JOTD for TGIF =)
Lucky Escape?
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our nuptuals. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!'
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A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, 'How was your honeymoon, dear?' 'Oh, mama!' she replied, 'The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic...' But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said 'but, mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!'
'Darling, darling,' her mother said, 'calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?' And, the daughter cried 'please don't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!'
'Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible 4-letter words!' Still sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, mama... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!'
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One day while a wife was working in her kitchen, a cupboard door came loose and when her husband got home, she asked him to fix it. He told her, 'Do you see the word 'carpenter' written anywhere on this shirt?' She said 'no,' and he went on his way.
The next day while cleaning in the basement, she found the light didn't work. She changed the light bulb and did everything that she could to try to fix it, but it still wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she asked him, 'Honey, do you think you could fix the light in the basement for me?' He simply said, 'Do you see the word 'electrician' written anywhere on this shirt?' She said 'No,' and he went into the living room to relax.
The next day, a pipe in the kitchen began leaking. When her husband got home, she asked him to fix it for her, to which he replied, 'No, do you see the word 'plumber' written anywhere on my shirt?' 'No,' she said, again.
The next day, the husband returned from work and saw that everything was fixed - the pipe, the light, and even the cupboard! He asked her, 'Who fixed all of this?' To which she replied, 'I asked the neighbor to come over and help, and he gladly agreed.'
'Well, how did you repay him for his services?' he asked. 'Well,' she replied, 'he only asked for sex, or cookies.' The husband thought a moment then said 'So what kind of cookies did you bake him?' The wife quickly snapped back, 'do you see 'Betty Crocker' written anywhere on this shirt?'
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Wedding Present - Kindly sent in by JC.
I would like to thank you all for coming here today to celebrate my daughter's wedding. Just for your information the seating arrangement has been specially organised with all of the people that bought large presents being placed towards the front and those that bought cheaper smaller presents at the back. (Pause)
There is a special thanks for uncle Fred who is at the back for the oven glove. (Pause)
The bride would like to ask uncle Fred if she could have the other glove for their Silver Wedding Anniversary.
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Enjoy..... Share if u got more!!!
