is this really such a big deal? i need yoru advice!!!

okay so before i ask i have to give you a breakdown:

My maid of honor is my sister (only 15 years old). I really have no real girl friends. i have always gotten along better with guys. So my bridesmaids are mostly family. 2 of my bridesmaids who I thought would be my main 'go togals' dropped out (these are my first cousins who I'm utterly pissed about). Anyway, My mother cannot afford to throw me a bridal shower. We all are under a tight budget. My parents are retired. My dad's battling end stage renal failure, my mom has her hands full. So I thought to myself, how am i going to even begin to burden my mother with throwing me a bridal shower. We have a very small apartment and wouldn't be able to do something at home. So I decided to take matters in my own hands and throw myself one! lol I can afford a small gathering at an American legion, (my mom said she would cook the food) and bam! that's it!

My bridesmaids won't be able to afford anything. I know this because they're all spent and have a lot of things going on and my mom has mentioned a bridal shower here and there and they basically (in few words) said they wouldnt really be able to help financially with the event. This is FINE! I have no problem with this.

Anyway, when my FMIL foudn out I was doing the planning, looking for places, etc. She lost it! She said I shouldn't be doing it, It should be a surprise my momshould pay for it. But this should be to no surprise to HER that my famly really can't afford it. I mean, I'm notgetting any help from either side for the wedding. FH and I are doing this by ourselves...so what's the big deal?

am I being irrational by being upset? I personaly want to have a bridal shower and if need be, I'll throw myself one. Is this so bad? I don't care if its a surprise, I hate surprises anyway! lol ugh! What do you girls think?

Personally, I don't think you should throw yourself a shower. A shower is a gift and should be given to you (if at all possible). Many people feel like a shower is a 'must have'. I do not. Besides, the amount of money you spend on throwing your own shower, you could probably use and buy urself some presents.

JMO

NO U ARE NOT WRONG AT ALL!!!

If ur FMIL is so mad that u are thworing urself a bridal shower, then WHY she deosnt throw one for u?


I am going to have one BUT not a surprise!
I will be in theplannin of it...
Mom cant do it, FMIL cant do it either... someone else will throw me a shwoer so I will be 'deciding' what i wnat.....

Well, can your bms and even your sister 'host' it but not have to pay?? LIke they can do stuff that DOESN'T require money like get the games together, even bake cakes etc.


I don't think you fmil is right in that your mom HAS to pay for it and make it a surprise at that...nobody HAS to pay for anything, family or not.

If you want to plan your own, just go for it but allow your bms and sister to do some facetime (like include their names on invites) etc so it doesn't look like you're throwin g your own shower.

I think it's great that you want to throw your bridal shower! You should be able to have one!

FMIL sounds traditional and opinionated. Are you very opposed to lying? If not, tell her your Mom took out a small loan to pay for it and inform your mom that FMIL is being very unreasonable.

ohyes i forgot to mention the bm's are def. willing to help host and plan...its the money issue and V: I know right? FMIL drives me nuts! lol

I know a bridal shower is a gift but I know it won't happen from any side...so if I can just put the money down toward s the space and have everyone else plan it...it shouldn't be too bad. besides, my mom says she could afford cooking for it...its the thousands of dollars needed for a restaurant which is highly unlikely!

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Posted by InLuvWithMyBF

ohyes i forgot to mention the bm's are def. willing to help host and plan...its the money issue and V: I know right? FMIL drives me nuts! lol

I know a bridal shower is a gift but I know it won't happen from any side...so if I can just put the money down toward s the space and have everyone else plan it...it shouldn't be too bad. besides, my mom says she could afford cooking for it...its the thousands of dollars needed for a restaurant which is highly unlikely!

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oh man, thousands of dollars? I mean it's your money but how big is the guest list? Maybe you could save money and your mom wouldn't have to cook if you ofund a restaurant with a pp cost for like brunch?

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Posted by InLuvWithMyBF

well the space at an american legion is 500 with a bartender, waiteress, manager, hot trays, racks, and access to the kitchen, linens, chairs, and tables. this isnt too bad! and my mom said she could cook and we'd spend UNDER 1000 This is so much better (in our situation) than at a restaurant /hall

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oh, nice! OKay, totally better! I thought you were saying the space you were interested in was thousands plus your mom would have to cook. Great! I think it's a good idea. Everyone works to gether and you get what you want

lIke the other girls suggested, your FMIL doesn't have to know you footed the bill. It's annoying to even have to lie about it but whatever keeps her quiet

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Posted by InLuvWithMyBF

well the space at an american legion is 500 with a bartender, waiteress, manager, hot trays, racks, and access to the kitchen, linens, chairs, and tables. this isnt too bad! and my mom said she could cook and we'd spend UNDER 1000 This is so much better (in our situation) than at a restaurant /hall

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Mira si tu mama no puede cocinar todo....

Call my Catering Guy =-)
He did my Eparty



Mike Thomas Catering

He has amazing FOOD!
and His prices start at $8pp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by VCanizalez

NO U ARE NOT WRONG AT ALL!!!

If ur FMIL is so mad that u are thworing urself a bridal shower, then WHY she deosnt throw one for u?

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totally this!!! as i said many times before---- people are not allowed to judge/comment, etc etc unless they want to pay!

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Posted by InLuvWithMyBF

ohyes i forgot to mention the bm's are def. willing to help host and plan...its the money issue and V: I know right? FMIL drives me nuts! lol

I know a bridal shower is a gift but I know it won't happen from any side...so if I can just put the money down toward s the space and have everyone else plan it...it shouldn't be too bad. besides, my mom says she could afford cooking for it...its the thousands of dollars needed for a restaurant which is highly unlikely!

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If you BM are willing to help ITS GREAT....
Work with them then chica =-)

Yep FMIL i think are meant to bother us forever...
I cant even begin telln U all that I go thur with her...