Little bit of an issue.....

Hi Ladies,


So last night we went out to dinner for my Dads B-day. FH has been out of work for over 2 months...I was very patient with him the first month paying all of his bills as well as the second month he has been out....so last night we are sitting at dinner with my whole family and FH say, ' I'm on vacation and that is where I'm staying'. I almost cried I feel like he doesn't even appreciate what I have been doing for him - I mean it is an extra $1,000 a month coming out of my bank account to cover his car, phone, credit cards and cash he needs for everyday. I was so upset because we have a wedding to pay for my dad has given him numerous jobs to call and he hasn't called one.

I call him and he is still sleeping at 2:00 in the afternoon everyday and then he floats around in the pool or hangs out with his brother.

I feel so sad today...am I making a mistake marrying him? It would be so nice for him to provide for me I have been doing it for him 7 years already and I just want someone to take care of me. I felt like it was such a slap in the face to me and I was so embarrased in front of my family. My dad has taken care of me his whole life and I don't know if this is something I really want to deal with....I want someone who is so excited to get married and who cares about taking care of his woman...I feel sometimes like I'm making a mistake....oh so sad today


sorry for the long vent ladies I just wish he would think before he speaks sometimes and that he appreciated a little more.

this is something that needs to be talked about with him... tell him that you feel underappreciated and you didn't like the comment he made yesterday because it makes you feel like he's not trying to put an effort towards the relationship.


my FH is also currently out of work, and I make him apply to everywhere he could possibly apply (he doesnt have a trade or anything either).... he also doesnt have a car or license so it has to be somewhere local...

i tell him that until he makes a real effort to get out there and find a job, that some of his luxuries will be taken away... FH only owes me about $500 right now, but i told him if it gets worse that im going to have to cancel his cell phone and what not...

so basically, you need to tell him that he needs to get his *** in gear or youre going to stop helping him.

Awwww don't be sad... here is a great big

Maybe you should sit down with him and tell him how you feel about what he said. I totally see you point of view on how it is a slap in the face, but he probably said it joking around and didn't think of how you would feel by such a comment. Just let him know that you feel like you are being taken for granted.

Speak up, I know it is easier said than done, but you do not want to keep it all inside and then explode one day.

we have spoke about it in the past, he thinks I'm a nag and always busting his chops all i hear is , 'give me a break, give me a break'. I have given him more than a break...I just don't feel like he is in this for real when I am.

All I ask is for it in return, I just want someone to love me all the time and no be so mean sometimes.....and then to top it all off he then goes on the tell my parents that I talk to all of these guys on myspace when I'm on LIW 20/24 hours a day! He went psycho last night I don't know what was wrong with him imean he is moody he can be wonderful one minute and then the next minute so nasty bipolar maybe?


uhhh and I have to make a payment to the hall August 1st and he has put no money into our account at all....grrrrr...maybe vacation next week is a great idea I think I need like a week off from him and his issues

I am soo sorry to hear that!!!! Honestly, I think you need to light a fire under his ***... Granted this is only 1 side of the story, but he should be taking life a bit more seriously! You need to have a serious talk with him... and as much as you wouldnt want tot do this, threaten that you will leave him b/c you are planning a life together and if hes not doing his part then he doesnt care about the rel as much as you do!! See if that does anything to him...

And if he still doesnt change, I suggest you take a look at yourself and what you want out of your life. Its sad that he doesnt appreciate these job offers, but you have to think about yourself hun! Dont make your life miserable and put yourself into a hole b/c he doesnt see that light at the end of the tunnel... I really do feel for ya, but you have to do what you think is best for you!

I used to date someone like that....and in the end he left me with a $10,000 motorcycle loan to pay off. We were going out for a couple years and he did that crap to me. He also had bad work ethic and work ethic is what makes or breaks someone. My fiance now is the complete opposite, he works 80 hours a week for his father's landscaping business. I have to say it ***** not having him around much, but the salary is well worth it.

You really need to sit down and do some soul searching. Dont ever settle because you are comfortable. If i had stayed with that moron i cant imagine how my life would have been. Do what you feel in your mind is right not what your heart tells you is right.

This will make you much happier in the end!

Oh my goodness..this must be weighing very heavily on you. I am so sorry to hear about this. It sounds like you and FH have different views on what a marriage and relationship should be like. I know it is hard to talk to someone when they think you are nagging them, but explain to him that this goes beyond 'you didnt do the dishes...' or 'you havent done your laundry.' It also seems like its not even the fact that he isnt working at this INSTANT, but rather the fact that you are afraid that he won't be able to take care of you. This is the part that scares me for you. In my opinion, it would be nice to know that he could take care of you and wants to, but I feel like it is important to feel confident that you can care for yourself. You are strong and intelligent woman and you need to have faith in you before you have faith in him and your relationship.

THe first thing I would suggest, is stop paying his bills. That is not your responsibility. You are not married yet. Do you share a bank account? Until your money is in the same account, it is not your problem if his bills are paid. Next, I would definitely sit down and talk to him about this. Is this something that will change? If not, you are definitely going to have to evaluate what you want from life, this relationship and your future marriage. As difficult as this is, it will be so worth it to do it now rather than later on in your relationship. I wish you the best, please keep usposted!

i know where you are coming from when i first started dating my FH he was job less and he had no money the other money that he had coming in was unempl. and i had to pay everything. I got so upset that ihad to seat down with him and let him know how i feel about him not having a job. I told him that if he doesnt get a job then how do you think we are going to have a family and im know got to pay for everything anymore. and he changed and he got and job and his has been there for 1.5 year. i think he is going to say there and that talk might have changed him... GL with talkin to him


B/c i know that we dont like paying for everything anymore.....

I agree with the other ladies, that you really need to talk to him. Everybody likes time off of work but, this has been long enough. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it is bothering you. If he is willing to go out and look for a job then I would not stop paying the bills until he found another job but, if he is not willing to look after you have a talk with him then you should stop paying his bills.
P.S.- Would he do the same for you??