Just need to vent

Just need to vent

Okay, I'm having a horrible day. I just got back from a 2 day trip for work and had 1 hour to see my fiance before he went to school till 11pm (I'll be asleep). We got into a big fight. We seem to fight a lot lately, more than ever before. It was about our finances or lack of. It was a bad month for us and we don't even have enough cash to pay our rent and I don't get paid again until the 8th. We have a small emergency bank account and he keeps dipping into it. He spent over $120 at Best Buy on DVD's and can't understand why I'm upset. This has been an ongoing issue in our relationship for the past couple of years. I have to be the resposible one and save and budget my money. I never get to buy myself anything but he always spends his money on stupid things, DVD's, action figures or video games. He can't save a dime. It seems like we have completely different priorites. I feel like giving up on planning a wedding for 2008. We only have $475 saved (all my doing). So we got into a huge argument and we're not talking. I have school tomorrow and I won't see him and them Friday I have to go away on a 3 day trip for work. It always seems like the same issues and I feel so miserable lately.

Re: Just need to vent

Re: Just need to vent

I'm so sorry. Vent away.

Re: Just need to vent

I'm so sorry you are having this argument with your FI, especially since your schedules don't seem to connect enough to have a calm discussion. Feeling tired and rushed doesn't help. Hopefully when you can find some time together you can talk out some of these issues. Money management is a BIG concern when you're planning your life together.

Trying not to sound too much like a mom who's been married a looong time but it's important to find a common ground where you both can agree/compromise on spending and saving. It should not be all you doing the saving. But maybe he needs to have more say in the wedding expenses too?

I'm sure many of the girls have experience and opinions on this. But meantime, try not to be too sad, and I hope you get to have a good talk soon!

Re: Just need to vent

Sorry to hear that Maureen

I say, call him and schedule a time for you and him to sit down and have a serious talk about this. Let him know that you're serious! Express how you feel, what you see going on and how frustrating it is and I'm sure he'll understand.

As a result of the discussion, try to come up with a spending budget or an agreement on how you're going to save.

I don't know too much about investing yet, but my fiance and I plan to meet with an investment advisor next month. Maybe the pair of you can start some sort of short term investment... that way you'll be bound to make small payments to your fund every so often (whatever you can afford) and no one will be able to touch it until the date you set before the wedding to retrieve your earnings. I'm not exactly sure how it works but... that might be a good option for you.

Don't forget to set a BIT aside for leisure things with each other though... enjoy your engagement!

I wish you the best!

Re: Just need to vent

Thanks everyone for listening and for the advice. I felt better just after writing it down. We do have to schedule a sit down talk to work out the finances. I will admit that I do compound the problem by losing my temper and the it just becomes a defensive battle. I have to try to calmly discuss this with him. It's just hard when it's the same problem and nothing has changed for at least the past 2 years of discussing it. I also think we should postpone wedding planning until maybe 2009. or maybe we can find a cheaper alternative. I just want my day to be everything I've dreamed and I don't want to have a cheesy wedding that I'm going to always regret because I couldn't afford it.

Re: Just need to vent

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Posted by MaureenM618

Thanks everyone for listening and for the advice. I felt better just after writing it down. We do have to schedule a sit down talk to work out the finances. I will admit that I do compound the problem by losing my temper and the it just becomes a defensive battle. I have to try to calmly discuss this with him. It's just hard when it's the same problem and nothing has changed for at least the past 2 years of discussing it. I also think we should postpone wedding planning until maybe 2009. or maybe we can find a cheaper alternative. I just want my day to be everything I've dreamed and I don't want to have a cheesy wedding that I'm going to always regret because I couldn't afford it.

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I'd definitely talk to him about this stuff but also don't put yourself in a bad spot to pay for the wedding. You can do it on a smaller scale and it won't be cheesy at all, it can be quite beautiful.

I hope things start to look up and you guys can work it out.

Re: Just need to vent

Money can definetly break up a relationship if you cant get on the same page. Im so sorry this has gone on for so long. I do know how you feel I've had the same problem with DH but it seems to be coming around. It's been six years and it's only coming around in the last 2 months. Sometimes it takes alot of patience and work. Good Luck and just know we are always here for the vent

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Thanks again I guess I won't make him sleep on the futon tonight. It's amazing how people you don't even really know can make you feel a lot better.

Re: Just need to vent

My FH is also not the greatest when it comes to saving money. Although frankly, until @ 3 years ago neither was I. What changed for me was having a goal. I wanted to go to Australia, but I had to pay for it. Therefore, I had to find a way to save the money and not spend it - and I did. I just never stopped when I got back from my trip.

These days my goal is my wedding. After that it will be a house and kids, and hopefully by then I will be so conditioned to save, I won't need a goal.

For FH, having the goal of the wedding was big for him, but not enough (I still had to nag a bit). We both agreed on the total cost of the wedding, and calculated how much we spend each month at a minimum, how much extra that left us each per paycheck, and then based on this 'leftover' amount, decided on a number we could bank each paycheck to pay for the wedding. Then we calculate how long it would take us to get the the total cost of the wedding, and that's how we chose our date.

In the beginning I had to bug FH for his contribution to the wedding account. I can happily say that I haven't had to ask him for the money in at least 6 months, nor have I had to wait, nor has he shorted his contribution only to tell me he'll make it up next paycheck. Each payday he now says 'honey I have money for you'

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I did not have a shared account with my FH - I have an account at a credit union and opened up a sub-account as a vacation club account - only I have access to this account and we put all of the money into this sub account for the wedding. You can't withdraw at the ATM - so it is less tempting. Somehow we made it - 4 days to go and it is so sad to see all of the hard earned money now being drained to pay all of the vendors.