Just hear me out. MOH/BM duties-or none at all!

Ok.

First off, I want to be very clear that I don't mean ANY disrespect with this post. Im genuinely curious about what people are doing. Don't read something there that's not :)

With that said

I have been reading a LOT on this board about how ladies are so angry with the MOH or BM's for not doing what the bride needs. They haven't helped, or done anything for the wedding. I have read where people have said they are making a list of duties that all their girls need to do.

????????

Ok, I honestly would like to know the kind of stuff you guys are asking your BP to do. My requirements are be there, support me, and have a great time. I did pick a MOH who I know will throw me a shower. I just knew it was something she would want to do, plus she is one of my oldest friends. I asked her to come dress shopping because I wanted to share the experience with her. I will ask her to come with me to a fitting so she knows how to bustle my dress.

And I DO get that you ladies have been dealing with a lot of slackers. This post is not about the B**tches who are being A holes, stealing ideas, ignoring you, not ordering dresses and just being nasty queen B's.

But for me everything is enjoyable, and fun, and about being friends.

I dont need help with favors, or decorating. Maybe I might need help stuffing envelopes if she can.

So what are you guys asking your MOH/BM to do to help you with the wedding.

Again, dont take this post the wrong way. I just want to know what you guys are doing.

Honestly, I'm not really asking them to do anything. All I'm asking is that they get their shiz together on a timely basis, such as order the dresses and get measured, and my only diva demands are that they all wear flat shoes, no boobs hanging out, and I'd strongly prefer if they didn't have the exact said hair style as me. As far as Bachelorette party, I really don't even care if I have one, and my mother is taking care of the shower. The only person I'm kind of torturing is my younger sister/one of my MOHs, because she's the only one that lives in the house with me, and she's my graphic artist so I NEED her to actually do things for me like creating signs, tags, inserts, etc.

Other than that, it's pretty much show up to all events, on time, and don't act like a beech. I have one BM who is very rude in the things she says sometimes, so I do have to be a little more strict with her, but other than that I don't think I've been very unreasonable at all.

i know what you're saying.. and i like you.. didn't ask my bm's to do anything. my moh was my man of honor bff and we did a lot of planning together and he came with me to register, shop, etc.. one bm was my sister and she came with me to dress shop but that's about it. i didn't give out jobs or responsibilities and had no problems.

i see so many posts about moh's and bm's f-ing girls over and it makes me so sad. sometimes people get jealous and don't help/avoid brides/etc.. i didn't expect anyone to do anything and i'm a control freak anyways.

I'm not asking my bm's for any type of help. I asked them to go to look at bm dresses with me and the ones who could did. We still haven't picked out the dresses because i'm waiting my sis (moh) to make up her mind. Once she does I will ask the girls for their size and order them. One of my bm's suggested a bachelorette party trip so i let the girls know to see who could come. Other then that, i just ask that they attend the rehearsal at church and be on time for the day of.

I'm not specifically asking my BMs/MOH to do anything. I did have everyone get together one weekend to order dresses but so far that is it. My Mom and MOH (sister) are planning my shower and I think they have asked the girls to help where they can (like plan games, etc). I am having someone do hair and makeup but I gave each girl the option of getting it done or not. Some are some aren't, not a big deal to me. The only other thing that I want is for them to all wear the same shoes. Their dress is tea length so all of their shoes will show. They sort of actually suggested they all wear the same shoes.
I believe my Mom and MOH are planning the bachelorette party as well, with input from the girls.
And to add, I guess my BMs have been pretty great. A few of the girls have offered to help with things like stuffing envelopes and making programs and I will take them up on that. Two of them also flew in from out of state to go dress shopping with me. I didn't ask, they offered.

I only asked my two girls to order the same dresses. I'm not even asking them to wear the same shoes.

Neither lives anywhere near here (boston and NC) and it's just impossible for me to ask for more from either of them. So I'm doing most of it myself. My MOH was here last weekend and helped me out with my card box which was awesome, and she's expressed interest in making a ring bearer pillow for me.

But otherwise, I'm not asking anyone to do anything. This is mine and FH's day.

Sometimes I wish I had more people around to help me out but it's ok either way. No disrespect to those who are lucky enough to have friends and family local to really help, but it's ok not to, IMO.

I haven't asked them to do anything. I have invited them to things so they feel included (i.e. if you want to come with me when I order my dress, if you want to come hear the band, etc.), but nothing is mandatory, and I just want them to feel included.

I do think I'd like help putting the invitations in envelopes, etc., when that time comes.

I do hope they will all participate in planning the shower and bachelorette.

But most of the planning has been me and my amazing mother.

I don't think I asked too much of my BP, and what I did ask was positively IGNORED!!!!!

My MOH is the one who has tried to wrangle the troops, and she's done what she can, but stubborn thick headed people are gonna do what they do and no one can help it.

I asked that people come to events, I had an initial bridesmaid luncheon last year to get everyone acquainted and mingle a little bit, 2 bm's decided they were busy (his sisters), 1 bm was legitimately sick and the other was 'off somewhere', I refer to her on here as my rogue bridesmaid. This same rogue didn't come to our e-party, nor my shower, nor will she be at the bachelorette party, NOR THE RD...so what is the point.....and the point of my little vent is this, I ask my BM's to order their dresses when the time came, show up to events, and in the instances when I email them, message me back so I know you got it and we're all on the same page......4 PEOPLE OUT OF 9 HAVE DONE THAT...My fabulous cousins, my BM who, although she lives 200 miles away, is ALWAYS there, and my always amazing MOH.....People ask me the same questions time and time again and I wish I would have had only 4 people in the bridal party, I'm tried of running after people, I'm tired of repeating myself and I'm tired of having to remind people of Sh!t they should be doing!!!!!!!!!! Rant Over....

I have asked 2 things of my bridesmaids. Get measured and show up to wedding on time.

My mom is making their dresses so they don't even have to worry about ordering them. I'd say it's pretty easy for them.

I expect my BM/MOHs to:

- support me and FH 100%
- help me whenever and however they can...even if its a simple thing
- wear their dresses the entire reception (2 of my 5 BMs thought they were able to change dresses after the ceremony)
- stand next to me while i marry my best friend

I think it would be nice if (but do not expect):

- they help plan my bridal shower/ bach parties
- get similar shoes
- look really special for my pictures


im not needy and i certainly dont expect much...

i think when you see posts that are aimed towards sh!tty MOHs/BMs you are seeing emotionless beeotches who could give two poops about the special person who asked them to be there as she gets married....and not so much that she didnt do what she was 'supposed' to do

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Posted by ddnsp618

I expect my BM/MOHs to:

- support me and FH 100%
- help me whenever and however they can...even if its a simple thing
- wear their dresses the entire reception (2 of my 5 BMs thought they were able to change dresses after the ceremony)
- stand next to me while i marry my best friend

I think it would be nice if (but do not expect):

- they help plan my bridal shower/ bach parties
- get similar shoes
- look really special for my pictures


im not needy and i certainly dont expect much...

i think when you see posts that are aimed towards sh!tty MOHs/BMs you are seeing emotionless beeotches who could give two poops about the special person who asked them to be there as she gets married....and not so much that she didnt do what she was 'supposed' to do

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Where did they get this idea of changing dresses? I never heard of such a thing, and TWO thought they could? Ha.

I do have expectations of my Bridal party and that's because I am going out of my way to make this as affordable or free as possible and I am asking for their assistance in return. I'm always bouncing ideas off of people and have asked some to attend my final gown selection, cake tasting ect.


what I've done:
Paid for dresses
Will pay for hotel the evening before the wedding
Will pay for make-up
Will pay for hair
Hired a photog for my shower so no one would have to do this
My Mom and I are paying for the shower

I expect them to:
1) Wear their dresses and pay for any alterations
2) obtain silver shoes to their liking
3) Plan shower games
4) Greet people at shower and assist with opening gifts/video taping
5) show up on time to the shower, rehearsal and wedding.
6) plan a bachelorette party

I get TONS of help from FMIL so I don't need any help with favors/stuffing envelopes or crafts, I can always count on her.

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Posted by Tracey1979

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Posted by ddnsp618

I expect my BM/MOHs to:

- support me and FH 100%
- help me whenever and however they can...even if its a simple thing
- wear their dresses the entire reception (2 of my 5 BMs thought they were able to change dresses after the ceremony)
- stand next to me while i marry my best friend

I think it would be nice if (but do not expect):

- they help plan my bridal shower/ bach parties
- get similar shoes
- look really special for my pictures


im not needy and i certainly dont expect much...

i think when you see posts that are aimed towards sh!tty MOHs/BMs you are seeing emotionless beeotches who could give two poops about the special person who asked them to be there as she gets married....and not so much that she didnt do what she was 'supposed' to do

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Where did they get this idea of changing dresses? I never heard of such a thing, and TWO thought they could? Ha.

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yea my little sister (shes 18) thought she could change into something different for the reception...and my MOH too...im like, yea....not going to happen.

I didn't really ASK for anything although I will say a few of my BMs went above and beyond to help me out!

I gotta say though.. (and feel free to call me a Bridezilla.. I am 10 days away and totally losing it!!) I think I would be pretty hurt if none of my BMs helped me or at least cared enough to make the attempt to help me in the wedding planning process. I chose people who are my best friends in this world and I would think as a friend (if not as a BM!) you would want to help one of your closest friends plan the most important day of her life! I dunno.. That's just my two cents on the topic!

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Posted by coldasice217

Honestly, I'm not really asking them to do anything. All I'm asking is that they get their shiz together on a timely basis, such as order the dresses and get measured, and my only diva demands are that they all wear flat shoes, no boobs hanging out, and I'd strongly prefer if they didn't have the exact said hair style as me. As far as Bachelorette party, I really don't even care if I have one, and my mother is taking care of the shower. The only person I'm kind of torturing is my younger sister/one of my MOHs, because she's the only one that lives in the house with me, and she's my graphic artist so I NEED her to actually do things for me like creating signs, tags, inserts, etc.

Other than that, it's pretty much show up to all events, on time, and don't act like a beech. I have one BM who is very rude in the things she says sometimes, so I do have to be a little more strict with her, but other than that I don't think I've been very unreasonable at all.

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Basically me too.. and some of them cant even botherend to do that! I had 2 BMs that couldnt come to the store to order or pick up their dress so I had to do that for them and then bring it to them My other BM was preggers throughout and just had her baby this month, so I havent asked her much.. so the only ones are my sis (MOH) and my poor mom who helps me do all my DIY stuff lol

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I haven't asked my BMs/MOH to do to much other than the basics (i.e. plan the bachelorette parties and shower like they're supposed to and get their dresses). I even told them that they don't need to get their make-up professionally done if they don't want to, but I'd like their hair professionally done. With that said though, I have 3 beautiful BMs/MOH who always look beautiful when they do their own make-up so there really aren't any worries for me with anyone looking too wild or crazy. I guess kind of the same requests. No one to have the exact same hair style or wear red lipstick like I am. Other than that, I don't really care. I actually didn't want them to come dress shopping with me, only my mom (although I had my BM come with me once when I was almost done with the process and had an idea of the dress I was getting). Reason being, my mom and I have the exact same taste and while I love my BMs/MOH style they're each a little different than mine and I wanted something that was purely my vision on the big day. I felt like it would be rude to invite them along and then argue with their opinion on every dress, you know? As for picking the BM dresses I went with my MOH who's style is closest to mine and really meshed our two styles. I asked her with every dress what she liked or disliked. I felt like she had to buy it so she'd better love it. That's it really! I'm not asking them to do any craft projects. I'm way too controlling for that and don't want to lose any friends, LOL.

I'm guessing some girls (especially brides with REALLY large weddings), probably need more help with the smaller details and craft projects. I think it's great that we don't have to burden our BMs/MOH with little tasks, but it's certainly appropriate to delegate tasks if you need the help.