My niece is kind of on the shy side and she was supposed to be my flower girl. She has said from the beginning that she didn't want to, but we thought she would change her mind. She told me this week in no uncertain terms, at least for a 5 year old, that she will not be doing it. I know I shouldn't be mad at a child, but I'm pissed! I really wanted her to be a part of my wedding, it means a lot to me, but she refuses. I did everything I could to convince her. I showed her the dress, which she loved, I told her she would get special gifts for being part of the BP, I told her she didn't even have to do the rose petal part if she didn't want to (I offered to get her a princess wand instead.) Nothing worked. I don't even care that much about having a flower girl, I just wanted her to be a special part of our day. She doesn't realize it now, but when she's older, she's going to regret this. My ring bearer better not back out on me! Did anyone else run into this problem with their little ones?
dm24angel
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Re: kids can be difficult
Sorry...I know I was shy as a FG when I was younger too, and you dont want the worst that could happen which is a crying child running off the aisle to the parents, I've seen that many times.....I know you will miss her being part of it...maybe include her in some pictures instead...or of just you and her...you can;t blame her for being scared...
samsbride
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Re: kids can be difficult
I wish i had a FG or RB. Fh and I don't know anyone with kids at an appropriate age though. I would be disappointed too but if she doesn't want to do it - it is going to be a problem the day of. Better to deal with the problem now. Le'ts just hope she doesn't change her mind on the day of your wedding and decide she does want to be a FG!!!
nferrandi
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Re: kids can be difficult
I think I will still buy her the dress, though the 'she needs to learn a lesson' thing tells me otherwise. I don't think she'll change her mind about being the FG, but I would still like her to be in photos. I won't be buying her a FG basket, so if by some odd chance she changes her mind, we'll just figure something out the day of.
nsgraham
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Re: kids can be difficult
Well, at my FBIL's wedding, they had 4 year old twins who were really excited about it until it was actually time to walk down the aisle - they freaked and their mother had to walk with them and throw the rose petals! It was so cute, but I don't know if you want that.
dm24angel
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Re: kids can be difficult
Posted by nferrandi
though the 'she needs to learn a lesson' thing tells me otherwise.
awww...dont feel that way...didn;t you say she was only 5 yrs old? They dont know any btter at that age, even though you might think they do, they cant be expected to act in an adult manner...I think it will turn out just fine...can you possibly have 2 FG's and maybe if she knows there will be someone else with her she wont feel so alone and shy?
LIJuneBride
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Re: kids can be difficult
My nephew is five and he is the same way (maybe it's something to do with the age). He really does not want to walk down the aisle, but his brother and sister and two cousins will be, so we're hoping if he walks with someone he will do it. If necessary, we'll have his mom walk with him.
nferrandi
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Re: kids can be difficult
There are no other little ones in either of our family. I thought that she would do it if she could walk with the RB, but that didn't work either. As far as 'teaching her a lesson' I just mean in regards to her being rewarded for something she won't do. I don't think she should get the dress and the gifts for no reason. I don't believe in spoiling a child just for the sake of spoiling. She's an only child, so she's kind of used to getting her way and what she wants, but I don't play into that. I hope I don't sound mean, I love my niece to death, I just have a more strict way of doing things.
razz1031
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Re: kids can be difficult
I'm concerned about my niece. She's 3 and my parents are raising her and she is TOTALLY attached to my mother, her nana. I'm really worried that she won't walk down the aisle by herself, especially with so many people watching her. My mom may have to walk down with her. You're not alone with FG dillemas.
Lorena
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Re: kids can be difficult
I'm having three flower girls (my cousin's triplets). They will be five and they are all a little shy and attached to their mom. One even freaks out around cameras! So I'm obviously a bit worried. But I've said from the beginning that I just want them there because they are special to me. So I've pretty much made a deal with their mom that if they start to freak out or cry they just won't walk down the aisle. I understand that you don't want to reward her for misbehaving. But for a special day like your wedding maybe it's not worth it to pressure her to 'perform'. You may be better off just being happy having her there.
thiadora
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Re: kids can be difficult
MY FH has 2 neices and 2 nephews. The neices, who will be 8 are going to be out 2 FGs. But we're not having a RB. One nephew will be 5 and he might be able to handle it (brother of the FG's), however, the other nephew, who will be almost 4, could not handle it. He is a very active unpredictable child. I love this kid to death, but he just couldn't handle it. So we're not asking the other nephew because we don't want to hurt his SIL.
The best you can do is as you've said. Provide the dress and option the day of, but don't press it.
