to help, if they can.

PrincessRose Posted: Jul 26, 2006 03:08 PM

Re: Is it typical for the BMs

Posted by laural2979

It is actually traditional for the BMs to pay for the entire shower. It used to be considered rude for the MOB to throw the shower since it is liking asking for gifts. Now more and more mothers are paying for the shower, which is nice for all of us broke BMs out there.

Yep, that's right. For the record, my Mom helped my BMs out, but everyone contributed.