So my MOH asked me for a guest list for my shower. I asked FMIL who she would like me to put on it and she said 'I hate showers, so don't invite any of my friends'. They live in PA so I understand that it would be a bit of a trip for them, but I would think that their close family would be insulted that they weren't invited. I wonder if FMIL will even come...
Update: I just checked my email and FMIL sent me a really nice note. She said that she thought she may have come off curt when we talked last night and that she didn't want me to think that she wasn't excited about our wedding. Plus, she sent me a list of people that I should invite to the shower. That makes me feel 100% better.
Soon2BeMrs
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wow..thats very rude. i would def invite family though even if she doesnt want them invited or her friends
BunnyBride
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I'm sure she didnt mean to sound so harsh...I'm sure she will come to your shower! she is going to be your MIL after all!
October Bliss
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If you have the guest list from her for the wedding, have your FH identify who is family (aunts, cousins) and include them on the list. If she doesn't want her friends invited, then so be it.
AllJoy
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Lets join the club w/weird FMIL's. Mine said 'her sisters can't afford to come to the shower'. Give me a break! They live in Brooklyn and the shower will be in Nassau County.
snydl40
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I don't think it's strange.......I think it was a mean comment to make. I would get the addresses anyway-at least of family and send them invites.
citycrab705
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Posted by October Bliss
If you have the guest list from her for the wedding, have your FH identify who is family (aunts, cousins) and include them on the list. If she doesn't want her friends invited, then so be it.
If you have the guest list from her for the wedding, have your FH identify who is family (aunts, cousins) and include them on the list. If she doesn't want her friends invited, then so be it.
Do this and invite her friends bc it will piss her off! Ok-kidding! But do the first part and don't invite her friends!
laural2979
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Thanks for all of your suggestions. I think I was just kind of insulted that she didn't want any of her family to be invited. Oh well, I'm sure that we'll have a good time without them.
melbalalala
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Re: Is this strange? Shower related
Posted by laural2979
So my MOH asked me for a guest list for my shower. I asked FMIL who she would like me to put on it and she said 'I hate showers, so don't invite any of my friends'. They live in PA so I understand that it would be a bit of a trip for them, but I would think that their close family would be insulted that they weren't invited. I wonder if FMIL will even come...
That stinks
My MOH is having a shower down here for me and was asking me about FHs side of the family. I asked FSIL and she said for her shower, my FMIL really just said immediate family. I thought that was weird, why she wouldnt want to invite her close friends... but what are you going to do.
That would be really weird if FMIL doesnt make an appearance at ALL
MattandTricia07
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eeeek! She could have said it nicer!!!
Kara and Todd
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Posted by laural2979
So my MOH asked me for a guest list for my shower. I asked FMIL who she would like me to put on it and she said 'I hate showers, so don't invite any of my friends'. They live in PA so I understand that it would be a bit of a trip for them, but I would think that their close family would be insulted that they weren't invited. I wonder if FMIL will even come...
I would be hurt if she did not want to invite anyone - family or anything, but... Are you sure you didn't misunderstand her? I mean, maybe she was only inviting family to the shower? My mother doesn't invite her friends, other than VERY close family friends that we call aunt and uncle to showers. My mother's opinion of this is that it's rude to assume that people who are not close to bride or groom would want to shell out the money for an expensive shower gift, even if they are close with my mom. I tend to agree with her there. Her friends don't invite her to their children's showers either - again, with the exception of those close family friends we call aunt and uncle.
It's possible that your FMIL feels the same way? Maybe she knows that her friends will feel put out in some way?
I REALLY hope she didn't mean she wouldn't invite ANYONE to the shower.
thelastresort
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I think she could have worded it a little nicer. However, I personally think that a shower is meant for close friends and family of the bride. FH's immediate female family members will be the only ones invited to my shower. I don't want my shower to be a ridiculous production like my wedding is going to be. I hate guest list politics! But anyway, I wouldn't be upset with her saying that. I would be relieved actually. And don't fret...I'm sure your FMIL would not miss your shower!
SeptBride70
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Wow that was totally uncalled for-- and not to mention, completely out in left field! ... Why does she feel the need to give her opinion on how SHE feels about showers when it's not going to be a shower for her-- ugh!
So sorry-- don't let it put a damper on your day!!! And if she doesn't want to invite anyone I guess there is nothing you can do I would let FH know what happened and just mention to him that you are worried some of the people on his side might be a little offended when they don't get an invite-- see what he says
Naunie
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Eww. Just because she doens't like showers, doesn't mean her friends don't! You should tell her that you prefer to extend the invitation, and they can chose not to come if they like. Good luck, I would be insulted too.
PrincessRose
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Personally, I don't think that people on the Groom's side need to be invited to showers, other than the FMIL, FSILs, and maybe his grandmother. It's a day for the Bride to be showered with gifts by the important women in HER life.
The invitation is nice when extended, but certainly not necessary, IMO.
Kara and Todd
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Posted by Naunie
Eww. Just because she doens't like showers, doesn't mean her friends don't! You should tell her that you prefer to extend the invitation, and they can chose not to come if they like. Good luck, I would be insulted too.
I really don't think this is a good idea. These are presumably people with whom the bride is not close, and I think it's up to the FMIL to decide who from her side of the family is invited to the wedding.
While we may not understand it, some people our parents' age feel VERY differently about showers. Personally, I feel it's for family and close friends. If someone had gone behind my mother's back when my brother got married to invite extra people to the shower that my mother did not want to invite, she'd have be extremely upset. She and her friends don't invite each other to showers. That's how they operate.
While I can TOTALLY understand that it hurts that she may not invite anyone, it's not the bride's place to make that call in this situation. Maybe there are family feelings or arrangements of which the bride is unaware... I'd ask FH to talk to her about it to see what she says, maybe, but then I'd uninvolve myself. It's FMIL's call, IMHO... but I agree that not inviting anyone is a little odd, not to mention somewhat hurtful to the bride.
Personally, though, I feel showers are for close family and very close friends only... so I'd enjoy the time with the people who can come, even if FMIL invites no one.
laural2979
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Re: Is this strange? Shower related
Posted by Kara and Todd
Are you sure you didn't misunderstand her? I mean, maybe she was only inviting family to the shower?
That's what I thought at first too. So I said, 'So you don't want me to put anyone from your side on the list?' and she said yes.
I do agree that showers should be for important women in my life and I'm honestly not that close with anyone in their family. I was just concerned about not inviting his sister and a good friend of the family who I really get along with. I think we'll probably just invite those two people. Hopefully FMIL will show up at a minimum.
Thanks for all of your support!
ellebelle1
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Um, that is strange. Not to make you upset, but I would take that personally. My MIL was so excited to invite the world to my shower and loved being a part of it. The only person who made any sort of comment to not liking showers was my FSIL. Then, low and behold she came to my shower (without RSVPing), then left after 20 minutes. Then, after my wedding didn't say one nice thing to me about it and made an insult to my DH about the wedding. So, yes that is strange and says a lot about how she feels about you. Now, I am not just talking about her not inviting family, but jut the mere fact that she said she doesn't like showers. All the women I know in their 50's love showers, so it's not a generation thing.
