Last night I got back to LI from Virginia where I am currently living. I saw that my mother had contacted wedding places in LI eventhough I am having my wedding in Hawaii. I know she was initially upset with the idea of Hawaii but I had thought she had gotten over it. The wedding is not really a destination wedding (FH's family lives there). My mother is a bit upset b/c a few of her family members will not be able to afford the trip to Hawaii. On the other hand, if we had the wedding in LI my FH's family would not be able to come. My mother said she only contacted the places to get an idea and to see if there were any places to have brunch for the people who couldn't make it to Hawaii. I don't necessarily think she is telling me the entire truth there. The information she got was for a full wedding with mins of 150 people.
Sorry so long. I don't know what exactly what to do. FH was very upset when he heard this and wants to confront my mother.
KSquared
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Re: kind of upsetting
Could your mother maybe want to have a second reception on Long Island?
I wouldn't recommend 'confronting' her, but maybe you can all sit down (again, I'm sure) and see if maybe you can work out a Long Island party after the wedding so everyone can celebrate with you.
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
I am just thinking how much more money that will cost
Shell84
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Re: kind of upsetting
I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like you rather have FH's family at your wedding instead of your family. If your mother wants to have a second reception, then it's only fair for her side of the family.
drpepper318
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Re: kind of upsetting
Posted by michellecarin
I am just thinking how much more money that will cost
Well, I don't know, is it really that bad if your mom wants you to have a second reception on LI for your side of the family, and friends who live on LI? I think you should look at it as a good thing... plus if she's going to try to book something, then she'd have to be willing to pay for it, so that's not a bad deal for you. It's not like she can cancel the wedding you're planning in Hawaii, so you don't have to worry!
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
no she isn't paying for another reception in LI, she keeps trying to get me to change my mind saying she could give me money if we would have it in LI. She says she is spending so much money trying to get her and my dad to Hawaii and now cannot give me much money for the wedding. I want my family to be at the wedding. There aren't many people that aren't coming. I want to have it in Hawaii though.
korndoggie
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Re: kind of upsetting
Posted by drpepper318
Posted by michellecarin
I am just thinking how much more money that will cost
Well, I don't know, is it really that bad if your mom wants you to have a second reception on LI for your side of the family, and friends who live on LI? I think you should look at it as a good thing... plus if she's going to try to book something, then she'd have to be willing to pay for it, so that's not a bad deal for you. It's not like she can cancel the wedding you're planning in Hawaii, so you don't have to worry!
I was going to say almost the same thing.
If she wants it, she can pay for it! Then it would just be a big party that you could enjoy, without all the stress of your wedding day!
nmagel
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Re: kind of upsetting
why don't you just have 2 receptions? One here and one there? A friend of mine did that b/c she is from Venezuela. They were 6mths apart so the immediate families were able to attend both.
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
I don't have enough money to do that. The wedding in Hawaii is almost at 100 people. WE are inviting everyone and so far it looks like about 80 will be coming. If I had the money or if my mom was paying for a while additionally wedding reception that would be great. I don't though thinks thats what she was doing by contacting this place
Shell84
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Re: kind of upsetting
why is she insisting though, is there any important people in your lives that are not able to make it to Hawaii? maybe you can host a little brunch with all of them and keep everyone happy.
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
I was thinking of a brunch. Nobody really important is not coming. I think my mom is having a hard time getting over this.
Ilovebriani
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Re: kind of upsetting
what if you just did something like rent out a hall and bring in your own food. or get it catered by a deli or something. that would be a lot less expensive than a whole other reception and you wouldnt have to pay per head. it wouldnt have to be a 'reception' necessarily. just like a party....sort of like an engagement party only after the wedding. just a thought.
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
there are only a few people not coming , at first i thought we were goig to have something but now, it looks like everyone is coming I dont' wanna have an additional thing, especially b/c I could use tha tmoney for something else
Kimbalina
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Re: kind of upsetting
I think that you already have your mind made up. Just becareful when you talk to your mom, she is making some waves, but she is your mom and looking out for you and her family. That is JMO. Good luck
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
i ahven't spoken to my mom i just ignored it. FH gets upset to see me upset. He wants to confront her. I don't know that it is a good idea either. I think the best way to deal with it is ignore her calling the RHs. I think parto fhte problem is, is that she wants to be involved but knows nothing about hawaii
Kimbalina
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Re: kind of upsetting
Posted by michellecarin
i ahven't spoken to my mom i just ignored it. FH gets upset to see me upset. He wants to confront her. I don't know that it is a good idea either. I think the best way to deal with it is ignore her calling the RHs. I think parto fhte problem is, is that she wants to be involved but knows nothing about hawaii
See there ya go!! Thats a good way to look at it! Maybe getting her more involved will solve the situation!
michellecarin
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Re: kind of upsetting
maybe its just hard to know she is looking at other venues
Ilovebriani
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Re: kind of upsetting
yeah i would want to know what her thought is behind it. esp. if she is looking at actual reception halls. i am sure she just wants to feel involved
Autumn08
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Re: kind of upsetting
Posted by michellecarin My mother is a bit upset b/c a few of her family members will not be able to afford the trip to Hawaii. On the other hand, if we had the wedding in LI my FH's family would not be able to come.
I truly believe that each couple should do what they want for a wedding but I truly think you should step back and try to see things the way your mother and/or family is seeing it.
When you plan a DW you have to be comfortable with the fact that many guests won't make it. In your case not only do you have to be comfortable with guests not being able to make it and feeling a little upset... but you are now catering to your FHs side of the family and I completely understand why your mom and others would be upset.
I'm not saying this is for a fact what you are doing but it looks like you have no interest in celebrating with your family. Many DW have whats called an at-home-reception which is usually a brunch or lunch can be at a small hall or at someone's house. Very casual and you can mingle with people who didn't make it, show the wedding video, show pictures etc...
I was invited to a wedding georgia. I can't go because I started tallying up the costs in my mind. Flight for me and FH, rental car, hotel, outfits, wedding gift. And that's just the wedding expenses. We wouldn't want to fly down the day of the wedding and fly back up the next day so any activities or shopping etc... The costs add up and we aren't going to be able to make it as many of our family isn't.
FancyMe1018
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Re: kind of upsetting
awww swtie I am sorry to hear this news:( its really hard when booking a kinda desination wedding. Just breath maybe ur mom was trying to see how much it would be for ur e party? or something maybe even ur bridal party ?
