JOTD =)
Too much speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But, officer,' the man began, 'I can explain'
'Just be quiet,' snapped the officer. 'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it,' answered the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
'You know, dear,' she says, 'I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.' She turns to her husband and says, 'Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.'
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, 'Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.'
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, 'Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
'But, officer,' the man began, 'I can explain'
'Just be quiet,' snapped the officer. 'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.'
'But, officer, I just wanted to say'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'Don't count on it,' answered the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
'You know, dear,' she says, 'I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.' She turns to her husband and says, 'Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.'
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, 'Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.
'Honey,' she signs, 'Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.'
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, 'Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.
