Living far away from Family

Living far away from Family

For all you moms or moms-to-be, does anyone live in an area where they have no family around them? Just wondering how you deal with having a baby and having no family around. (No..I'm not preggo...just pondering the future)

DH and I live in TX and all family is in NY.

Re: Living far away from Family

d ... Vinnie & I have a standing argument ... he wants to move to NJ to be closer to friends & I couldn't imagine living so far away from my mom.

Will you be TTC soon?!

Re: Living far away from Family

I'm glad you asked this question. I'm in Boston and our families are in NY. I'll be curious to hear any responses. I'm guessing you and I are going to need to find some other moms in the same situation to exchange services with!!

Re: Living far away from Family

Re: Living far away from Family

Doreen -

You know my sis lives in Arlington and it was VERY hard for her and visa versa for us when she 1st had her children. Despite my mom flying down to help her when she first came home from the hospital and stuff, it's hard to develop those family relationships with the children when you only see them a few times a year (at best - and I'm the only one out of the family that visits 'regularly' - most of my brother's don't fly). My sister had an incredibly difficult birth for her second child and due to the timing of her birth, no one could get down there to help (a few days before Thanksgiving and six weeks premature, so unexpected as well as being incredibly expensive). She didn't have 'showers' per say for her children because she only has a handful of neighbors she considers distant friends. And she has no support network, so the only time she gets to go someplace alone with her husband is when she can beg a favor off a neighbor (not often) or when she comes here or someone goes there. If it wasn't for the cost of living and the fact that they can afford for her to be a SAHM in Texas, I think she would have been back along time ago. It's beautiful down there, but I think she would be happier if she could recruit a few family members to join her. She's been working on me for years. I try to do what I can to be active in the kids lives, but how much are they going to know of Aunt Sharon when they're both under four? It's not like they are going to realize it's ME who sent them the new toy in the mail, etc. It's very hard because lil' Anthony is the only boy out of my siblings children, so he's like my little man - a novelty. I fall apart when I leave them at the airport, I can't even stand to look as he's waving goodbye and asking where 'Aunt Sha Sha' is going...

Re: Living far away from Family

I am a VERY tight-knit family person. My immediate family is in Nassau and Queens. so they are not THAT far, but the distance can be tough sometimes. if we need a babysitter last minute or if we have to do something near home, our moms dont drive, so we have to drop JA off there (they LOVEEEE It !!) or pick them up to come here.

I have to say its worth the sacrifice (of the drive) to get the best babysitter a mom can ask for!
I also dont mind the sacrifice of driving back and forth for family functions. Ive adapted to suburbia and I now tell hubby he spoiled me.
Ive ALWAYS hated parallel parking, now I just roll into my driveway and even park diagonal if i want
.
I never minded crowded parking lots, now if a parking lot is HALF full, its crowded to me. and I've grown to love the amount of space I can call 'home' (no neighbors upstairs or through the walls ).

So the distance is worth the quality of life Im enjoying. Everyone is close enough for me to drive to any day of the week. We usually see eachother at least 2-3 times a month, sometimes more.

Edited to add: Thank Goodness, we have several friends out here now, from my meeting many moms and their hubbies, and having known people that lived out here from past jobs, we are pretty busy and have others to count on in times of need

Re: Living far away from Family

We probably won't try to TTC for at least another six months, but for some reason I was thinking about this today. I have a great close knit group of friends here that are begging me to have a baby, so we can all have mom/baby days! My MOH who is my best friend down here and who I work with and see everyday has a 2 year old, another great friend has a 6 month old and another has one on the way. So I know I have great friends I can rely on and we all have great husbands who support our 'girls night outs!' and are more than involved daddies (or will be in DH case). So I think I am covered off on friends, but no family. My MOH and her hubby are in the same boat. Her family is in IL and his in AZ. I see it can be hard for them sometimes, but nothing impossible. Just a little more challenging I guess compared with mom living close by. Lucikly both my parents are retired and I know would be here in a second if needed. I don't plan on staying in Texas forever, but as we have discussed before the cost of living just does not compare. I could be a SAHM in a heartbeat here...don't know if it would be the same if we were in NY. Maybe my parents will cave in and move here! They have a beach house in Florida which they love, plus just the other day my mom was saying how she is getting tired of Merrick! I told her it happens when you move away and live somewhere else for a while! Who knows....I'm just being a thinker today.

Re: Living far away from Family

My mom is definitely tired of Merrick and is thinking of selling her house and moving. I just hope her and dad stay on long island and not move to Texas

Re: Living far away from Family

Doreen, I was living in California when I was pregnant and my family was in NY and DH's family was in Florida.

Looking back at the experience now, it doesn't seem so difficult - but that's b/c we moved back to NY last summer when the baby was only 3 months old.

I do remember feeling lonely during the pregnancy and I really, really missed my Mom, my aunt and my grandmother. They were all so excited that I was PG, and I definitely feel like I missed out on something b/c I did not get to share the whole journey with them in person.

I talked with my Mom everyday, sometimes several times a day and we would both always feel sad when something different was happening with my body or the baby. My Mom wanted so badly to watch my belly change and grow, and with exception of a few pics, she missed it. I just know my Mom would have loved to go with me for one of my sonograms and it stunk that she could not. And for me, registering and setting up a place for the baby was so difficult without my Mom's help and input.

However, by far the most difficult hurtle to get over for me was not having my family at the hospital while I was in labor. I was truly disappointed to be out in CA and not have both our families there to share the experience of the birth. I felt a sense of loss over not seeing the reaction on everyone's faces when we announced whether it was a girl or boy...for this reason, I decided to find out we were having a boy ahead of time and tell both families during our one trip back East (prior to the birth).

The good news is...I did have a great friend network and support system in CA, and they were all wonderful to me during my pregnancy! My friends at home in NY were still very supportive too. Two of my CA friends even threw me a shower b/c I couldn't fly back to NY for my family to throw a shower. I had about 4 other women whom I worked with that happened to be PG at over-lapping times, so we had an instant Moms 'club.'

Things that I learned through this experience....DH and I formed an even stronger bond than we had before...our sense of 'family' is firmly rooted in he and I and not so much our extended families, although they still play a very important part in our lives. And now, we know that we can handle a huge life adjustment on our own and be very happy!
Best wishes to you!

Re: Living far away from Family

I am not pregnant but I can only imagine how it would feel if I did not have my family close to me when I got pregnant. For the support, for help in case of an emegency. I thought hubby's job might have been relocating to Dallas and it was making me a bit hesitant to add to the family while we were both so far away from all our families. I think this a valid concern a lot of us gals have.

Re: Living far away from Family

I'm not pregnant yet but family is my main reason for not wanting to move away. FH always asks if i'd move down south but my mom lives in Smithtown, my dad in Yaphank, and i'm right smack in the middle. I am soooo close with my parents and since i'm an only child it would be their only grandchildren so I want them to be able to see them grow up and go threw their milestones...plus be able to baby-sit

yes it IS hard..

any one who is a vetern on this board knows my situation regarding 'family' members. I put the quotes there since in name they are family, but not truly in spirit.
my mom and dad are both deceased- rob never even met them so YES it was very hard for me when I was preg and wondered what my mom would think or say.

and wonder how my dad would interact with me on a daily basis- and how they both now do not see Julianne. Makes me very very upset.

BUT robs mom and dad and sisters sorta kinda make up for it. his mom treats me like I am her daughter,,,and one sister (in fla) and I are very close..
so yes it does make it hard...all my other family except one elderly aunt..live SOOOO far in NJ ( Im being sarcastic) they STILL havent seen julianne

Re: yes it IS hard..

Re: yes it IS hard..

I also think it depends on the family. I know people who lived very close to their aunts/grandparents and never saw them and were not close at all. I think it takes an effort on all parts to have a close relationship, no matter how far away or close you live.

Re: yes it IS hard..

my husband's family is here. His dad is moving here from California now that a baby is on the way...his mom is in the city, and his brother and kids in jersey. grandparents and ALL cousins in Hoboken. But my mom and dad JUST moved to Cape Cod. It's a good 6 hours from my home. I am really sad. I feel like our child won't have my mom and dad around as much as my sister's kids did - not to mention how much I wish my mom was here to give me saltines and ginger ale right now!

I guess it will be a lot of traveling....and we'll just have to make the best of the time we do spend together....

Re: yes it IS hard..

Re: yes it IS hard..

Thanks for all the insight girls. Luckily both mine and DH's families are very close and we all get along well and I don't think it will even be a question about my mom and dad coming to help out after a baby is born. But like Claud mentioned, it is the whole pregnancy thing that freaks me out..not having my mom around all the time to go through it. But, I also have to remember that it was the same for when I planned the wedding. We planned from Texas and I didn't have my mom 5 minutes away to check things out with me. But she did come down for a weekend and go dress shopping etc. And as I look back I don't feel like I missed out on anything in that sense. But I also realize a new human life versus fondant or whipped cream is a whole different story. I will just have to invest in one of those video camera things or get a big video conferencing thing set up in my living room!

Re: Living far away from Family

Re: Living far away from Family

Doreen, I used to compare the whole long distance pregnancy to long distance wedding planning too. But, I will you tell you that after having gone through both - the pregnancy is far, far different. For one, you are a hormonal mess and that makes everything more emotional. And once the wedding day arrives, than everything is over. Conversely, once you go into labor, it is really only the beginning!

Re: Living far away from Family

Good point Claud! I guess I will just have to wait and see what life deals us when the time is right for kids. Eventually we still talk about moving back North, but we are just so very comfy here in Texas with the cost of living and all of our friends. We shall see.....