just when i think we're passed this...

my mom brings up her disappointment in our decision to not have kids at our wedding. This has caused so much strife between us... so many arguments and I've just felt like cr*p about it. But nearly 2 months ago she promised that she accepted our decision and that she wouldn't make an issue out of it again.

And then tonight, she asks me to reconsider. The thing is - yes, they're my first cousins (her major point) and FH's kids are his 2nd cousins. But he's equally as close to his 2nd as I am to my 1st. Arggh. One fam. can't come, so it's only coming down to 3 kids. Ages 13, 10 and 4.

I feel like cr*p again... b/c I'm a nice person and my mom is too.... she and my dad are just so stuck on this and I feel terrible.

Sorry, just had to vent.

may i ask why you decided not to allow kids?

Well, for 3 reasons. First, our wedding is 7pm-1am in Nassau County (we all live in Suffolk) and we thought it was just too late for kids.

Second, we thought it would be a nice romantic night for people... almost like everyone's on a date at our wedding.

And third, we thought we'd have all kids or no kids. FH has approx. 20 kids on his side (that have been known to just be crazy at family gatherings!!!!!!) and I have 6 (one fam with 3 kids can't go - we just found out).

I don't know...maybe we should reconsider. FH says he's not inviting his fam. with kids and that they just don't bring kids to weddings in his family. But that whatever I need to do for my fam...

this is a toughy and i'm sorry that you have to deal with it.

we wanted kids at our wedding...so the rule we made was if you are coming from out of state - you bring your kids.... would that help? are any of your people from out of state??

haha unfortunately no. all the people are from LI and a few of FH's older relatives are from Italy.

But thanks... I appreciate the help!

do whatever YOU really want. i personally think you should treat both sides equally, but you need to do what you want, not what other people want.

We are having kids, but only because there are so few. my first cousins are 8, 15, 17, 17 and 20, very well behaved and we are very close. i think 2 other 'kids' are invited -- one cousin is 18 (i still think of her as a kid!) and one is 8 (i think?) and the daughter of my mom's close friend who lives in TX. They probably won't come, but she is welcome if they do make the trip.

There are a few extended relatives who are not being invited with their kids, but I dont think they really would expect to. No young kids on either side (i wish we did so we could have a RB or FG) and none of our friends have kids, so I'm hoping we can sidestep this one. We'll probably have our hands full with the whole 'singles arent invited + guest' thing.

i dont think having 3 kids invited will be the end of the world, but you know the people best and you dont want to be stressing on your big day. people will get over it.

You will figure it all out!

aww....welcome to my most recent nightmare...moms always have a way of getting to us don't they? It's your day and you and FH have to live with your decisions...no one else...not mom, dad, sis, friend twice removed...no one...people that love you will respect your decision and will come and leave their kids with a sitter...if not they won't come and hey...oh well

I had to take that attitude because you can't please everyone...I am learning that...

hang in there...a couple more months and you will be a married woman!

your vision is a good one....a nice grown up party. I feel the same way, and I bet people will enjoy it. If people are from out of town they can still hire a baby-sitter at the hotel. People do it all the time. I realize some people have a tough time being away from the kids, but for my 2C, stick to your guns.
If you were having a normal party on a Saturday night, nobody would dare bring kids.

i would say do what would make you happy. we are not having any children at ours because i dont want running around or crying or screaming...thats just me cause lets be real some people dont know how to control their kids. i see it everytime in stores and where i work. i would go nuts god forbid they are running around and knock say the cake over or something that would be just my luck. lol but if it would make you and your fh happy then do it. and if you both agree you dont want then dont do it. its about you and your fh and what you want to do. good luck

I just don't get it - why would you want to bring ur kid to a wedding especially if it ends at 1? Are you dumb???? Do you not realize that the kid is going to CRY throw a huge hissy fit being tired (do not blame the kid i mean what kid stays up till 1 if your under 12).

I had three kids at my wedding and it lasted till 10 and my niece and nephew were done at that point and the little baby that was uninvented but showed up was fine - the exception. He slept through the music and all so i give it up to him.

I would explain that to your perents and say guess what - not invited shut up and go away. I said that to my parents and threw it back in their face your not paying for it therefore my husband and i plan it and decide who is going and who is not going.