JOTD 12/11

Joke: Care To Go Upstairs?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

'Care to go upstairs and do it?' the husband asked.

'Shh!' said the bride 'All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?'

So, the following night, the husband asks, 'I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?'

'No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, 'I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?'

'No, thanks,' said the husband. 'It was only a small load so I did it by hand.'

Joke:Mommy Almost Died
One day this little girl's dad came home and she runs up to him.

'Daddy, the cat died today!'

'Well, darling,' said the dad. 'That's just something that happens.'

'But why are his arms and legs up in the air?'

'Well, darling, that's just something they do.' She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.

'Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!'

'What are you talking about?'

'I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman tring to revive her she would have died.'

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed,

you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... .You know what?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck, get the f*ck away from me.'

Where do you get these from? There hysterical!

you guys are way too funny!

those are hilarious!!

....very funny!

too cute!!!!