I am having a hard time making this decision. I have 5 little girl cousins, and I really ant them in my cereemony as flower girls. But, we dont really want kids at the wedding. FH has lots of kids in his family (I just have the 5) and it is a Sat night wedding ending at 1! I dont want the parents to be chasing around the kids all night, I want them to have fun, but I really want those 5 girls in the ceremony!! Has anyone done that and then have the kids go home? Maybe with a nanny? Any ideas or suggestions would b helpful!!!
carolinebr
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Re: Kids at wedding???
everyone has different opinions on this but here's what we did.
We had a baby in the ceremony & then after that kept her in the bridal suite with a sitter. You could probably do something similar.
michesq
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Re: Kids at wedding???
I am inviting since I have already been told by a few of our friends and family they will not bring kids- they want to relax and have a good time so leaving children home
Christine N Ralph
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Re: Kids at wedding???
I have 3 cousins who I want in the BP...however we aer also having a party on a Saturday night, I told my aunt that her kids can come and stay for a lil while but she should get someone to bring them home early...there is no reason why little children should stay out that late at night...imo
songwriterchic
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Re: Kids at wedding???
Unfortunatly you can't make an exception for your side of the family and then tell him he can't have kids from his family's side, that's wouldn't seem fair. I guess the best thing is to have them incorporated into the ceremony then have them go home. If you can't have them as flower girls, have them as usherettes to give out programs, give out rice/birdseed whatever you're having people throw at the end, etc. Hope that helps.
bluegreen08
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Re: Kids at wedding???
I agree that it's hard to invite all of your side's kids but not his. Maybe make them flowergirls and then have them go home with a sitter?
I guess technically we are having kids, but i'm not really sure how to define that. We are inviting my first cousins (21, 17 - bridesmaid, 17, 15, 8) who I am very close with. Nobody on FH's side is younger than 16, and they are all invited. I think I have some more distant relatives with younger kids but I haven't seen them in many years and since my dad has such a huge family we have to draw the line somewhere. I don't really think they expect their kids to be invited.
My mom's best friend from college has a daughter (maybe she's 7?) and she's invited so it's easier on them if they are able to make the trip. They might choose to leave her home with a sitter if they can find one (sitter is much cheaper than a flight!)
Our trigger issue is more with the 'and guest' situation because we're the first of our friends getting married, and many of our friends are totally single (not seeing anyone at all).
Good luck with this... it's stressful but you can work it out
Sharron70
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Re: Kids at wedding???
I agree that you can't have your side of the family's children but say no to FH's side. I also agree that some parents may choose on their own to hire a sitter for the evening and leave their kids home if they're not involved in the ceremony.
I'm having kids at my wedding only because there's only 4 under age 10, 4 teenagers (one in the BP) and two in their early 20's (who may not even come). All cousins and Nieces/Nephews.
Is it in your budget to hire a babysitter for the evening? A lot of coordinators offer this service or can arrange for it. I know one of the newest ones offer some kind of service Elite Affairs
diva7531
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Re: Kids at wedding???
What we did at my wedding: I invited the grandparents of the children I wanted at my wedding, they stayed for a while and after dinner went home with the kids and my friends got to party till 5am!!!
What my friend did: She hired someone to watch the kids in the bridal suite when they got tired. So this way, she didn't have to invite any more guests and the kids were right there for the parents to check in.
Every situation is different, you have to do what works for you, but you do have options. Try talk ing to the parents of the children, if it is local then maybe they could have their own personal sitter pick up the kids. Good Luck
SusiBtoM
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Re: Kids at wedding???
My niece was in the BP, and she and her brother were the only children invited. DH has a lot of cousins that have children, and they actually asked us NOT to invite the children. They wanted to go to an adult function.
No problem with us. There would have been 23 children then between the ages of 2 and 18.
SummerBride10
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Re: Kids at wedding???
We have 3 flowers (they will be 5, 6, and 7) who are my cousins. I wanted to invite all of my first cousins, and since two will be 10 and 12 I decided that was not TOO young and invited them as well (the rest will all be older than 15). i'm also having a Sat afternoon wedding.
I think you could definatly figure something out where you incorporate them into the wedding but maybe arrange for a babysitter somewhere (at a hotel where everyone is staying or a relatives house?) Maybe you can talk to their parents and find out how they feel about it. Make sure you let the parents know you want them to have fun and not have to leave early because their child is tired.
Castle
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Re: Kids at wedding???
Thanks everyone!! That was a huge help. Im going to talk to the parents of the kids and see what would work best for them.
Espo22
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Re: Kids at wedding???
all i can say is be careful how you let people know and just be prepared. We also said no kids, our wedding ends at 1:30am. We cant know ahead of time who will bring their kid and who won't. We do have a few friends who told us that they are not bringing their kids but the problem is we dont know what most of the other guests would do and going by past experiences they would bring their kids. I adore children but im sorry its not the right environment for them, if it was a daytime wedding then maybe but are you going to keep your kid up until 1am or even midnight lets say, some ppl even want to bring babies, yeah bc that loud music and noise is great for the baby when its trying to sleep . The problem is that with the amount of guests we invited, we could've ended up with around 40 kids or so if we allowed everyone to bring kids.
Well now that im getting my rsvps i see how some ppl do NOT like this at all. We even had 1 invite with just the wife saying she will attend and wrote on our card that her husband cant attend bc they dont have childcare, now this was after we even heard from other members that they werent even going to come bc of our rule a very close family member ill say too.
BUT i still say stick to what you want, do not back down. If they have aproblem with it then oh well. The funny thing is that those who do have a problem with it are EXACTLY those ppl who do not watch their kids at events and they run wild everywhere, those you would least expect it from and those who really shouldn't be upset about this for other reasons that i wont get into so just be prepared for it
PegaLega
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Re: Kids at wedding???
Unfortunately you can not make an exception for just your family.
We had no children and my SIL found a way to have her son at our wedding anyway, we also had my uncle show up and bring his daughter without letting us know.
You will get people who will not be happy about it-but you know what-you wont make everyone happy but you can do the best to make sure no ones feelings are hurt. But stick to your guns, those who want to be there and share in your day will be there no matter what and find a way to be there.
MKEA98
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Re: Kids at wedding???
This is a touchy situation. When my aunt was getting married, I was 4 years old, and she wanted me to be her flower girl. But she wasn't going to invite me to the wedding reception because she didn't want kids there. My dad, who is nuts, blew a fit because he felt it was wrong to have me be in the wedding but then not invite me to the reception. So he told her that I couldn't be her flower girl. He said that by them having me as their FG but then not inviting me to the reception, that they'd be using me and putting me on 'show' for everyone, and how I'm a person and shouldn't be on display for people. So be prepared that some people have this way of thinking in regards to this.
I'm having my nieces as my FGs, and my fiance is having his nephews as RBs, and of course my dad is adamant that they be invited to the wedding, and we do plan on inviting them cause I don't mind if kids are there. I figure it's up to the parents of the kids if they want to bring them or not. The parents know how much work kids are, and if the parents feel they want to enjoy the night and not chase after the kids, then it's their decision to leave them home.
I actually do think maybe you could get away with just inviting those girls that you want to use as FGs without inviting the kids on your FH's side. The reason being is if they're in the wedding, they should technically be invited. So that is how you could get around it.
No matter what, people will always comment on what you do - whether you invited them, or didn't invite them. It's too hard to please everyone. So just do what you feel is right!
AlyNJoe
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Re: Kids at wedding???
We are lucky with this I guess. We are having a 5yr old ring bearer and 7 yr old flower girl. We really did not want children at the wedding. We talked to both sets of parents, and much to our surprise, they don't want their kids their either!!! They say they rarely get a night away from the kids and this is such a huge celebration (they are very close friends of ours) that they don't want to be distracted by watching their kids.
The way we are going to work it is have them do their thing for the ceremony, the grandparents for each child will come to the ceremony and watch, and take the children home when they are done with their 'duties'. Since our ceremony and reception are at the same location we are going to extend an invite to the cocktail hour for the grandparents so they dont seemed shoo-ed out, but after that the kids will be gone.
I'm glad this is going to work out as well as possible for us, I can only hope everyone else will be as lucky and get to deal with people as reasonable as our friends. Good luck!
Espo22
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Re: Kids at wedding???
Posted by MKEA98
This is a touchy situation. When my aunt was getting married, I was 4 years old, and she wanted me to be her flower girl. But she wasn't going to invite me to the wedding reception because she didn't want kids there. My dad, who is nuts, blew a fit because he felt it was wrong to have me be in the wedding but then not invite me to the reception. So he told her that I couldn't be her flower girl. He said that by them having me as their FG but then not inviting me to the reception, that they'd be using me and putting me on 'show' for everyone, and how I'm a person and shouldn't be on display for people. So be prepared that some people have this way of thinking in regards to this.
I'm having my nieces as my FGs, and my fiance is having his nephews as RBs, and of course my dad is adamant that they be invited to the wedding, and we do plan on inviting them cause I don't mind if kids are there. I figure it's up to the parents of the kids if they want to bring them or not. The parents know how much work kids are, and if the parents feel they want to enjoy the night and not chase after the kids, then it's their decision to leave them home.
I actually do think maybe you could get away with just inviting those girls that you want to use as FGs without inviting the kids on your FH's side. The reason being is if they're in the wedding, they should technically be invited. So that is how you could get around it.
No matter what, people will always comment on what you do - whether you invited them, or didn't invite them. It's too hard to please everyone. So just do what you feel is right!
the problem is many of those parents want to enjoy their night, bring their kids and dont take care of them. I went to one where i didnt hear one speech bc the whole time there was a big group of kids in the middle and one girl stood by the tables and just cried the ENTIRE time. I have no idea what was said, a priest was there to bless them and said this whole thing, none of us heard a word. I kept thinking 'ok the mother is going to come and take the kid right?' and nope didnt even think to come and take the kid away, ive seen this at many parties. There were about 10-15 kids and it was alot, with the possibility of lets say 30-40 kids at my wedding it would be a zoo. and ive seen these kids at parties and the parents dont watch them and they do run around wild. Not to mention i did the calculations and would cost a couple thousand extra to have kids and thats just for chicken fingers and fries, which isnt even the biggest problem the biggest one for me and Fh is that parents dont watch their kids, a wedding for them is like a night full of free babysitters.
DCW 2008
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Re: Kids at wedding???
We are having the kids at the ceremony only.
Jayla127
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Re: Kids at wedding???
In order for FH and I not to have any confusion about whose kids should be invited; the only children that will be present at the wedding will be the ones in the bridal party. It makes it so much easier.
