keys to a happy marriage
Published: August 11, 2011 3:00 a.m.
Keys to a happy marriage
Support important, area couple says
Jaclyn Youhana | The Journal Gazette
The secret to a lasting relationship might be as valuable as discovering the fountain of youth. After all, studies show happily married people tend to have lower blood pressure and less depression. They live longer and report being happier than their single counterparts.
The Kinsey Institute released some new findings last month to try and pinpoint important ingredients to stay happy in a marriage. The piece that most surprised researchers was a reversal in the assumed gender preferences: Tenderness is important, but more so to men than women. Being sexually satisfied is important, but women reported being more satisfied with that aspect of their relationship. In terms of general happiness, men reported being more happy than women.
“So much of our research is about problems and all the terrible things that can go on, and it’s nice to have a little insight into good long-term marriages and relationships,” says Jennifer Bass, director of communications for the Kinsey Institute.
She was quick to point out that men and women’s priorities didn’t necessarily differ, and most respondents did report high levels of happiness – the surprise was in the nuances.
“I think we don’t give men enough credit for also needing contact and physical intimacy that is not necessarily sexual,” she says. “Perhaps it really stood out because those men who have that in their relationship really value it.”
Judi and Dan Wire of Fort Wayne have been married for 31 years. They appear to be happily married, and it becomes obvious if one stops and considers their interactions: There is a lot of smiling. They turn to each other when stumped or in search of a way to word a particular thought. They are at ease with each other and they tease in that “I love you” way.
So do they have a happy relationship?
Judi turns to grin at Dan and put her hand on his leg.
“Most of the time,” she says. “I wouldn’t trade him in. Haven’t found anybody else that looks as good or is as good.”
Using their three decades of experience, the couple share some tips they have used to achieve a long-lasting relationship.
Kick your kids out
OK, not really. Raise your kids. Do right by them. But then, be happy they’re grown.
“Things are toughest when you have kids,” says Judi, 60, because you’re needing to be on such a tight schedule. “Just having children puts a different stress on you.”
Want to stay out and play a little longer? Too bad. Gotta go home and make dinner. These days, it’s not unusual for the Wires, who have two grown sons, to grab dinner at 11 p.m.
“I think I’m enjoying the flexibility” of having grown children,” says Dan, 57. “That has brought about an amazing, sort of easy feeling.”
Play together
Neither of the Wires watches much television, and they don’t really play sports. No, for Dan and Judi, the fun-of-choice is had on the water.
“I see it as a priority that I support Dan in his efforts on the river,” she says. Cleaning and playing on the rivers “has become a focus throughout our lives.” At the recent RiverFest, held at IPFW and meant to raise awareness about the city’s rivers, Dan and Judi ran the boat rides. They showed up early, about 8 a.m. By 6 p.m., Judi was ready to go home. She was tired. She was hot.
She still had six hours to go. She stuck with it – because it was important to her husband.
On a recent Saturday, the two worked at an event celebrating William Wells on Wells Street, in part because Judi’s glass business, Great Panes, is located on Wells Street.
Their relationship is not one partner being involved in the community while the other sits at home – it’s two people working together on something they care about.
Giving in
“I think you need to be willing to give 98 percent,” Judi says. “You gotta think about the other person even more than you do your own self. You can’t expect it to all go your way.”
She brings up a silly example, but something a newlywed couple could face: laundry.
“Years ago, when we were first married, Dan folded bath towels differently than I did,” she says. “He didn’t like the way I did it.”
She started to adopt his way of folding.
“And that made all the difference in the world,” Dan says, mostly kidding.
“It made you so happy,” she says, grinning at her husband.
Similarly, Dan changed the way he sails because of his wife.
Left to his own devices, Dan would sail into the wind. Choppy water is an exciting challenge, and his excursions can last days or weeks.
“It was years before I finally paid enough attention to realize (Judi) was white-knuckled and holding on for dear life,” Dan says.
So when the two sail together and a huge wind picks up, Dan will change course to keep from terrifying his wife.
[email protected]
Keys to a happy marriage
Support important, area couple says
Jaclyn Youhana | The Journal Gazette
The secret to a lasting relationship might be as valuable as discovering the fountain of youth. After all, studies show happily married people tend to have lower blood pressure and less depression. They live longer and report being happier than their single counterparts.
The Kinsey Institute released some new findings last month to try and pinpoint important ingredients to stay happy in a marriage. The piece that most surprised researchers was a reversal in the assumed gender preferences: Tenderness is important, but more so to men than women. Being sexually satisfied is important, but women reported being more satisfied with that aspect of their relationship. In terms of general happiness, men reported being more happy than women.
“So much of our research is about problems and all the terrible things that can go on, and it’s nice to have a little insight into good long-term marriages and relationships,” says Jennifer Bass, director of communications for the Kinsey Institute.
She was quick to point out that men and women’s priorities didn’t necessarily differ, and most respondents did report high levels of happiness – the surprise was in the nuances.
“I think we don’t give men enough credit for also needing contact and physical intimacy that is not necessarily sexual,” she says. “Perhaps it really stood out because those men who have that in their relationship really value it.”
Judi and Dan Wire of Fort Wayne have been married for 31 years. They appear to be happily married, and it becomes obvious if one stops and considers their interactions: There is a lot of smiling. They turn to each other when stumped or in search of a way to word a particular thought. They are at ease with each other and they tease in that “I love you” way.
So do they have a happy relationship?
Judi turns to grin at Dan and put her hand on his leg.
“Most of the time,” she says. “I wouldn’t trade him in. Haven’t found anybody else that looks as good or is as good.”
Using their three decades of experience, the couple share some tips they have used to achieve a long-lasting relationship.
Kick your kids out
OK, not really. Raise your kids. Do right by them. But then, be happy they’re grown.
“Things are toughest when you have kids,” says Judi, 60, because you’re needing to be on such a tight schedule. “Just having children puts a different stress on you.”
Want to stay out and play a little longer? Too bad. Gotta go home and make dinner. These days, it’s not unusual for the Wires, who have two grown sons, to grab dinner at 11 p.m.
“I think I’m enjoying the flexibility” of having grown children,” says Dan, 57. “That has brought about an amazing, sort of easy feeling.”
Play together
Neither of the Wires watches much television, and they don’t really play sports. No, for Dan and Judi, the fun-of-choice is had on the water.
“I see it as a priority that I support Dan in his efforts on the river,” she says. Cleaning and playing on the rivers “has become a focus throughout our lives.” At the recent RiverFest, held at IPFW and meant to raise awareness about the city’s rivers, Dan and Judi ran the boat rides. They showed up early, about 8 a.m. By 6 p.m., Judi was ready to go home. She was tired. She was hot.
She still had six hours to go. She stuck with it – because it was important to her husband.
On a recent Saturday, the two worked at an event celebrating William Wells on Wells Street, in part because Judi’s glass business, Great Panes, is located on Wells Street.
Their relationship is not one partner being involved in the community while the other sits at home – it’s two people working together on something they care about.
Giving in
“I think you need to be willing to give 98 percent,” Judi says. “You gotta think about the other person even more than you do your own self. You can’t expect it to all go your way.”
She brings up a silly example, but something a newlywed couple could face: laundry.
“Years ago, when we were first married, Dan folded bath towels differently than I did,” she says. “He didn’t like the way I did it.”
She started to adopt his way of folding.
“And that made all the difference in the world,” Dan says, mostly kidding.
“It made you so happy,” she says, grinning at her husband.
Similarly, Dan changed the way he sails because of his wife.
Left to his own devices, Dan would sail into the wind. Choppy water is an exciting challenge, and his excursions can last days or weeks.
“It was years before I finally paid enough attention to realize (Judi) was white-knuckled and holding on for dear life,” Dan says.
So when the two sail together and a huge wind picks up, Dan will change course to keep from terrifying his wife.
[email protected]
