Alright, I need a little help. I'm having my reception at the Harrison House in Glen Cove and am really excited about it but I'm running into a problem with my fiance not understanding why I woudl rather not invite kids to the wedding. He is worried that some of his family will not show up if they can't bring their kids if they can't get babysitters, etc. but I just don't see spending$50/plate for kids and plus, it just kind of changes the feel of the wedding when kids are there. I've had a great time at weddings in the past with kids, but I guess, for me and how I've pictured it, I'd rather not invite all the kids, because that would be over 50 kids which would be slightly chaotic in such a fancy place. Since my parents are paying for the reception, my father said they just couldn't afford having all the kids plus 150 adults so my fiance said me and him could pick up the extra of the kids that come. But I just can't picture our wedding with a lot of kids running around. He said 'fine' but I am worried that if people start saying they arent' coming, he'll blame it on the 'no kids' factor. Anyone who isn't having kids at the wedding, thoughts on the topic? And am I being silly?
LovelyL
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
Your not being silly. We are having the same problem right now, and we need to make a decision very soon. We originally both agreed no children. (We think children running around sort of ruins the formal atmosphere). But I'm now so torn because I really do LOVE kids and some of my OOT guests won't be able to come if they can't bring their children. I want to look into seeing if I can find some kind of babysitter---maybe someone who runs child care out of their home? It's extra hard because I have a Sunday evening wedding.
I'd like to hear what everyone else is doing....
divabride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I dont think your being silly at all. We are following a 'no kids' policy either. With the exception of the children in the bridal party, we are not inviting children. Once our engagement was announced, word spread like wildfire that we were not inviting children. We heard some rumors that a few people were upset. Throughout the months I nonchalantly had conversations with these people and MOST of them changed their tune saying they would enjoy the wedding more knowing they didnt have to supervise their kids.
Thumballina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
We haven't sat down to make an official list yet...but one of the problems I know we're going to have is whether to invite children...FH has over 30 children on his side all under the age of 12...I have four...whom I am very close too...we don't want to insulte anyone on his side if we don't invite the children but I don't want my wedding looking like romper room...some of his relatives have already called to tell us how exicted their children are to be coming to our wedding WHAT!!!!! we haven't planned anything and they're telling their children about it.
We also do not want to pay for all those extra plates...I'm planning on cutting adults that we know bc we trying to keep the number low...I don't think people will say no bc their children weren't invited...they need to understand the situation...if they can't TOUGH...Good Luck
J&S
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
We are going to just have the 2 flower girls (age 1 and 4) and the ring bearer (age 9) they are FH's nieces and nephew. No other kids though. I think we will put adult reception to follow on the invitations.
We decided to make it an adult reception except for my one little cousin. It was an easy decision for us because between the two of us, there arent very many kids at all and I dont want to pay for my boss' kids, etc. We put 'Adult Reception' in small letters on the bottom of the RSVP cards.
DebsNY
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I don't know why some people get so upset... with the exception of when I was in wedding parties, I wasn't invited to a wedding until I was 14, and not again until the past summer when my friends started getting married...
My parents never seemed to have a problem finding a babysitter for me, and were never upset that I wasn't invited, because kids usually aren't...
If it becomes a big issue, maybe you can compromise and only invite kids that are close to you and fh (maybe no more than 10 or so).
I orginally didn't want kids, but we compromised and are only going to have FH's 3 second cousins, and my brother's girlfriend's son (aka, my pseudo nephew).
becks23
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I dont think you are being silly at all. I definitley think having kids at a wedding gives it a totally different atmosphere, and it is really up to you to decide what type of atmosphere you want. FH and I decided that we are not having any kids...I think the youngest person at our wedding will be 15.
eogara
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I agree with you 100%!!!
Unfortunately I lost that fight
Bunnymonkey
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I am paying for a sitter for the 2 friends with babies and not alot of $$ - I just met the problem head on and called them both to say 'good news! We have a sitter for the night if the wedding so you can really enjoy yourself!' One was a bit puzzled, but agreed, the other was thrilled.
As for older kids - I lied to a fe relatives and told them the winery does not allow children under the age of 12 becasue it is not a typical hall they are avoiding law suits with all the stairs and wine making equiptment everywhere. White lies are good in this case - I REFUSE to have kids running around at my wedding.
randella
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I completely agree with you.. But, we don't have any kids in the family, so the kids invited would be more of a 'courtesy to their parents'.. but I agree to not to want to spend that money on a lot of kids.. But, if this is something that your FH wants- I think you may need to come up with a compromise- surely there cannot be 50 kids in your families that are so close to you that you could not get married without them there.. Maybe it is just the very close relatives whose kids are invited.. and re: babysitters- your guests have 1 to 2 months to find a babysitter- I don't think that's a problem.
lillian771
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I agree that children change the feel of a wedding, and I won't be inviting them to ours either. You're not being silly at all. The only child who will be there is my 7-year-old nephew/ring bearer. My other 2 nephews/ring bearers will be invited, but their parents have already said they'll send them home after the ceremony because they want to fully enjoy themselves without worrying about their 3-year-olds.
tinkerwdw
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I am running into this problem right now. Originally, we were only going to have the kids that are in the wedding party(5). Then, just last night, my cousin asked me what about his kids (they are coming in from out of state) I said that they could come, but now I feel like I put my foot in my mouth because by inviting his two, I have to invite like 9 more of my other first cousin's kids. I really wanted an adult feel at the wedding, and plus the reception starts sooo late, (8L30-1:30) What to do~ I wish I could find a sitter, but I don't live on Long Island anymore and that would be alittle hard to do. It would end up costing me less than 50 a kid for a sitter, I am sure!
Anyone know of any in the Nassau area?
Ha.
o17range
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I must say I agree with you. However, if your fiancee really wants some, try to work out a compromise--inviting only the closest of the 50 kids and have a babysitter avail. after the cocktail hour. I know personally, that my parents often preferred getting a sitter so they could have 'adult alone' time to enjoy for themselves. I hope you and your future husband come to an agreeable compromise!
jsb1ot
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
We are having an Adult Reception on our wedding. The only kids that are invited are the ones in the entourage (10 kids total). Our reception hall does not charge us if the kid is 5 and under. So that's a plus for us, and the other 2 will be half off.
You should not feel bad if you are not inviting kids at your wedding. It's your day, you do whatever you want. Just think of the financial contraints too. Besideds, kids don't appreciate the function they are attending anyway (unless it's a kid's party with toys and stuff). Your fiance should be more understanding of this. If your guest would not come because of that, then it's there lost. Then you have other guest to invite on your B list .
M&LSept1606
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I guess I'm not agreeing with anyone. I love kids, and can't imagine my wedding day without them. I have 8 neices and nephews and FH has 3 younger brothers. I just can't exclude them.
I think they make the party. They share in your lives everyday. The children in my family have already been to several weddings and know how to act because there parents have control of them. out of control kids, well that's a different story.
LadyPrincess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
Posted by divabride
I dont think your being silly at all. We are following a 'no kids' policy either. With the exception of the children in the bridal party, we are not inviting children. Once our engagement was announced, word spread like wildfire that we were not inviting children. We heard some rumors that a few people were upset. Throughout the months I nonchalantly had conversations with these people and MOST of them changed their tune saying they would enjoy the wedding more knowing they didnt have to supervise their kids.
i am right there with u Diva - I too have no children at wedding except BP. Yes i love kids, but i want an adult affair. & Yes i cant see paying $50 for food that they will not eat most of it anyway
NYtherapist
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
We're not having children at the wedding aside from FI's nieces and nephews (5 total). I'd never exclude immediate family.
We don't want kids running around. I've seen too many kids running as though they're at a playground during the most special of moments.
We anticipate that 2 of his nephews won't be there (ages 2 and 4) because we know their parents are looking forward to a night out. His two nieces are old enough to behave themselves and his nearly 7 year old nephew won't have any other kids there to rile him up.
I'm all for the adults only thing, but I cannot imagine excluding nieces, nephews, or siblings.
Marisa M
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I personally don't think children belong at an evening affair. Particularly a formal wedding reception. The youngest we're having is 13 and the only reason why I agreed is b/c he's FH's 1st cousin and Godson.......his 2 brothers and one sister who are all over 18 will of course be invited.......You can't leave him out !! But other than that - No children. And to be honest, I think those who EXPECT their children to be invited and have the audacity to complain when they are not.........well, they're just Rude ! Especially if you live on Long Island and you know what a Wedding costs !!
Anghuy1
Posted:
Member since
Re: Kids at the wedding
I am also excluding kids other than FI and my neice and nephew (which most of them are in the bridal party). His family has soooo many kids. I belive that if anyone has ever had a wedding knows the cost of it and should be understanding on why kids should not be invited.
