Joke of the Day
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, 'Put those on.'
The bride replies, 'I can't wear your trousers.'
He replies, 'And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!'
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, 'Try those on!'
He replies,'I can't get into your knickers!'
'And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude.'
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say '**** YOU'
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, 'Put those on.'
The bride replies, 'I can't wear your trousers.'
He replies, 'And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!'
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, 'Try those on!'
He replies,'I can't get into your knickers!'
'And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude.'
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say '**** YOU'
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
