Kindermusik advice for moms
February 2004
Dear Parent,
Children don't always know why some behaviors get a bad rap. A sudden case of the sleepies or a growth spurt can cause a child to veer off and thump the dog—or a sister—on the head.
They need help identifying the feelings that can lead to 'bad behavior.' It's like learning a new language. Pair that learning with music and soon your child can say what he feels, calm himself, and thump some of those bad behavior culprits on the head.
Learn more about behavior and how music makes it better in this edition of Tune In.
Musical solutions to bad behavior
Your Baby—newborn to 1 ½ years
Rock-a-bye: This way or that way?
When a child cries, she's saying, 'My body is under stress. This is a really big emotion, and I don't know what to do with it.' As a parent, we can respond and say, 'Here I am, and this is what you're supposed to do with it.'
Stay calm, tend to the basic needs then see what soothes your child. Some babies know they need more help calming down. They need to be held closer, longer. Some children need to see your face only. Some need you to dim the lights. Sing more softly.
Try different things and see how your baby responds. Then you both can get the best benefits from a lullaby.
Sing to your baby. She needs to hear your voice.
Use an 'oo' vowel to sing a tune to your child. Notice your own tongue and jaw relax too.
Snuggle her close to your chest while rocking in a rocking chair.
Stand and sway side to side.
Try rocking so your child can see your face. The human face is of great interest to babies. Being in position to focus on mom's or dad's face helps a child feel calm and secure.
A highly sensitive child needs a little protection from being overwhelmed. Dim the lights. Sing softly.
Your Toddler—1½ to 3 years
Verbalizing the terrible tantrum
A toddler has a hard time saying what he's feeling. He doesn't yet know the words. His emotions run riot. A change in routine catches him by surprise. He's learning to share and suddenly he's jolted into a feeling he didn't expect and he can't explain.
Enter the tantrum.
Step One: Soothe him.
Once the tantrum begins, pick him up, and soothe him. Rub his back, or gently rock him in your arms.
Step Two: Build an emotional vocabulary.
You may know what triggered the tantrum. Was there a change in routine? Is he tired? Try and help him identify what he's feeling, then say the word. Toddlers can learn more words more easily when they can match the action, or emotion, with the word.
When he's calm, come back and say what you observed: 'You weren't ready for that, and you can say you weren't ready.'
Once he can match words to the emotion, he begins building his own emotional vocabulary, and he can say, 'I'm not ready, I tired, I watch.'
Musical solution
A favorite toddler song is 'If You're Happy and You Know It.' Help him learn more words and build an emotional vocabulary. Sing about the good and bad behaviors and show him what to do about it.
If you're sad and you know it, give me a hug.
If you're angry and you know it, count to three.
If you're brave and you know it, stand up tall.
If you're scared and you know it, call for me.
Have fun acting out these behaviors and singing the solution.
Dear Parent,
Children don't always know why some behaviors get a bad rap. A sudden case of the sleepies or a growth spurt can cause a child to veer off and thump the dog—or a sister—on the head.
They need help identifying the feelings that can lead to 'bad behavior.' It's like learning a new language. Pair that learning with music and soon your child can say what he feels, calm himself, and thump some of those bad behavior culprits on the head.
Learn more about behavior and how music makes it better in this edition of Tune In.
Musical solutions to bad behavior
Your Baby—newborn to 1 ½ years
Rock-a-bye: This way or that way?
When a child cries, she's saying, 'My body is under stress. This is a really big emotion, and I don't know what to do with it.' As a parent, we can respond and say, 'Here I am, and this is what you're supposed to do with it.'
Stay calm, tend to the basic needs then see what soothes your child. Some babies know they need more help calming down. They need to be held closer, longer. Some children need to see your face only. Some need you to dim the lights. Sing more softly.
Try different things and see how your baby responds. Then you both can get the best benefits from a lullaby.
Sing to your baby. She needs to hear your voice.
Use an 'oo' vowel to sing a tune to your child. Notice your own tongue and jaw relax too.
Snuggle her close to your chest while rocking in a rocking chair.
Stand and sway side to side.
Try rocking so your child can see your face. The human face is of great interest to babies. Being in position to focus on mom's or dad's face helps a child feel calm and secure.
A highly sensitive child needs a little protection from being overwhelmed. Dim the lights. Sing softly.
Your Toddler—1½ to 3 years
Verbalizing the terrible tantrum
A toddler has a hard time saying what he's feeling. He doesn't yet know the words. His emotions run riot. A change in routine catches him by surprise. He's learning to share and suddenly he's jolted into a feeling he didn't expect and he can't explain.
Enter the tantrum.
Step One: Soothe him.
Once the tantrum begins, pick him up, and soothe him. Rub his back, or gently rock him in your arms.
Step Two: Build an emotional vocabulary.
You may know what triggered the tantrum. Was there a change in routine? Is he tired? Try and help him identify what he's feeling, then say the word. Toddlers can learn more words more easily when they can match the action, or emotion, with the word.
When he's calm, come back and say what you observed: 'You weren't ready for that, and you can say you weren't ready.'
Once he can match words to the emotion, he begins building his own emotional vocabulary, and he can say, 'I'm not ready, I tired, I watch.'
Musical solution
A favorite toddler song is 'If You're Happy and You Know It.' Help him learn more words and build an emotional vocabulary. Sing about the good and bad behaviors and show him what to do about it.
If you're sad and you know it, give me a hug.
If you're angry and you know it, count to three.
If you're brave and you know it, stand up tall.
If you're scared and you know it, call for me.
Have fun acting out these behaviors and singing the solution.
