Brides Helping Brides ™ - It just confirms it for FH and I

Dr Meg Posted: Apr 27, 2009 09:48 AM

It just confirms it for FH and I

FH and I are pretty sure we don't want kids. We've got several reasons why.
Anyway, this weekend was my sisters 7th wedding anniversary. Her DH surprised her with a trip to Mohegan Sun and tix to see Dane Cook. FH and I started watching their two kids (my niece is just shy of 1 years old and my nephew is 5) yesterday morning. OMG, after yesterday FH and I are exhausted. We had them both in bed by 8 pm and we were in bed shortly after.
My niece didn't sleep very well (was up at midnight, again at 4:30 am and then up at 6:15 am), that I got about 2 hours of sleep last night. I then had to get myself, and the two kids ready this morning. I was actually looking forward to coming to work because I would get to relax, LOL.
I have to pick them both up after work and do it all again tomorrow morning. I give my sis a lot of credit for doing this on a daily basis, I can't wait till they come home Tuesday afternoon. When FH and I were laying in bed last night he goes to me 'I definitely don't want this for our life' and I totally concur!

tanda826 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:30 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

wow-my fh and i are the exact opposite-i am so in love with kids, i teach dance to children of all ages and they are amazing!!! I dont want any of my own yet, but one of my greatest hopes is to one day share that with my FH.

I think its good that both of you can agree on the fact that you don't want children-that could be a problem if you didnt

Celeste617 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:32 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

FH and I feel the same way. We love kids and have fun with them, but it's nice to say goodbye at the end of the day. We are both very career oriented and also feel like we have only just begun to really enjoy our lives. We'd like to be able to come and go as we please - maybe it's a little bit selfish, but it's still how we feel. You should see the faces we get when we tell people that children are not high on our priority list! I say maybe I'll feel different a few years from now (I'm almost 31 so I have a little time) - my clock is definitely not ticking!

Margarita Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:54 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Honestly, I don't think it's selfish at all and I applaud you! What is selfish is people who have children and still come and go as they please! I want children but to each his own.

Dr Meg Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:55 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Celeste617

FH and I feel the same way. We love kids and have fun with them, but it's nice to say goodbye at the end of the day. We are both very career oriented and also feel like we have only just begun to really enjoy our lives. We'd like to be able to come and go as we please - maybe it's a little bit selfish, but it's still how we feel. You should see the faces we get when we tell people that children are not high on our priority list! I say maybe I'll feel different a few years from now (I'm almost 31 so I have a little time) - my clock is definitely not ticking!

You and your FH sound exactly like me and mine. It isn't that we don't like kids; we are both very active in our niece and nephew's lives, they just aren't for us.
And I agree with you, it is very frustrating that people can't understand that we don't want kids. We once had an hour long convo with one of FH's Aunt's about our reasoning, and at the end of it all she was like 'oh you'll change your mind.'

gip32680 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 10:59 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Celeste617

FH and I feel the same way. We love kids and have fun with them, but it's nice to say goodbye at the end of the day. We are both very career oriented and also feel like we have only just begun to really enjoy our lives. We'd like to be able to come and go as we please - maybe it's a little bit selfish, but it's still how we feel. You should see the faces we get when we tell people that children are not high on our priority list! I say maybe I'll feel different a few years from now (I'm almost 31 so I have a little time) - my clock is definitely not ticking!

It's NOT selfish at all. Having kids a choice for us. What would be selfish is having kids and then neglecting them to so call 'have your own life'. No one asks to be born. It's a shame that so many people have kids that they weren't ready for or didn't really want because then it's the children who suffer. Dh and I have a son and we want another child soon. But that's what we want. I truly commend those who can honestly agree that they don't want children and stay true to themselves. I think a lot of people gvet caught up in what society believes is the 'correct' way of doing things. Career, marriage, kids etc. But certain things are not for everyone. And I don't think it's the least bit selfish. We love our son more than anything but there are times that we wished we didn't have hime when we did. There were.a few things we wish we had done first. Like really establishing ourselves financially, getting married buying a house etc. We were actually the ones who were selfish because we wanted a child so bad that we didn't think everything through first. I have no regrets that my son is here. The only thing I regret is that he was in a way cheated out of some things because we didn't plan right.

SoonT00beMrsC Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:05 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Celeste617 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Dr Meg

You and your FH sound exactly like me and mine. It isn't that we don't like kids; we are both very active in our niece and nephew's lives, they just aren't for us.
And I agree with you, it is very frustrating that people can't understand that we don't want kids. We once had an hour long convo with one of FH's Aunt's about our reasoning, and at the end of it all she was like 'oh you'll change your mind.'

OMG the 'you'll change your mind' comment This would be FMIL and my grandmother! We just say OK! Especially with grandma - I definitely don't want to pi$$ that lady off!

VeggieBride Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:40 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

some people just aren't meant to be parents, ya know?

FH and I are DEFINITELY not the type of people.

I think other people's kids are great, dont get me wrong. Its just not for me.

People i work with always ask me when we plan on having kids and when I tell them we aren't they always harass me about why we are even getting married. Sorry, i didnt think it was mandatory to have kids to get married!

julesrbf Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:40 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Margarita

Honestly, I don't think it's selfish at all and I applaud you! What is selfish is people who have children and still come and go as they please! I want children but to each his own.

ITA!!! Nothing wrong with not wanting them and recognizing that it's not for you! Each couple is different and you shouldn't have to feel like you 'have' to have kids just because you are married.

SoonT00beMrsC Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:48 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Dr Meg Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:51 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Celeste617

Posted by Dr Meg

You and your FH sound exactly like me and mine. It isn't that we don't like kids; we are both very active in our niece and nephew's lives, they just aren't for us.
And I agree with you, it is very frustrating that people can't understand that we don't want kids. We once had an hour long convo with one of FH's Aunt's about our reasoning, and at the end of it all she was like 'oh you'll change your mind.'

OMG the 'you'll change your mind' comment This would be FMIL and my grandmother! We just say OK! Especially with grandma - I definitely don't want to pi$$ that lady off!

Haha, my FMIL makes comments every once in a while too (and she knows we don't want any). She already has 9 grandchildren I don't know why she needs more. My Mom doesn't make a big deal about it at all which is nice.

gina409 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 11:53 AM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Margarita

Honestly, I don't think it's selfish at all and I applaud you! What is selfish is people who have children and still come and go as they please! I want children but to each his own.

i couldnt agree more...i have a sister who has 4 kids and one who has none..and they both like it the way it is..nothing selfish bout either way...

italgal Posted: Apr 27, 2009 12:02 PM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by Dr Meg

Posted by Celeste617

FH and I feel the same way. We love kids and have fun with them, but it's nice to say goodbye at the end of the day. We are both very career oriented and also feel like we have only just begun to really enjoy our lives. We'd like to be able to come and go as we please - maybe it's a little bit selfish, but it's still how we feel. You should see the faces we get when we tell people that children are not high on our priority list! I say maybe I'll feel different a few years from now (I'm almost 31 so I have a little time) - my clock is definitely not ticking!

You and your FH sound exactly like me and mine. It isn't that we don't like kids; we are both very active in our niece and nephew's lives, they just aren't for us.
And I agree with you, it is very frustrating that people can't understand that we don't want kids. We once had an hour long convo with one of FH's Aunt's about our reasoning, and at the end of it all she was like 'oh you'll change your mind.'

NO WAY, NO HOW, NEVER! We do not want kids & we will NEVER change our minds.FH and I are selfish & we admit it! We like doing what we want, when we want, for as long as we want.........as often as we want. Unless you want your kids gaged,tied up & stashed in the wood shed......DON'T ASK US TO BABYSIT EITHER! For all of those out there that love kids, you have our blessing. May your brood be healthy, happy, smart & successful. May they live long lives & take care of you in your old age. As for us we'll pass.......screeming little $h!t machines are not for us thank you. SELFISH, ABSOLUTLY..........and smart enough to know kids are not in the plan......NEVER!

Celeste617 Posted: Apr 27, 2009 02:52 PM

Re: It just confirms it for FH and I

Posted by VeggieBride

some people just aren't meant to be parents, ya know?

FH and I are DEFINITELY not the type of people.

I think other people's kids are great, dont get me wrong. Its just not for me.

People i work with always ask me when we plan on having kids and when I tell them we aren't they always harass me about why we are even getting married. Sorry, i didnt think it was mandatory to have kids to get married!

Oh yea, I'm definitely getting this the closer we get to the wedding. WHY are we getting married if we don't plan to start a family?! Because I want to make HIM my family!!! And I want to legally vow to love him forever!!! Plus it'll make it harder (and expensive) for him to leave