Is it wrong..

bettybcafe Posted: Sep 16, 2006 12:50 AM

Is it wrong..

To ask my husbands parents to contribute to the wedding..I mean it is their son getting married too lol..just curious to know what people think about both familes contributing.

afrodyt2000 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 12:53 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

I think it's wrong to ask them to contribute. If you ask them IF they would like to, that's fine. We didn't expect either family to contribute and planned as if they wouldn't. It is our wedding and while it's nice if either or both parents choose to contribute, I don't feel that they have to.

bettybcafe Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:02 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

True...in my situation my FH asked if his parents could contribute...My mom and I are putting a good share, my FH will put his and then he asked his parents if they can contribute too....they agreed..just wanted some opinions on it tho

drpepper318 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:03 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

Nope it's not wrong to ask them, the worst that can happen is they say no, or that they can't. As long as you don't come across with the attitude that they owe it to you or make them feel bad if they say no.

bettybcafe Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:05 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

Posted by drpepper318

Nope it's not wrong to ask them, the worst that can happen is they say no, or that they can't. As long as you don't come across with the attitude that they owe it to you or make them feel bad if they say no.

Yea..thats why I had my FH ask as tho I didnt bring it up...I had him ask them as if it was his idea..they were good with it..in fact my FFIL said, whatever you need just let me know

drpepper318 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:07 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

Posted by bettybcafe

Posted by drpepper318

Nope it's not wrong to ask them, the worst that can happen is they say no, or that they can't. As long as you don't come across with the attitude that they owe it to you or make them feel bad if they say no.

Yea..thats why I had my FH ask as tho I didnt bring it up...I had him ask them as if it was his idea..they were good with it..in fact my FFIL said, whatever you need just let me know

Yeah I'm going to do the same.. I'm going to see if FH could ask his parents for some help paying for things.. I'd feel funny doing the asking.. I think they'll be nice about it though.

NF622 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:08 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

Its def not wrong. If they have the means to contribute there is nothing wrong w/asking them if they could. They are going to want to invite people too and its nice to help their son out in a very important day in his life. Obviously they can say no, but the way you put it I don't think they did.
Its modern times...the bride's parents don't pay for everything anymore. Now the bride and groom are paying for a lot and so are the groom's parents.
I like the 21st century

ejm1219 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:08 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

I am not asking FH mom to contribute. My parents are paying for the RH and thats it. Hopefully she will give us something, but if not, we got it covered.

ruzi777 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:15 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

I Know my Parents can not afford to pay for our wedding. We had to take out a LOAN and that's just for the HALL!!!!
We are still saving for the FLowers/DJ/Pictures.....
I think that it is wrong to ask FH's parents!!!
My FH's Parents will be paying for the rehearsal dinner, they already told me that.
I know we will be getting taken care of.
I COULD NEVER ASK THEM!!!!

bettybcafe Posted: Sep 16, 2006 01:23 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

Posted by ruzi777

I Know my Parents can not afford to pay for our wedding. We had to take out a LOAN and that's just for the HALL!!!!
We are still saving for the FLowers/DJ/Pictures.....
I think that it is wrong to ask FH's parents!!!
My FH's Parents will be paying for the rehearsal dinner, they already told me that.
I know we will be getting taken care of.
I COULD NEVER ASK THEM!!!!

Yea but I will one day be carrying their grandchild, the least they can do is contribute a little bit for the wedding.. Im joking..I accept all your opinions. Thanks

JessieC Posted: Sep 16, 2006 09:16 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

I'm not going to ask mine but it kills me that my fh, myself and my parents have to do it all. they are not even offering to make a rehearsal dinner for us. (or an engagement present) and they have the money. so we are not going to have a brunch or rehersal dinner at all because it is too much for us. it drives me nuts!! thanks for the vent, girls. i needed that since i cant complain to anyone else

nycgirl79 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 09:18 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

Posted by NF622

Its def not wrong. If they have the means to contribute there is nothing wrong w/asking them if they could. They are going to want to invite people too and its nice to help their son out in a very important day in his life. Obviously they can say no, but the way you put it I don't think they did.
Its modern times...the bride's parents don't pay for everything anymore. Now the bride and groom are paying for a lot and so are the groom's parents.
I like the 21st century

Perfectly put.

PaddysGirl15 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 09:18 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

im on the fence here, my FIL's are both retired and are on very limited incomes, so I would never even dream of asking them to contribute. If they want to help, thats awesome, but I am not sure if I would ask .

AllJoy Posted: Sep 16, 2006 09:24 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

I think its a lost cause. My parents passed away 19 years ago. So you would think that FH's parents would contribute something. (at least offer to pay the D.J.), nope not a dime. If I was in
their shoes, that would have been the first thing I would've suggested. Granted they aren't rolling in the dough, but they could afford a little something. Go figure!

ant n tilde Posted: Sep 16, 2006 09:34 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

IMO its wrong to ask anyone to help pay for the wedding. we are choosing to get married - and no one is obligated to help us in any way

My FILs obviously know we are getting married, and I keep them involved with the planning through emails and in person. They know how much weddings cost so if they wanted to help they would have offered.

I would never even think of asking my parents to help either, again, since they arent the ones getting married - but i am blessed that they have offered to pay for certain things like my dress and the favors.

sorry, but this is JMO!

prettyprincess07 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 10:01 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

I guess it all depends on your situation. If you have in-laws who would like to help then why not? Maybe they are under the impression you dont need help and can handle the financial aspect of the wedding on your own.There is never anything wrong with asking the most they can tell you is No. Best bet before you ask talk it over with your FH and then the both of you should sit down and talk with them. Find out if its a loan for the wedding or a gift to the two of you.

GabrielleandJohn Posted: Sep 16, 2006 10:08 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

Please don't take this as harsh but I think it is wrong. I think that a wedding is a celebration of the two of you and that if your parents have offered to help that is wonderful but to ask is rude.

kris01 Posted: Sep 16, 2006 11:31 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

I am in the middle on this - I think it is wrong to just come out and ask BUT my parents are paying for the entire RH and then some. They are very generous. I know it has to do with me being the only child & my mom's little girl.
FH is the youngest and the only boy and the last one to get married. They have hinted that what they gave us was only an engagement gift. I don't think they have any concept of how much it is to have a wedding.
JMO...I don't think I would ever be able to flat out ask them for $$ but I really think they should at least offer - even if it is a $1000 or $2000 that would help alot.
JMO

-Kris

Glamorousbride Posted: Sep 17, 2006 09:28 AM

Re: Is it wrong..

It depends... my future in laws are not in a position to help us and we have to just accept that. my future fil is a wonderful man but he gambles so it is what it is.

I didn't ask anyone to contribute- I just explained that anything extra (photos for grandparents for example, and anything else that i don't want to pay for but someone wants at the wedding-- then they have to pay for it..I don't pay for extra requests lol.

Now even though my future in laws are not contributing much--and my parents are helping a little........i have to accept it because my FH is the one who's working really hard to save the money up...I can barely work any hours b/c of school...

So take whatever comes to u-- expect nothing then be happy if you do get it.

eunicsd006 Posted: Sep 17, 2006 09:18 PM

Re: Is it wrong..

FIRST OFF WERE NOT LIVING IN THE 1900'S WERE EVERYTHING HAD TO BE DONE A CERTAIN WAY NOWADAYS U CAN DO ANYTHING U WANT ....BESIDES ITS NOT LIKE YOUR ASKING THE GUEST FOR HELP ITS HIS PARENTS WHAT PARENT WOULD SAY NO.....EVEN SO WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK...ME AND FH ARE PAYING FOR OUR WEDDING BUT HIS PARENTS ARE POOR AND MY MOM JUST BOUGHT A CONDO SO SHES BROKE FOR NOW...IF THAT WASNT THE CASE I WOULD OF DEFINATELY SAID HEY COULD U GUYS HELP US OUT......U HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE IN ASKING