Jewish Death etiquite question

WeddingsRock Posted: Mar 12, 2005 10:18 PM

Jewish Death etiquite question

I have never been to a Jewish 'funeral' Do you send a sympathy card? Flowers? Fruit Basket?

The woman who died is a friend of my dh's family. What should we do? Do we go to Shiva?

I am very lost here....HELP!!!!!

prncssrachel Posted: Mar 12, 2005 10:39 PM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

I would send a food basket, unless they are asking for donations instead. I would definitely go and sit shiva.

Goldi1021 Posted: Mar 12, 2005 11:05 PM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

I am Jewish. We do not send/display flowers. If donations are to be made, the family will specify the charity or organization. Food is preferred so the mourners do not have to cook. You should however find out if the family keeps a kosher home. Some choose to send deli platters, or appetizer (salmon, whitefish) and bagels. You can also send fruit(fruit is always kosher). Some people may find a synogogue and have a tree planted in Israel in memory of the deceased person. What ever you do , I am sure the gesture will be appreciated.

And yes, Shiva is open to everyone. Just make sure you find out how many days the people are sitting for. Not evryone sits for 7 days and they do not sit on Shabbat - Friday night to Saturday night.

Jax430 Posted: Mar 13, 2005 01:04 AM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

Posted by Goldi1021

I am Jewish. We do not send/display flowers. If donations are to be made, the family will specify the charity or organization. Food is preferred so the mourners do not have to cook. You should however find out if the family keeps a kosher home. Some choose to send deli platters, or appetizer (salmon, whitefish) and bagels. You can also send fruit(fruit is always kosher). Some people may find a synogogue and have a tree planted in Israel in memory of the deceased person. What ever you do , I am sure the gesture will be appreciated.

And yes, Shiva is open to everyone. Just make sure you find out how many days the people are sitting for. Not evryone sits for 7 days and they do not sit on Shabbat - Friday night to Saturday night.

I think that's the perfect answer...

Samanthas Mom Posted: Mar 13, 2005 02:54 AM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

I wouldnt send a symphany card, but you can donate or send fruit basket, both are common

frosty Posted: Mar 13, 2005 08:14 AM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

When my MOH's mother passed away a couple of years ago, I paid to have a memorial tree planted in Israel. A certificate was sent to the family.

WeddingsRock Posted: Mar 13, 2005 08:51 AM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

Thanks so very much for your responses! I know the Ladies of LIW would come through!

HillandRon Posted: Mar 13, 2005 09:45 AM

Re: Jewish Death etiquite question

i would go to the funeral if they have a service ( not to the gravesite usually for immediate family
) and then go and pay a shiva call. If this is a very close family friend then maybe I would send a platter however bringing a piece of coffee cake or a pound of cookies or rugulah is more than sufficient. NO FLOWERS