Brides Helping Brides ™ - It's NWR, but it's FH related..... ***** UPDATE *****

LnP2003 Posted: May 29, 2003 02:42 PM

It's NWR, but it's FH related..... * UPDATE *

OK.. so I went by my dad's gas station to show him the proofs of the invite, and my dad & I were talking, and he dropped a small bomb on me.... I have always had a problem with FH being 'lazy' at times.... Now, don't get me wrong, when he works, he works very hard, but like today for instance, rather, last night... He got a stomachache, and didn't go into work today cuz he had cramping???

Pete tends to call in sick very easily, and slack of just cuz he doesn't wanna.... I don't know how to approach him on this one or if I even should...

Help me my therapists!

MarcellaBella Posted: May 29, 2003 02:44 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

perhaps laziness isn't the problem? Maybe he is unhappy in what he is doing Lisa? I would slack off too if I hated my job..

I would approach it that way.. You don't want it to come off like you're telling him he's lazy, you know?

nrvbrd Posted: May 29, 2003 02:47 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

You defintely need to approach him on this. From now on his actions affect BOTH of you.

I am going through a similar problem with my FH. He HATES his job now. He and his boss are always butting heads. His work is suffering as a result of this. He is not motivated or focused. I am afraid that he is going to curse her out and get fired. I tell him on a daily basis that until he finds another job he needs to make the best of this and put his best foot forward. He keeps telling me that I do not understand, but I am not going to understand him being unemployed because of his stupidity.

You need to set him straight now and not later.

MrsTC Posted: May 29, 2003 02:48 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

Just to clarify, he works with your Dad?

I would confront him in a nice way....my FH used to do that a lot but he wasn't motivated at his job. At his new job, which he really likes, he even went in with a 100 degree fever and bronchitis - (he came home at 10 am LOL but you get my drift). It's all psychological....

LnP2003 Posted: May 29, 2003 02:48 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

Cella I know... but it's not this job... It's all his jobs.

Example - my dad - God bless him - is a dying breed.... we were upstate this weekend, playing around on the quads.... anyway, dad flipped his, crushed his ribs, cut himself all over his head, and was fine in the long run, but now his body is hurting A LOT, but he is still at work!

I can guarantee you that if this was Pete, he would sooooooooo be out of work right now.... Help!

Sunny Posted: May 29, 2003 03:09 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

My mom says the sme thing about my fh. I wish I could tell you what to do- if you find out let me know!!

Sage10.03 Posted: May 29, 2003 03:11 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

I would have a problem with this too if I were you....
My Mom instilled in me a very serious work ethic and I never call out and am always here.....and I think it's the reason (actually one of the reasons) I have been able to be successful in my job.

A good work ethic is the difference between keeping and losing your job in a market like this....especially when there are so many people out there that would love to have the same job!

Approach it lightly, he might get offended easily....
What did your dad say about it? He probably is just worried about your future.....

Good Luck!

Lunatrek Posted: May 29, 2003 03:13 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

I'm with Marcella... I always slack off when I am unhappy with my job. But when I love what I do, I can spend 14 hours a day doing it!

I also know a lot of people who are hypochondriacs, or even just have no tolerance for pain or discomfort. Maybe he's like that? He doesn't feel 100%, so to him, it's a real serious situation. Know what I mean? It must be difficult when your father and he are so different. It will take patience and cooperation from both sides.

All the other girls are right, communication is key!!! Talk it out and you can't go wrong! Good luck!

cw0904 Posted: May 29, 2003 03:13 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

Lisa I call in just b/c. My boss calls it the mental health day. She does it once in a blue moon too. But I have the time to do that and I also hate this place. So any reason not to be here is a good reason to me.

But if you feel its something more, then you need to talk to Pete about your feelings. The way the market is and the amount of people unemployed is insane now and well this is my theory: if you don’t do your job and start slacking, someone can replace you. No one will care if I am pregnant, getting married or have 3 kids. Doesn’t matter how comfortable I am in this position. I can get the axe any day with no notice. When you have a family a job is not something to mess with.

MarcellaBella Posted: May 29, 2003 03:14 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

You DEF need to have a talk with him Lisa.. that isn't good.. you need to set things straight now.. what happens when you have kids?

Wendy Posted: May 29, 2003 03:29 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

This is a very serious problem, especially if it is not just this job, but all his jobs. I went through this with my ex husband. I was the hard worker and he would call into work for the smallest thing or for nothing at all (he would lie and say he was sick). He would usually end up getting fired and eventually we ended up with serious financial problems. At one point he did not work for more than 2 years. He just stayed at home and played video games while I went out and worked 2 jobs, and took care of two kids and did everything at home. For this and other reasons he is now my ex!

I wish I had a brilliant piece of advice to offer you with regard to this situation, but I don't. I will say that if he does this all the time it shows a lack of responsibility on his part. Will this carry over to your marriage? Do you want to have to worry all the time about him losing his job?

You are right to be concerned about this. I would ask. It's too important not to.

Scoop Posted: May 29, 2003 03:33 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

My brother used to work for my dad and he absolutely hated the business. (waking up early, working long hours and on weekends, etc). He always slacked off. He went back to school 10 years later and became a teacher. He won teacher of the year two years in a row and loves it. He is also a dean and works with troubled kids. He enjoys his work so much.

Maybe, you can can help him figure out what he wants to do with his life and help him focus on doing something that will make him and you happy.

Good luck!

LnP2003 Posted: May 29, 2003 03:57 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

thank you ladies....

just to clarify a little - i have those very hard work ethics as well... i will work 7 days a week & have in the past if the $$$ is in that kind of need. however, pete took this job recently & he likes it, and was complaining that it's a 6 day work week! i used to work 12 hour days 6 days a week when i was 13!!!!!!! i just spoke with him a little while ago, and he is feeling very ill - it may be a stomach virus... but i'm still concerned....

curly2003 Posted: May 29, 2003 04:18 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

COMMUNICATION Lisa. Very important. Get it now before the kids come and bills starts piling up. Sit him down and have a one-on-obe about your concerns.

Sage10.03 Posted: May 29, 2003 04:21 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

Lisa - I have to tell you (and I didn't say it my last post) that I grew up with a father like this....
This is the reason we are not close and why my Mom left him.

They lost their house 2x because he got laid off and just was too lazy to find a good job and when he did have one, he called out so often they finally fired him!

I know from my perspective that I have NO RESPECT for my dad (sad, I know) and you don't want that to happen to you, your kids, or your FH.

TALK TO HIM!

NuBride Posted: May 29, 2003 04:36 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

If this isn't a RED FLAG, I don't know what is....at least you recognize it and it's important that it changes BEFORE you walk down the isle.

'THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR'

-Dr.Phil

Please live by this and good luck!!

LnP2003 Posted: Jun 12, 2003 08:15 PM

Re: It's not NWR, but it's FH related.....

***************** UPDATE **************

So, all the stress of everything finally got to me yesterday. I freaked, lost it, then broke down.

I think I scared him more than he's ever been scared in his entire life... He was so concerned that I was ending the relationship with him. I told him that it wasn't the relationship that I was even having the notion of ending, but that I was scared that we were not going to make it...

GOOD NEWS....

not only has he promised me that he's so gonna be on the ball, but he has already started acting on it. he's going back to work tomorrow - even though he still isn't fully healed from his recent infection, and he's going to be looking into getting a seconds job for the evenings.... On top of that, one of his GM told him about a job that he's working at that desperately needs workers doing high end security work and he's going to apply for the job!

I have never felt better and more secure about us, and he is really trying to prove himself not only to me, but to my family as well!